Journey of the Discontent

Facebook

2010-04-26T05:49:00.000-07:00

I dumped my Facebook account last week. I was finding that I was spending a lot more time on it than was really good for me. (Note: this is not a criticism of facebook or for my many faithful readers). Even in the past five days I have had kind of a "craving" or "jones-ing" when I get bored or have an extra 3 minutes.

But... I must get my message out. They people need to hear the truth. So I will not disappoint them. I'm going to start blogging again.

Haiti

2010-01-28T07:33:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in over a year now. Remember when Tristan Ludlowe, from the movie Legends of the Fall, had his "inner grizzly bear" sleeping. I think this is what happened to me... in a good way.

I went to Haiti in December. December 7-12 I think. It was one month to the day before the catastrophic earthquake to crush Haiti.

It's been hard for me to process what I saw in Haiti. The farther away I get from my trip, the more I appreciate my time. The more I run things through my head, the more I understand about how much I have been shaped by my experience. Nothing indicates that this changing will stop... I hope not. My priest, Mike Fedewa, who came on the trip with me, has described coming back from the trip and realizing how much living in the USA is like winning the lottery. I think it is where many of us have come to realize as we think about the poverty in Haiti.

As I watched the young girls (and boys) wander the streets naked and unsupervised, I had to think about my 3 beautiful girls (ages 1, 2 and 4). The image that is burned in my brain is that of a 3 or 4 year old boy with a Los Angeles Lakers jersey (Kobe Bryant I think) wandering the streets of Cite Soleil, looking for somebody to pick him up... or hold his hand... or give him a quarter. I watched as he wandered and thought about my own children and was unable to comprehend how this could ever happen to my kids. I tried to imagine my three, walking through the garbage filled street looking for food, fun, or money. I think the reason I couldn't/wouldn't think about it is because of the awful things that must frequently happen to the children of the streets in Cite Soleil.

While staying in Haiti, we stayed at the Hotel Montana. It was the nicest Hotel in Haiti (it was the nicest hotel I had ever stayed in). It was up on top of a mountain overlooking the Port Au Prince. You could barely see the poverty from the hotel. It was practically another country. I remember feeling sick when we got to the hotel after seeing people in the most impoverished situations that I had ever seen. I drank a Prestige Beer (locally brewed) and shook my head unable to comprehend the things I had seen. I felt totally disconnected from Haiti and from the people who live there each and every day. I felt so safe and sterile and confused.

After the earthquake, I have been in a dark space. Many of the questions I asked after the 2005 tsunami have once again been popping up: "Where is God? Who's fault is this? How can you kick somebody when they are already on the ground?" The first week after the quake I found myself weeping several times a day. It scared my wife and kids (and me). I was concerned about my mental stability.

Many died in the Hotel Montana. The media covered the story a great deal due to the amount of Americans who were staying there at the time of the quake and also due to the number of Americans, who... like me, had stayed there in the past. It was nauseating thinking about how safe I felt while there as well as about all the folks who were buried under several stories of rubble.

I wish I could say that after two weeks, that I have some answers to my questions. I only have more questions. If I'm honest, I'll say that it is a relief that I'm not thinking about Haiti nearly as much. I'm not checking the news or internet several times an hour. At work, I'm able to function in a more normal way. I'm not weeping an wailing like I had been. It's a relief... and yet a sign of the thing I'm scared of most... forgetting.

President of the United states of America

2008-11-11T14:46:00.000-08:00

Well, it's official. It has been for a week now. I don't have anything fresh or new to comment on regarding this but have some deep emotions that I want to share. Well, maybe they aren't deep, but I truly feel them.

1. I have been feeling very patriotic lately. Well, I know I am a patriot, but not in the same way as somebody who would have a "I'm a patriot" bumper sticker. It's truly amazing to me that we elected a man (yes, he's black, but more than that too) that I trust. I have never felt like I trusted a president before (even when I voted for men who have won). I suppose this is setting me up to be disappointed, but I genuinely think he will do what is best and just. Not always, but most of the time.

2. We woke Montana up to see the Obama Speach at Grant Park. She was excited about Mr. Barack Obama. I hope she remembers the night. I regret not going to Chicago.

I don't have much else to say. We are contemplating a party on Jan. 20 to usher in the 44th President of the United States. Want to come?

Magnolia Jayne

2008-10-26T06:15:00.000-07:00

That's right! I'm crying!

Pandora

2008-09-29T04:48:00.000-07:00

Have you guys checked out Pandora Radio? It's great. I think it may be illegal soon though.
http://www.pandora.com/

You can select a number of artists and it will create a radio station for you. you don't need to download anything. I don't think you need to even join. (But we did because it saves all your selections).

Right now I'm listening to a station mixed with the Dead, Phish and other bands like them. Check it out.

Once you open the box though, there's no going back. What's done is done.

Happy

2008-09-20T02:35:00.000-07:00

So I got this new job and things are good. I am very pleased to be doing this work and have now met some of the young men that I'll have the privilege of working with. I can't explain how much my mind is at ease compared with how I used to view my job.

This picture is of me and my girls on Father's Day. Mo turns 3 on Tuesday. Gretta is communicating more with her words these days. Baby #3 will be here in less than a month. I need to get reading my baby book now.

Burma

2008-09-01T01:51:00.000-07:00

I got a new job on Friday. I'll be working with refugees from Burma. It's a residential home for 17 year old boys, but will have the feel of a college dorm. I don't know a lot about what i'll be doing, but we'll be helping the young men transition from life in Burma to life in the U.S. I'm very excited about it. I can feel the darkness lift as I think about doing a job I care about and believe in again. i once felt this way about Wedgie, but now have become jaded and indifferent.

New beginnings have always been wonderful for me. So much so that I have often wondered about being able to commit to things long term. but I have been married now for 8 years and had this job for 5. We've been in the Episcopal Church for over 2 years now and I'm starting to really feel settled. I just hope I don't feel too settled to move to Austin in a couple years for seminary. In the meantime, I'll enjoy starting over at a new job. God- make me an agent of grace wherever I am.

Bob Weir and The Allman Brothers

2008-08-29T02:59:00.000-07:00

Jodi and I had the opportunity to see one of the main volcalists from the Grateful Dead yesterday. We went with our friends Jay and Amy and had a great time. Bobby was great and played some of the songs that the Dead has been known for, for decades. He eneded the set with Ripple which has always been one of my favorites.

Before the show and after we made grilled cheese sandwiches and sold them. We made $70. I had a great time and enjoyed my 8th anniversary with a woman I fell in love with 9 years ago.

The Allman Brothers were good too, but we spent a lot of the time walking around and talking because Jodi wasn't feeling very well. She had had quite a bit of acid and... just kidding. She wasn't feeling well because she is 8 months prego. Mo's first concert was Neil Young, Wilco, DMB, Arlo Guthrie, Widespread Panic and a few others. Gretchen' s first show was Umphree's Magee. Baron #3 will be told about this show for a long long time.

King of Kong- Fistful of Quarters

2008-08-04T01:49:00.000-07:00

Did anybody else see this documentary? I watched it last week and have thought about it often. I really identify with the "good" character (the teacher) because I used to cry a lot. Now I'm jaded and too cynical to cry or really care much about anything.

Here is a short list of the best video games of all time.

1. Double Dribble

2. Tecmo Bowl (Original Nintendo)

3. Bond - Golden Eye (AKA Prximity Mines)

4. Mario Kart

5. Contra

6. Star Wars Battlefront II

7. Super Mario Brothers

8. Pitfall

9. 1913

10. RBI Baseball

Any that I missed? The movie was great. Kind of emotional and silly and depressinhg all at the same time.

The Dark Knight

2008-08-03T00:40:00.000-07:00

I saw this movie today. I'd like to start out by saying that Heath Ledger was brilliant. He was terrifying actually. This made the movie frightening and wonderful to be a part of. This blog entry will be pretty political because I was thinking politics the whole time and want to point some things out that may have already been obvious to the smart readers of this blog. There will be some spoilers.

1. Much of the movie was a philosophical discussion about doing evil for the overall good of humanity. The Joker spent most of the movie trying to make people embrace the warrior within. He wanted people to act out of anger and to use power to bring about the each man's desire. He tried to prove that all men and women will really forfeit their ideals in the heat of the moment. This was ironic timing in my life as I'm trying to figure out the bounds of pacifism and loving thy neighbor.

2. Batman supports the Jokers notions of giving up on ones ideals if it is justified. This is a pretty complicated notion too. At one point Batman uses everybody's phone in Gothem City to spy on the residents and create some kind of sophisticated sonar map. He gets into an argument with Morgan Freeman about the ethics of this. Batman... being smarter than all of Gotham City... decided it was best for its' people for him to use this illegal phone tapping for the overall good. Does that sound familiar? Later on Batman accepts the blame for the deaths of some of Gotham City's finest in order to try to save the city from falling apart. He feels that if the city knows the truth, it will make poor decisions and fall prey to anarchy. Big Brother is out there watching over us.

Both of these examples describe what could happen to any man/woman who has too much power. It's bad news when any one person has the power to decide what is best for the masses. In some ways I think this is where the good ole USofA has it right. We do strive to make decisions as a nation by voting. We don't want one "cowboy" doing what he thinks is best for us.

The movie also touches on what I think is the deeper root of this situation: human nature. Will we make good decisions when nobody is around? Will we abandon our ideals when it will cost us a great deal? Are we willing to let people make poor decisions and handle the fallout of those choices alongside them?

One last thing I noticed. Heath Ledger once played a cowboy in a movie. I used the word "cowboy" in this blog describing "W". He also is from Texas and kind of embraces the cowboy way. The Joker is a psychopathic killer with no conscience and wheres lipstick. Coincidence? I think not.

Bounce Around the Room

2008-07-24T02:36:00.000-07:00

I'm listening to this right now. It's been a while since I have. I remember when Dave Vogelaar turned me onto Phish for the first time in 1995. This was the album. I was especially in love with "bounce around the room". Thanks Dave.

This is another thing I remember about my friend Dave. I was in a weird time in my life where I was trying to do everything just right. I was and am very insecure. I was in a town, Pella, IA that I didn't really know very many people. I had just converted from Preppy/jock to alt rock/hippie/stoner and was trying to fit in with about all those groups. Dave was just a good guy. Very hospitable and enjoyable. He was driving me around in his Mercury and I was smoking. I'm not sure if he was. He had put on some good music. We were talking about the town of Pella and he was describing something. I made a comment like this: "Oh, is that the nice part of Pella or the crappy 'poor' part of Pella?". I was describing where Dave's parents' house was and where he was raised. It was such an DB thing to say. I don't think I really even felt like that about different parts of Pella, but thought for some reason Dave was from the "nice part of town". Dave was understandably hurt and defensive. He probably soon forgot about it but I never have.

I thank Dave for showing me the mirror and being one of my first examples of how to be hospitable.

Pissed Off Jesus

2008-07-23T20:50:00.000-07:00

My friend Wayne asked me in the comment section about some of my views on scripture that appears to conflict with a Jesus who is a pacifist. Here is what i started writing and then, once again decided to make it into an actual post:

I have thought a lot about the cleansing of the temple. Here are a couple thoughts.

1. I don't think he struck anybody. -When I think of violence, I think of striking another human. Though he was pissed, he never hurt anybody physically. However, this still doesn't make sense for the upside down kingdom that I was talking about because he used force to bring about change.

2. I also heard an explaination of the story where the author did some hocus pocus with the Greek explaining that it was less violent that many of us understand. - I don't know Greek so I wasn't very interested in what the speaker or writer had to say. I've been around enough preachers to know that the "actual translation" is going to support whatever their interp is anyways.

3. The story is true, but metaphorical (or more than true as Marcus Borg would say). The importance and value of the story shouldn't be on whether or not he actually used a whip or hit people or was cursing. The truth in the story is that he was pissed about people marginalizing the people and selling forgiveness. The Temple leaders were profitting on the sins of humanity and whoring out a sacred and holy place. The story could include Jesus poking people in the eyes three stooges style and wiping boogers on them and the importance would still be on how God wants reconcilliation and redemption to be carried out and how to not carry it out.

And, I don't think that even if he used violence, (3 stooge style or whip style) it doesn't fit with the rest of the gospel. So, if he did in fact use violence, and one is reading the story literally, maybe Jesus wasn't a pacifist. Maybe he will come back with a sword to kill and destroy even though he said to turn the other cheek. Maybe he only meant "love your enemies" until I return and then we can all have a good time killing them and making fun of them and enjoying the slaughter of our loved ones together as one happy family. In my mind that wouldn't make sense. Why would he teach peace for now until he returns to kill. It seems like the white military bringing a peace offering of small pox infected blankets to the unsuspecting and trusting Native Americans. It sets up a superiority hierarchy. Christians on top... the rest on the bottom... and then muslims under that... and homosexuals under that... and homosexual muslims over in a different chart. (sorry about that... i thought it was funny).

But maybe I'm wrong. This is actually possible and quite likely as I'm wrong a lot of the time. But the non-pacifist Jesus doesn't make sense to me. It did for a while, but now it doesn't. If I'm wrong, I'll be damned...literally. but if I'm right, then the mean Jesus people will be OK as well as the pacifist Jesus people. That would be beautiful.

Pacifism

2008-07-23T01:57:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Allison for probing my brain in her comments from my last blog.

She asked and I don't quote: Was Jesus really a pacifist or what do you think a pacifist looks like?

So I began writing this and then decided to make it a new blog entry:

"Allison-- Good questions. Thanks for the prayers too. Here is a response from the top of my head:First, I think Christ will return and is returning for more than just the righteous... But that is neither here nor there.

But I'd describe the pacifism of Jesus as a paradigm/kingdom that flipped the tables on our understanding of power and relational systems. This is described well when Jesus talks about how to treat our enemies "turn the other cheek", "walk with the Roman soldier 2 miles", "love your enemy". A practical example from the scriptures are the stories of the woman caught in adultery and when Peter cuts off the ear of the soldier in the garden.

In both situations a person could justify actions of violence on the party involved. The religious folks who wanted to stone the woman caught in adultery. They were legally (Moses' Law) allowed and even obligated to stone her for being caught in adultery. But Christ shows a better way. Not only was the way better for the woman, but for those ready to throw stones. I believe it is more important to Jesus for us to live in peace and love than to follow the Law of Moses. He showed a new kingdom by which justice is not brought by the sword but through an intentional act of love and forgiveness.

And in the Peter sotry, Jesus must rebuke his most faithful follower because Peter is trying to bring about this new kingdom via the sword-- literally. Peter was reasonably justified to strike the soldier/slave- Malchus (I think that was his name) because they were coming to kill Jesus. It was self defense. He was coming to the aid of God. As Peter shows, when we come to God's aid, we rarely do things right. We ussually really have our own agendas in mind. Instead, Jesus rebuke's Peter and puts the ear back on like he's a magician at a birthday party. (I think it would be great if Jesus would have pulled a coin out of the ear before he put it back on. He could have combined the this story and the story where he pulls the coin out of the fish. I don't think he thought it all the way through or it would have happened like that. See picture of my ear with coin below).

Anyway... I think this is actually the gospel. It is the salvation of a new way to live. It overthrows the way that man has lived through our entire history: might makes right... An eye for an eye... homeland security... etc. Through this new kingdom, God brings redemption. through the death and resurection of an innocent man/God we can experience redemption in our lives (and deaths). It is the only plan that could work because it is the only plan that overthrows the tainted part of our nature. "

So... I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell for this way of thinking. Can somebody please confirm that? I know it's not all worked out and that it's pretty messy. But I am pretty sure I believe at least 26% * of what I wrote.

* I have the right to change that number at any time. No animals were injured in the making of this blog.

Violence

2008-07-21T02:40:00.001-07:00

I've been trying to figure out how to process being hit in the face. Violence is such a weird thing. I'd like to point out some feelings I've been having and then write about what I think they mean.

1. Pitty/compassion- The individual that punched me has I'm sure been the victim of violence many times. I genuinely feel bad for this young man. It isn't fair that he has never been shown how to process strong feelings of anger and dissapointment. It's painful to think about this soon to be man's future. He will most likely wind up in prison.

2. Anger- Though I am aware of the cycle of abuse passed down from one Dad to his son... it has now been passed down to me. And that sucks. It brings out angry feelings that I haven't felt in a long-long time. My anger is something that effects every relationship I have I think. I either take up the victim role of a person who deserves and demands your pity or I take on the role of the asshole who deserves and demands your obedience and respect.

3. Helplessness- As I have been re-discovering my idealism about life in general, I find myself in a strange spot. I am a man who is aspiring to live a life filled with peace and grace. So I wonder if pacifism can really work. In the job I'm in, is there any other way to help young violent men deal with their issues? How much can a person take before he can no longer be compassionate and must now move on to try to bring about the Kingdom in another area?

4. Hopelessness- As I try to figure out what to do next, I realize I don't have a lot of marketable skills for a new job in the state with the second highest unemployment rate in the US. So I suppose I'll stay in my job to try to be an agent of grace not because I choose to, but because I must. Speak Lord for your servant is listening.

The Heart of Christianity- Marcus Borg

2008-07-20T02:52:00.000-07:00

I'm reading this book. I haven't read a book in a while for leisure and this is a good one. It is taking me a while to really dig in, but it is full of really interesting goodies. It really explains how a "more-than-literal" translation of the bible makes sense. It's what I've believed for a while now, but he makes sense of what I believe I guess.

He says that his book should be a bridge between the gap of Fundys and Liberals. That's nice and it makes sense. If only the Fundys could see it that way. I guess I'm skeptical. Jodi on the other hand is reading a book called "Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism". She says it is rocking her to her core. That's good I guess. She has really been reading a lot. If I'm not careful, she is going to be smarter than me very soon. Her book so far has been much more critical of Fundamentalism and has been deconstructing the earlier religious paradigm of the Enlightenment. I can't wait to hear about how he puts things back together.

Oh... I got punched in the face tonight at work. It hurt a moderate amount. I was pretty juiced up before and even more-so after. Who would think that 252 could move so fast? Trying to figure out how to live as a pacifist when I have to use physical force to solve problems at work. Throw up a prayer for me to be an agent of grace in a dark place.

Sigur Ros

2008-07-18T21:54:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the nudity. I'm going to try to blog more. Part of that will mean that I'll be posting on things I'm watching or listening to.

Sigur Ros

I heard of this band a couple years ago from my friend Jonathan Ryskamp. Now my other friend Dwight that I work with has given me my first taste of the icelandic band. Dwight knows a lot about music and movies. Seriously a LOT!. More, in fact, than anybody I know. Sigor get a chance to listen, check them out sometime. Here is a web-site.

http://www.sigur-ros.co.uk/

Story Time

2008-07-10T00:10:00.000-07:00

Today I read stories to high school and middle school youth from my church. Well, it wasn't really "stories", but a part of a story. I am very inspired since my mission trip and started a book study with my kids to get them excited about serving each other this next year at youth group. We are reading Donald Miller's book Blue Like Jazz. It is very good. I have read it several times and am still amazed every time I read it.

So, I got a rocking chair out, made some cookies and got some millk out. The kids sat around and listened to me read two chapters of a book. Some of them made artsy things and some of them just sat and listened. It was very beautiful. They seemed to really enjoy being read to.

We talked about how we imagine God to be like. Is he white? fat? loud? angry? etc. Some people drew pictures of God. We also talked about "sin nature". Miller seems big on this. I'm not sure of The Episcopal Churchs' stance on the original state of humans with their/our sin, but I must say I flip flop. It's not important I guess though. I agree that we are all broken and need to try to become whole or whole-er.

I'm excited for chapters 3-4 next Wed.

Cincinnati

2008-07-07T21:58:00.001-07:00

Last week I was in Cincinnati with a few kids from my church. We were on a mission trip with Group Work Camps. It was a great experience. I had some great experiences.

1. I think that I found my love for the poor once again. I guess I never really trult lost it, but a few of the job sites really reminded me on a micro-level why my heart breaks on a macro-level. One site was at a community center run by a church. The kids there reminded me of when me and Jodi were running our pickle ministry when we first moved to our neighborhood. The kids were so willing to just be picked up and held and ready to snuggle with people who were total strangers.

2. Finding my love for the poor again part II. Some of the kids worked at a food pantry stocking shelves. The people that came in were allowed a certain amount of food per month. They were genuinely poor because it was kind of a hassel to get in. The organization logged a lot of info on each person who came in and what they took. I imagine that folks who must live like this spend much of their day going from place to place just to survive. It must take all day long to feed one's family.

3. I was able to help feed all the students serving on the trip. My job was hospitality coordinator. I mostly supervised the kids making dinner and cleaning up. All of the groups did well and I was proud of the food we served. Later, when one of my kids asked me about my favorite part of the week, I told them that I really enjoyed cooking for large groups of people and organizing and delegating the jobs to get the work done. Yesterday I found out about a job in Grand Rapids that would be doing those two things at a soup kitchen. I'm very excited about it and have been filling out my resume and cover letter to send out. It really would be the perfect job for me.

4. My heart was softened. Seeing the poverty in Cincinnati softened my heart. I am a firm believer in being intentional with the things you do. Going to Cincinnati was intentional but I didn't know I'd come back viewing the marginalized of Grand Rapids in a different way. Tonight we went for coffee with a student and a homeless man asked me for money for a hot-dog. Instead we were able to buy him a snadwich from 4 Friends Coffee House (which I found out is closing in a week). I don't say this to tell you what a great guy I am, but instead to tell you how far I had strayed from being compassionate about the poor of Grand Rapids. I suppose it's natural to feel hostile towards a group if you have been robbed and stolen from by that group. This is the problem with lumping human beings into groups. It's so hard to see the most beautiful of all creation when you have decided that they are eveil before you have evn met them.

5. I was partners with a Pentacostal from Canada while on the trip. We had some great discussions. I think we were both very careful with what we said and how we described our views. This was good. He taught me a lot about grouping I guess and I learned that Pentacostals are crazy but still beautiful.

Take off eh!

2008-05-21T02:29:00.000-07:00

I leave in a couple days for Canada again. I am excited. I look forward to this trip every year. Some of the highlights this year will be:
1. Home Brew
2. Seeing Erik again.
3. Spending time with Russ
4. Bringing my friend Jay on the trip for the first time.

We're going to the Red Pine Lodge this year. I found the spot and am nervous that the fishing may not be as good. The cabin doesn't have any running water. It has no shower and an outhouse. You have to fetch the water for the dishes.

We're going for a full week this year which is new too. The last few years we've only gone for like 4 days. Hopefully this will allow for me to win everybody's cash while playing hold 'em. PLus we'll play lots of Settlers again. I'll give you an update with pictures when and if I return.

Spiritual Direction

2008-04-03T07:50:00.000-07:00

I've been in spiritual direction for about 8 months now. I recently switcherd who I was seeing and it has been great. I was advised to journal after our meeting today so i thought I would.

I noticed a lot today. As you may have noticed (all of you readers out there) I haven't been blogging as much. In fact the last time I blogged was a couple months ago. I just haven't been into it. I think it's connected to what I figured out today. As I look back through my blogs I can see the transformation I have been going through. Starting with some significant theological shifts while I was at lighthouse church on Monroe all the way through my Anglican "conversion". But since we fell in love with the EC I think I have gone through my biggest transformation. I'm at peace. I feel like a whole new person. I AM a whole new person. Not in a weird "I'm a new creation" evangelical kind of way. I just look back at the things I blogged about and the things I was thinking and notice how I am not interested in those things anymore.

Much of my blogging was me working out my own theology and figuring out if I was capable of believing the things I was thinking. I give much of this credit to Emergent and many of its thinkers.

Here is where the "Waiting" comes in though. I had a strange month. Holy week was meaningful for the first time in my life. It was great to experience the liturgy and be a part of it. It was definately where I saw God the most clearly. But I didn't spend time each day in prayer. (It sounds so weird to even say that because last year it would have never crossed my mind to spend time praying.) My director listened patiently as I told him about areas that I noticed God being absent. I told him that I didn't feel God's absence rather, I just didn't feel anything. not in a bad way... I had a great month. I felt peace and beaty all around me and the relationships I am in.

He mentioned that he thought maybe it was because I was in transition in a couple areas. 1. We are getting ready to go to seminary. This had a few layers to it because of my resistance to following through on a couple hoops within the process and we talked about my fears. That was good. 2. This transformation I've been going through. It felt good for him to help me put words to how I was feeling. As I looked back over the past year I noticed how much I had changed. It's a bunch.

I look forward to the next few days as I continue to ponder these things and try to pay more attention to what is going on with me. It'll be fun to talk about it with my best girl.

Young Man

2008-02-08T20:26:00.000-08:00

I went to the "Y" today to play basketball. Everything went well until after I was done playing basketball. I have seen some crazy things as I do bed checks at my job, but what I saw in the locker room was truly terrifying in a "this is normal?" sort of way. I guess I haven't spent much time in locker rooms. There are men in the locker room with enormous... bodies. Probably from lifting. But I'll tell you. The last thing on my mind is starting up a conversation with a stranger while I'm totally nude. I'm not making accusations here about anything. But I am saying I kind of go out of my way to be discrete. I understand that this is kind of how things are in the womens locker room. I don't know what that says about me, but it's cool. Next time I guess I'll see if I can go in the girls locker room.

One more thing. I think I've changed a lot since high school. I remember me and Tom Potgeter sliding around on the shower floors after basketball games. It was like a water slide, only way more fun. Jodi is aware of this because I had to tell her about it. It's how I caught the "clap".

No Country for Old Men

2008-02-03T02:58:00.000-08:00

My friend Keith asked me what I was reading. Get with the times Keith. Nobody "reads" anymore! We listen to books on cassette tapes. Jodi and I just "read" this book together in a week. Sometimes we sat and listened. Othertimes, we cleaned the kitchen and listened. We also played a lot of poker and knitted (or crocheted) while we listened.

My thoughts: I need to think a lot more about this book/tape/CD/movie. It was very dark. Pretty depressing. Almost dissapointing. I love these kinds of books/movies. I wonder how the movie will be. I heard it is very violent. The book for shizzle is very violent. I think it will be amazing to watch and experience with other senses.

Listening to books on tape is going to be a new hobby of ours. The only problem will be that we don't know what to listen to next. we rediscovered the library and that is helpful, but does anybody have any recomendations?

Going Down the Road... Feeling Bad

2008-02-02T21:14:00.000-08:00

Anxiety has come over the Baron house. Jodi and I at times get into funks. Well, we're in one now. When we get in these moods, it feels good to spend money. It always feels good to spend money for me, but when we feel funky, it feels great. Maybe like an addict with his "whatever". We went out for Ethiopian tonight. It was good. Mo loves it and we love it too. It's so delicious. Oh, it also feels good to eat when I get in a funk.

Things are fine for the most part and we do count our blessings (and name them one by one). We have a great life and family. Keep an eye and ear out for renters for us. Hopefully tomorrow the title will be "Going where the Water tastes like wine".

Why am I Surprised?

2008-01-22T20:37:00.000-08:00

http://beeyeglad.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=17032

Well, I stopped getting so excited on this forum a while ago. I used to get all upset and lose sleep. Literally! I'd wake up and go check this bulletin board and almost enjoy the conflict. But I have started to look at it differently in the past 6 months or so. I rarely disagree on it and instead look for ways to get along and see commonalities in people instead of differences. It for the most part has worked. I sometimes still use my passing gear voice when I think I must, but have enjoyed folks on there much more this way. I'd actually say i have seen God much more in each person on here when I'm not focused on how I think their theology is wrong or how their worldview must be changed to mine. This is maybe an obvious way to live for many of you, but it has been a struggle for me.

Today heath Ledger died. You can go to CNN and read the story for yourself if you'd like, but the important thing for you to know to understand this blog is that he was in "Brokebackk Mountain". If you don't know what that is, you probably already stopped reading (like anybodie's reading anyways). It wasn't a GREAT film, but it was important I think. One of the most important films for me to see maybe ever. It was about two gay cowboys who struggle to figure things out for their whole lives. It's so interesting to watch different relationships within the movie and how difficult things were for both men. The reason it was important for me was because I don't have a clue about how difficult things are for people that are different from me. I don't mean like "i don't get you because you are a mechanic" kind of thing, but "I had no idea what things were like for you and really still don't" kind of way. It's more of an awareness of being un-aware kind of thing.

So, Now comes the part where I tie together the hippie board and Heath Ledger. Somebody asked if Mr' Ledger's death was God's judgement for trying to make homosexuality more mainstream and acceptable. I won't comment much more than this because I assume that those of you readin right now see things similarly enought to me that we can mentally look at one another and give a little wink. I'm now going to list a few things that Fundamentalists have blamed on homosexuals.

1. 911

2. New Orleans

3. The breakdown of the "American Family"

4. The feminization of the Church

5. Heath Ledger's Death

I'll say no more on this subject.

"It's your Family Fare Neighborhood!"

2007-12-10T01:33:00.000-08:00

I get grumpy sometimes in the mornings after I work. Here's a story. Once every couple months the Church I work at does a can drive to raise money for the youth mission trip. This past week we had a lot of cans. A few things happened and I needed to get the cans out of the church right away. So, I went and got them one day after work. I didn't really want to go get them. But I did. So I had a lot of cans in the back of the van that Jodi's parents gave to us.

Sunday morning I had a hour to kill before church so I decided to return the cans at the 68th street Family Fare. There were less than 5 people in the whole store. I took two shopping carts in and had the can station to myself. If you know me well, you know that i hate being dirty. This effects a number of things in my life from changing diapers, to playing football in high school, to backpacking, to showering, to toiletry behaviors (I use wet-wipes). So, getting my hands in dirty nasty sticky beer cans is not a fun thing to do for me. In fact, I hate it!

I did cans for about 40 minutes. I had a system down. Jodi can attest, that I can always find the best and most efficient way to do things. Or, she can attest to the fact that I always think I have the most efficient way of doing things. Part of this efficiency is not having the pop can machine beeping at you when you need to have it operational. The bottles take the longest. So it needs to be working if the system is going to work. You get it.

The FF folks did not get that I had a system and that it was essential for me to be able to work this system to keep my mind off the germs on my hands and shirt sleeves. So they lolly-gagged their way over to be helpful. This happened three times.

I had like $47 that I ran through the machines. I still have more cans in my van. But I made me way to the checkout to cash in. I was gonna buy doughnuts, but since FF employees took so long to stop the beeping, my system got hi-jacked and I no longer had time for the said doughnuts or hot chocolate I needed for youth group that night. (note: the doughnuts and hot chocolate was a part of a larger system that had been set up in my mind to make things run smoothly on a busy Sunday). So I just needed to cash in my slips and get out of there. I waited for at least 3 minutes for somebody to show up and scan my slips. I could see them hustling off to sweep or clean or whatever, but it was pretty clear to me that can-man was not on the top of their priorities. Finally a woman showed up. She was old. She walked past me without looking at me. She grabbed my slips and started scanning. This was fine I thought. No time for chit-chat. She's working her system. I wasn't really in the mood for talking anyways. My hands were dirty and I was tired. But then she says without ever having even looked at me, "You know there is a $25 limit on these?". Now I was pissed. Damn the system. I explained to her in an assertive way that I was disappointed that she hadn't even acknowledged me and this was the first thing she had said. She smiled. Then I explained to her that the law was clearly in my favor on this. I read an article this summer in the Press stating that stores may not limit how many cans are returned. She said she doesn't make the rules.

I can understand having a can limit if things are busy. Nobody wants to wait around to do their cans if they have like 10 cans but there is some yahoo with three shopping carts of cans a bottles. This makes sense. But she wanted to follow the rules because she was lazy. She was inconvenienced by me. She needed to switch the cans and then needed to stop what she was doing to help me.

The morale of the story is, the next time I buy a case of beer, I will inform the store that my policy is to only pay a $1.00 deposit per trip. If they don't like it, I'll just say, "Sorry, I don't make the rules". This may be misleading since I will in fact be the one who has made the rule, but that's beside the point.

Also, I have been trying to figure out how to say this: "I couldn't care less". I think a lot of people say "I could care less". "I could care less" could mean a lot of different levels of caring. The only thing it rules out is the fact that it is not on the extreme level of not caring. It may mean you care a great deal or that you care a moderate amount. This is why the expression needs to be "I couldn't care less". This means, "I care so little, that there is no possible way for me to be less caring". Be careful when you use this phrase. It's tricky.

Peaceful

2007-11-24T02:15:00.000-08:00

I have successfully aligned my chakras and have become one with the world. The positive energy now flows freely through all 5 chakras and my spirit is free.

Well, I don't know about that, but I am much happier today than I was a couple years ago. I spent several years in desolation after moving back from the U.P. In fact, I was sort of insane for a few years. It didn't help that my job at Wedgwood was highly stressful emotionally and physically. But I seem to have come through on the other side seemingly stronger.

I was reading a book about the Rule of St. Benedictine. One of the chapters was on hospitality and prophecy. I though it was weird that the two chapters were together but the author explained well how they were linked. (you'll have to read the book for a good explanation too). But as I was reading this chapter on hospitality, I was reminded of how passionate I was for being hospitable. Especially int he last 2 years, I have kind of lost that passion and desire. But now it seems to be rising up inside me again. I believe that because of my much healthier mental state I am able to reclaim gifts, desires, and passions that God placed in me. It's hard to explain, but this is such an exciting time for me. I honestly wasn't sure if I'd ever snap out of this funk, but now feeling these very natural feelings, I am reminded of God's goodness in my life. I spent far too long being genuinely wounded and spent a large portion of time feeling sorry for myself.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still righteously cynical, irreverently prophetic, and sarcastically reflective. These things may change as I continue to seek the God-life, but until then, I'll embrace these wonderfully awful characteristics.

Peace!

"Bye-Bye Alligator"

2007-11-21T01:03:00.000-08:00

"Bye-Bye Alligator". This is what Mo is saying to try to mimic her mama or "mapa" (My papa). She really is pretty sweet. She's also been going potty on the big girl potty regularly. She's only pooped on the potty once. I think she's scared.

Grandma Grace Baron died last week. She was a good grandma. Mo liked to hang on the side of the coffin at the visitation. She did it at least 3 times and I had to shoo her away from it. It could have been pretty awful if something would have been wiggled free.

I had hoped to go hunting this year, but looks like it won't work out again (sorry Keith). We're just too frickin busy.

I've been kind of obsessing about my own death today. If this is my last entry, I guess I'm a prophet.

Tubby Time

2007-11-01T02:11:00.000-07:00

Better day today. Mo went trick or treating. She refused to say "trick-or-treat" until after we were done. Not even a spanking made her give in. I think her favorite part was knocking on doors. She loves to copy Papa. She didn't really get the candy exchange thing.

When we got home, she took a really long bath. I watched her and Jodi playing and giggling. She is so wonderful. She has learned to say "A-B-C". Nice work Mo. You are a prodigy.

I went to spiritual direction tonight. It was good. I really like the woman who directs me. I think it will be a great relationship.

When I got home Jodi and I snuggled on the couch. It looked kind of like the picture, except we weren't in the tub. I love the family guy and get to watch it every day on fox at 1:30 am. Peter is very funny.

Oh, I saw the guy in the whealchair again today. I thought about him all last night and a bunch today. My words were ringing in my ears repeatedly and I felt guilt over my dealings with him. "I can't help you" I shouted. Then today he motioned me to pull over as I was driving by. He needed $5 for a taxi to get to st. mary's for physical therapy. This time I could help him. I offered him a ride over there. He declined stating he couldn't ride with me for liability reasons. I gues I'm thankful that he is just looking out for my well being. He's probably been sued several times and can't risk another financial downfall. I felt justified in my anger is my point.

Leonard Cohen, Fundy Hippies, and Living like Jesus

2007-10-31T01:08:00.000-07:00

The Hippie Christian Bulletin Board that I've been on for about a year really got to me today. Some other bad things happened too.

1. On the HCBB there are several different "forums". One of the forums is for new believers. I don't venture in there very often because for the most part Fundys think I'm scary and that I'll screw up their good thing. But for some reason I went in and was reading about a young woman who wasn't a Christian and was explaining her objections. She pointed out her disdain for war and how it seemed like many Christians are all about it. She said she read the beatitudes and how they made her cry but that she didn't see these valuable principles lived out by those who claim to follow Christ. She also pointed out her struggle to understand the only theology of hell that she had ever been informed of. The angry God who wants to send us there kind of hell. She said she didn't get it and that she couldn't subscribe to a religion that believed God would send people to hell. To a fundamentalist, these questions are easy. "When a perspective believer says they don't like hell, tell them 'this'." Faith is quantified and mathemetized. They say things like, "God wants us to know him so he gave us his Word to read and study." They think we can know all we need to and that God will take care of the rest. But I mentioned that I resonated with her comments and that I too had those questions. I mentioned that I thought that her search for truth was a noble one. I told her that even though there are many who will say things like "The bible is black and white and will answer your little questions", that she should continue to search for truth. So, the moderator deleted my posts and sent me a message saying that my perspective was "liberal" and that I shouldn't post on there any more unless I take a biblical stance.

2. We had a dispute with a friend tonight. I won't go into detail, but it was kind of a big deal. We were angry with this person because we felt wronged. The decisions that this person made affected our whole family. That makes me cranky. This happened right before I had to leave for work. I don't know if we handled things in a loving or peaceful way. I'm not sure how we'll handle things tomorrow.

3. On the way to my car, a man in a wheelchair was asking me for money to get to his brothers. This happens often in my neighborhood. The folks never want a ride, they want $0.75 for bus fare or $1.50 for bus fare, or in this case $3.50 for bus fare. It's always a specific amount I guess because then it seems like they have earnestly been trying to help themselves, but they just aren't able to do it. They simply need my help. Anyways, can you tell I wasn't buying it. I am ussually very patient and offer to help without giving out money. But tonight, I was grumpy and I didn't have any money and I was loading my kids into the car at 10:30PM. I needed to get to work and this guy wasn't giving up. I tried three times to be polite. Jodi was upset. I was vulnerable because I had my kids and I was tired of it. So I kind of gave him an ear full. I don't think I was very Christ-like.

4. Then I read some Leonard Cohen poetry. He is very dark. It kind of made me feel better. Here is a poem he wrote.

SOS 1995

Take a long time with your anger,

sleepy head.

Don't waste it in riots.

Don't tangle it with ideas.

The Devil won't let me speak,

will only let me hint

that you are a slave,

your misery a deliberate policy

of those in whose thrall you suffer,

and who are sustained

by your misfortune.

The atrocities over there,

the interior paralysis over here--

Pleased with the better deal?

You are clamped down.

You are being bred for pain.

The Devil ties my tongue.

I'm speaking to you,

'friend of my scribbled life'.

You have been conquered by those

who know how to conquer invisibly.

The curtains move so beautifully,

lace curtains of some

sweet old intrigue:

the Devil tempting me

to turn away from alarming you.

So I must say it quickly.

Whoever is in your life,

those who harm you,

those who help you;

those whom you know

and those whom you do not know --

let them off the hook,

help them off the hook.

Recognize the hook.

You are listening to Radio Resistance.

Never Cry Wolf

2007-10-18T00:40:00.000-07:00

Tonight my job sucked. When my job doesn't suck, it is great, but when it sucks, it really sucks. I was trying to meditate and do some of my prayer exercises, but couldn't focus because my mind was racing thinking about traumatic events. So, I watched a movie. "Never Cry Wolf"

I saw this movie when I was boy. Mostly what I remembered was the man eating all the mice and seeing him naked a lot. but I watched the movie tonight as I was trying to relax. It was good. Not a lot of dialogue and some very beautiful cinematography. There wasn't a political overtone (though I could make one) and it wasn't overly emotional. I just enjoyed watching and dreaming about being in the wild. It felt quite healthy. Here are a few observations about the movie.

1. My week was filled with meetings and work. That is OK because it's not always like that, but I feel like I have missed a lot with my girls. So watching a movie that was kind of about breaking free and slipping off the grid entirely was refreshing. There was a line in there about an old Inuit Eskimo (I'm not sure if that is PC). He was following this Eskimo to where the Caribou were and they hiked for 3 days. He mentioned how much more endurance this old man had but how the old man didn't really notice how slow the main character was. He said it was because the Eskimo had no understanding of impatience.

2. The main character was in the arctic studying the wolves. A major theme in the movie was about how he was spending all of his time noticing and watching. he also mentioned how much more in tune with things the wolves were. He said they used all of their senses to notice what was going on but that really all he was using were his eyes and brain. (is the brain a sense?). Anyways, Jodi and I have been trying to live our lives in an attentive and reflective way. Always noticing what is going on and how we respond to those things. I look forward to much more progress in this area.

Coffee and Such

2007-10-03T00:47:00.000-07:00

When I get my work done, I drink coffee to stay awake. Here are some things I like to do.

1. Read. Right now I'm reading about 6 books for my vocational discernment program. My favorite book is a commentary on the Rule of Benedict. I'm learning a lot about Benedictine Spirituality and about myself.
2. Journal. I also have started journalling for my vocational program. It's good to journal, but I've never been very good at it. I like to blog which is a way to journal, but I don't really like to keep a dear diary. It will probably never be something that I do with any kind of regularity.
3. Movies. I have watched a few good ones lately. Right now I'm watching a documentary on Leonard Cohen. I really need to buy a book of his poetry. It is very beautiful and pretty dark. In the documentary it says that it takes him at least a year to work on a single song. Pretty crazy.
4. I've been lifting weights. Check out my huge arms next time you see me.
5. I also have kind of a routine on the internet. I read a few different blogs, check the hippie Christian BB, read CNN's board, read Sojo, check my fatasy football stuff, and sometimes write a new blog.

But that's about it. Inbetween all of this, I am doing bed checks, doing laundry, starting a meal for the guys for the next day, and fill out my paperwork.

Thanks for reading my blog. Let's get together and have a cup of coffee (or beer) soon.

Jesus loves the little children- but Bush doesn't?

2007-09-27T23:53:00.000-07:00

Well, maybe the title isn't fair. But isn't that what it looks like? Bush says he will veto a bill expanding the State Children's Helaht Insurance Prgram (SCHIP). The program would offer insurance to more children who are not necessarily under the poverty line but who cannot afford insurance.

The proposal will cost 35 billion over the next 5 years. Bush supporters will say that he should wait till SCHIP is more efficient and streamlined. They will say that they want the plan to be more refined so it doesn't allow for abuse. "We want good intel." "We don't want to waste money on something we aren't sure will work out."

I am not a wild spender (well with my own money I may be). In some ways, I am conservative on how I think the gov't should send our tax dollars. But isn't it ironic that Bush is deciding to be "responsible" on the backs of the poor children of the US?

This is all coming out about SCHIP at the same time Bush is asking for $55 billion more for the war in Iraq. Thank God we got the intel right on that and that we aren't losing millions of dollars to abuse over there to no-bid contracts and crooked military folks who administer money as they see fit with no accountability for the funds they dish out. I don't want to hate Bush, but it is sooo hard not to. I wish it was harder.

Blackwater

2007-09-27T02:05:00.000-07:00

So... this is interesting. If you don't know what "Blackwater" is, then you aren't paying attention. Check it out. I heard about Blackwater last year during the election for governor last year. My friend Jay told me about them. Here are some interesting things about Blackwater

1. They are a mercenary group which is hired for private protection in volatile areas. The obvious hot spot right now is in Iraq. Here is my understanding, and I'd love and welcome correction if I get the facts wrong.

2. They were started by one of the Prince kids from Holland. Erik Prince went to Holland Christian and was/is a Navy Seal. His father is very rich and he used some of the family money to start a training school in S. Carolina to train these mercenaries.

3. How I understand it, they don't have to follow the same rules of engagement as the military and don't really have to follow and rules at all. I think they get their license to practice mercenary type things from the State Department and don't really have to follow Iraqi law.

4. So when they kill at least 11 civilians and Iraq says they must leave, they don't have to listen because they don't really answer to the Iraqi gov't. It's a sweet deal for these businessmen. They can keep their constituents happy and safe because they can carry out operations and violence that not even our military can. They can guarantee safety because at any hint of danger, they can start blasting. The problems with this are obvious.

5. Dick Devos's daughter is married to Erik Prince. There is a lot of Michigan money tied up in this whole thing. A lot of West Michigan money. Two families from our area that are very influential and thought of highly.

I wonder how the U.S. will handle this. The Press today interviewed a "senior military official" that said that this most recent scandal was bigger than Abu Graib. That's frickin' scary!

This is the scariest part:

"Meanwhile, the State Department interceded in a congressional investigation of Blackwater last week, ordering the company not to disclose information about its Iraq operations without approval from the Bush administration."

Well, if we can't trust the Bush administration to give it to us straight, then who can we trust. I'm sure Cheney will look over the material and let us know exactly what we need to know.

God save us from this war. Give us a way out that will glorify you and waste as few lives as is possible. Help us to love our enemies and to do what is right for all involved rather than seeking our own benefit.

St. Benedict

2007-09-14T23:02:00.000-07:00

Jodi and I are in a vocational discernment program to help us figure out God's calling in our lives. We are trying to see if God would have us go to seminary to become an Episcopalian Priest. (Turns out Jodi is also feeling a call to either the priesthood or to become a Deacon. That's exciting too.) It is a frustrating and exciting time. We have already met for two weekends, and will meet for six more before the end of the year.

IN many ways I feel like this program is just a hoop to jump through, but when I am thinking clearly and not defensively, I am able to notice how good it is for me. Much of the discernment is helping me to focus on the internals of my life rather than the externals. As many of you know, I have focused on the externals for a LOOOONG time. So it is hard for me to change my patterns of thinking. I'm really learning to notice how I am responding in certain situations and how I need to listen and be still more. It's liberating.

The people in the discernment program are great. I would work with any of them at any time. We went out for drinks last Friday. Well, they each had a drink, and I had a couple. I was thirsty. But we had a great time and we laughed a lot and talked about the future. I think they will all make wonderful Priests or Deacons.

One of the classes is on Benedictine Spirituality. I was nervous it would be boring, but it is actually very interesting. We have a devotional (it's actually called a "rule") that we read each day and then journal about. Turns out I like to journal. The Benedictine Rule has been pretty interesting. Today's rule was about leadership and what Benedict's take was. If you get a chance, pick up a copy of the rule.

I also saw a movie today. It was called "Super Bad". It was funny but very vulgar. I wouldn't have paid to see it if I knew what it would be like. It's more of a rental movie which is too bad. I never go to the movies anymore. I went with my friend Matt. Then we went and got pizza. Jodi is in Florida with the girls. I miss them.

7 Year Itch

2007-08-28T01:27:00.001-07:00

As of August 26, Jodi and I have been married for 7 years. It's been great. Here are some highlights:

1. August 26, 2000. Jodi and I had sex for the first time. It was really fun and we decided to try it a few other times since.

2. Sept. 23, 2005. We had Mo. She is great. It has been fun being parents. It has changed our relationship but for the better. we both enjoy watching each other grow and develop as a parent.

3. May 12, 2007. We had Gretta. She is great too. She smiles a lot and poops less than Mo did. What a combo.

4. We have fought a lot. Jodi and I fight a lot. If you have spent any time with us, you know that. We piss off our friends often when we bicker in front of them. We don't know any other way to live though. I think the older we get the healthier our view on disagreements and how we handle them. We are both pretty sensitive and hurt each other's feelings often. but then we try out #1 again. Just kidding. i think we both have a pretty good handle on when we have offended the other and make ammends when we do. Thaks years of therapy!

5. Some of my favortie memories with Jodi are camping memories. I knew I found a great lady when she wanted to camp with me a lot before we got married. I think she just wanted to make out most of the time though. She is a good kisser!

6. Spiritual Journeys. Jodi and I have been through a lot together in this area. We both started out pretty screwed up by Fundamentalism and have now figured most everything out. Just kidding. We are still screwed up, but think that we have a healthier view of God than we did 7 years ago. This gets carried over into our daily living and how we view the world and how we parent. Thanks Brian McLaren, Mike Yacconelli, Rob Bell, Donald Miller, Josh and Kim Baron, Larry Bryans, Jim and Joan DeGraaf, Ed and Nancy Baron, Mike Fedewa, Karl Numinen, Allendale Friends, Erik and Beth Racine, RBC Friends, WW peeps, well, I guess pretty much everybody I have ever interacted with.

So, the bottom line is that we are happy. I think that's important. It's still hard to put up with each others' bullshit, but we do. And it's good. Thanks be to God for Jodi Baron.

The Bourne Ultimatum

2007-08-21T01:16:00.000-07:00

I just saw this movie. I am constantly looking for ways to point out perceived injustice within the Church. Here are a few thoughts about how I am Jason Bourne. If you haven

t seen the movie and want to, (I highly recomend the moovie by the way) then stop reading. I am going to give away the whole thing.

Remember near the end when he finds out that he "chose" his position as spy and unquestioning patriot? Well, anytime I hear the word choice, I don't start thinking about abortion, I start to think about intellectual evangelism and a bastardized version of the gospel. So... here is an unfair critique of modern evangelism and how I believe it has been misused and how heavy handed the Church has been with it's new believers.

The doctor in the movie reveals to Jason Bourne that he was the one who chose his life. He "signed on for this". The doctor readily admits that the new recruit (Bourne) was trained to not think but to simply follow orders. But Bourne was never really given the full story. I have 2 points about this:

1. I think that Fundamentalism is a lot like the doctor in terms of following orders. Once a new Christian "signs on", the culture does not allow for the questioning of it's beliefs and practices. Any perceived questioning or doubt is chalked up to the believers lack of faith and ineptitude. This creates a culture of needing to know you are right (and saved). This is what cause many to "learn" the gospel presentation and find a way that nobody can argue with. A way to rationalize God and to understand him logically. This arrogance is not only bad theology, but a foul odor that taints the air and keeps many from the pleasant aroma of the full gospel. It actually repels people from Christ. Bourne starts out wanting to serve his country at all costs: a noble act. He ends up doing much more harm and actually taking the lives of those he has promised to serve and protect.

2. An intellectual understanding of the gospel is no good news. When we present an easy to explain and easy to understand gospel we erase years of Christs' teachings. The gospel took Jesus 33 (give or take) years to explain and those closest never fully understood him. It is presumptuous for us to think we can explain it in a booklet or over a coke and french fries. A gospel that so many died for should not be delivered in snip-its or bullet points. It must be chewed and digested and vomitted and re-ingested, and deficated and studied and handled and stomped on and burned and used as fertilizer and experimented with and grown and then eaten again. It must be experienced on a daly basis in community and it must be desecrated and made to be displayed beautifully and...

I am not happy with this post. I am pretty scatter brained right now. Let me know if you can ore something good from this mess eh.

I Am Re-Learning to Read Good

2007-08-16T03:06:00.000-07:00

I started reading again. I haven't read in a long time. I'm not totally sure why. Sometimes when I read, I feel crazy. When I read really good books that inspire me to do things I think are noble and right, I feel crazy. It makes me want to abandon everything i have planned and follow my youthful idealism.

So... I'm readin the Irrisistable Revolution by Shaine Claiborne. It is very good. I feel very crazy. And I want to abandon my plans. Sort of. I still plan on attending seminary next fall, but I think what I plan to do after that is changing again. I think I like living in the city. I like living in the rough part of the city. I like to dream with Jodi about how we can love people and help them. I like to bring salsa andsalmon and hot peppers over to them and see their faces.

We have made some other life-style choices that will help us on our quest to become more active in social justice issues in our community. I'll write more about it next week after we see if we can do it.

"How can they learn to read if they can't even fit in the building?"

Jesus... Just in Case.

2007-08-05T21:13:00.001-07:00

So... this is weird. Jodi and I went and got a drink tonight at a pub in our neighborhood. Our awesome friend Rachelle listened for crying babies so we could go. Some interesting things.

1. It was Open Mic Night. The girl that was on when we got there was great. She had a beautiful voice but could have used a bit more guitar practice. She sang some Dylan as well as other stuff. Very nice.

2. The next guy played harmonica with her and harmonized with her. It was also very nice. he sang some Dylan, Dead, Merl Haggard, and I think some of his own stuff. He sang a song called, "Jesus, Just in Case". I couldn't hear the vocals very well, but knew what he was getting at.

I'm now going to rant about American Evangelicalism. What this guy knew about Jesus was that he could be helpful if there was a chance that God sent people to hell. If this is how others view Christianity, the Church is in jeopardy. If this is how others view our Christ, then we have done a piss poor job of portraying him. I hope someday the singer writes a song called, "Jesus... because his followers don't know what the hell they're doing". That would be more accurate I think.

3. A man showed up after that with a Big Lebowski T-shirt on. I bought him a White Russian as is customary in our tradition and waited for him to come over to talk. Nobody can argue with the fact that the BL is the best movie of all time. We talked about the Achievers and about the music on the sound track and about how smart we are for recognizing what a great movie it is. He was from Boston and traveling across the country. Nice man. His name was "Mando". If you haven't seen the movie, you may not read my blog again until you have seen it.

"Nobody F@&ks with Da Jesus" -- That's ironic. The first guy sang about Jesus and Mando loved the movie with this quote. Coincidence? I think not. The Lord is Moving in mysterious ways.

I Hate Catholics

2007-08-02T02:11:00.000-07:00

Check out this News article from CNN.
Click here dippy.

I am constantly amazed at the anti-Catholic sentiments in this country. In the past couple years I have experienced first hand evangelical Christians renouncing the Catholic faith and it's members. It has happened so often that I probably shouldn't be surprised anymore.

I differ with some of Catholic doctrine and won't see eye to eye on a lot that the new Pope has to say, but I consider the Catholic Church a beautiful and important part of the body of Christ. I'd like to highlight a few encounters with Catholic Hatred in the local circles that I've milled around in.

1. During the '04 election, I was discussing presidential hopefulls with some RBC students in a public area of the college. The college had sent around some "unbiased" voting info for all of its students to peruse. It was mostly, "Bush could be Messiah returning. I hope you're ready." and "Kerry is the anti-Christ. If you vote for him, you will turn gay and have to have an abortion" type things. The brochure also had on it what church the hopefulls were a part of. Under Kerry it had "He has flip-flopped on this issue too. He is part of the Church of Satan but is also a nominal catholic". (It didn't really say that). Under Bush, it mentioned that he was Methodist. I said out loud, "Oh boy!!! Bush is a Methodist. I can't vote for him." I was joking. I really couldn't vote for him, but not because he was Methodist. Just as I said that, the Dean's secretary walked by, heard me and said, "At least he's not catholic!". I didn't know how to respond.

2. Jodi and I were looking for a church in our neighborhood. I hate the baptist church and all baptists, but the only church around that wasn't catholic was a baptist church. So, we went. The pastor fromt he pulpit mentioned how their organist was catholic all her life but once she started to play the organ at the Baptist church, she heard the gospel for the first time and got saved. He then went on to make some other disparaging remarks regarding the CC. Later he came a callin' to our house and I asked him about his remarks. he drew out the difference between orthodox doctrine and catholic doctrine and how we just need to help the catholics be smarter and resist the devil. We told him he didn't need to come a callin' again and that we wouldn't be coming back.

3. At work, we take the kids to Kentwood Community Church. It is very vissually stimulating. There are a lot of lights and loud music and the worship leader is very smiley and fun. The people realy close their eyes hard when they pray. Nothing wrong with any of that. There was a testimony time one day and this guy came up and testified about how he got out of the trap of catholicism and how he praises God for KCC. I think people may have actually clapped. My friend, Luke, who is catholic didn't clap. I think it made him feel sad or another emotion on that end of the spectrum.

Did you go to CNN and read that article? I think that even though the man apologized for the remark, it will probably help the Huckabee camp. Being Catholic is a dirty secret I think if you are a Republican. But I don't get why. The Catholic Church is very conservative on issues that are important to Republicans: abortion, stem cell, and homosexuality. I guess as we're getting things hashed out for the primaries, this kind of thing will happen on both sides of the aisle. But I don't have to like it.

These are a Few of My Favorite Things

2007-08-01T02:25:00.000-07:00

(This is a picture of me in Canada on my fishing trip last year.)

1. Jodi. We were both in really good moods yesterday. It's always nice when that happens and everybody is friendly like. The day before I was in a bad mood. I think because I've had a crazy busy week. But I have a 5 day weekend coming up.

2. The girlies. Mo is great. She has been pretending a lot lately. ONe day she pretended to be crying over and over again. She'd burry her face in her hands and lay down on the bed and whimper. We would say, "Oh! Look mama. Momo is sad!" And then she would turn towards us giggling. We'say, "Oh, she was just faking!". Then she would do it again. She did this for 10 minutes. Gretta has been sleeping great. Jodi puts her to bed at about 9is and then I think she sleeps mostly through the night. Is this accurate Jodi?

3. Canada Fishing. I have 4 of my friends commited to going. I

am so excited, that i made up the menu yesterday. The trip is 4 months away.

4. Baseball. Tonight I took 3 kids to a Whitecaps game. It was very fun and we had great seats. Monday I'll take 2 kids to go see the Tigers. I can't wait. I haven't seen the Tiger's since I was a boy.

5. Erik. I think my friend Erik may come visit. He lives in Chicago. We will go fishing if he comes.

6. Working on the house. If Erik doesn't come, I'm going to get a lot done on my house. I don't get in these moods often, so I need to get a crap-load done. I'll keep you informed.

Blogging's for Losers

2007-07-24T02:58:00.000-07:00

Well, I officially have nothing to say but am going to blog anyways. Steve said I have to. Montana discovered the moon on the way to the U.P. We were in Houghton Lake and she wasn't sleeping though it was like 9:30 PM. She saw the moon and did her "Oh My God!" face. We couldn't figure it out at first, but then finally understood. So now she says "Moo" or sometimes "Moo--Nu". And since that time has often declared that she wants to see it at all times of the day. I tried to explain that the moon itself wasn't giving off the light but that it was instead reflected light from the sun. I think she got it but then asked me about the crescent. I told her I wasn't sure and she started to theorize that maybe it had to do with the triangulation of the moon and sun and Earth but then I stopped listening.

We went to Marquette to visit with friends and to go to the Hiawatha Music Festival. It was fun even though we didn't see much music. My favorite part was actually staying at my friend Luke's beach house. We swam and had a bonfire. It was very nice.

W's "Pro-life Policies

2007-06-26T02:15:00.000-07:00

This is an article by Obery Hendericks. He writes for Sojourners from time to time. I figure it's time to get back on the horse and start bashing Republicans and silly Christians again. Here is the article in it's entirety. http://blog.beliefnet.com/godspolitics/2007/06/obery-hendricks-the-height-of.html

Obery Hendricks: The Height of Hypocrisy
This week President George W. Bush ceremoniously vetoed a measure promoting embryonic stem cell research that could help to relieve the suffering of millions, declaring that the bill disregards the sanctity of human life. "I will not allow our nation to cross this moral line," Bush said.
It is hard to believe that this pronouncement could come from the mouth of a man who has shown a frightening disdain for the sanctity of human life for the entirety of his career in elective office. Here are a few of the examples of George W. Bush's lack of respect for human life that I document in my book, The Politics of Jesus.
While governor of Texas:
· Bush signed more death warrants than any governor in the history of this nation, at times mocking those he condemned to death, according to conservative commentator Tucker Carlson; at the same time, he was vetoing legislation that would have guaranteed effective counsel to those accused of capital crimes, even though the lawyers of the Texas Defender Service denounced the Texas courts as "a thoroughly flawed system."
· Bush actively fought against a program passed by the Texas legislature to provide medical coverage to the 500,000 poor children in the state who lacked it. After five years of his active opposition, Bush succeeded in reducing the number of children covered by the program by half, despite his certain knowledge that his actions would result in death and terrible suffering for an unknown number of innocents. All this while he fought for a $2 billion tax cut for Texas' richest families and a $45 million cut for the oil and gas industry, with this explanation: "These are tough times for the oil and gas industry."
As president:
· Moments before he was to appear on national television to announce his declaration of war on Iraq, Bush was caught on tape pumping his fist as at a sporting event, declaring, "Feels good," in what the journalist Paul Waldman called "a glimpse of the president's vulgar callousness."
· He not only sent thousands of Americans to their deaths based on lies and knowing deception, he was caught on tape laughing about it at the 2004 gala of the Radio and Television Correspondents' Association, in a skit in which he looked under furniture and behind curtains and joked, "Nope, no weapons [of mass destruction] over there… maybe under here?"
· On national television, in the hearing of children, he has openly and gratuitously vowed not to neutralize or capture individuals he calls by name, but to kill them.
· He publicly gloated over the killing of Saddam Hussein's sons and, in a particularly macabre moment, allowed their mutilated bodies to be put on public display.
There is little question that Bush has exhibited less respect for human life than any president in memory, including Richard Nixon. But what is more troubling, if that is possible, is Bush's apparent sense that he can deceive the American people with impunity, as if we will believe that he cares about human life simply because he says so, no matter that his every significant policy decision shows that to be a lie.
What is more troubling still, however, is that thus far he has been right—at least with regard to a sizable number of Americans. As long as Bush cries crocodile tears for the unborn—and now the unformed—too many Americans will fail to hold him responsible for his reprehensible disdain for the suffering of innocent children, women and men throughout the earth. And he will continue to make moral pronouncements to mask his immoral policies.
Obery Hendricks is past president of Payne Theological Seminary, an ordained elder in the African Methodist Episcopal Church, and the author of The Politics of Jesus: Rediscovering the True Revolutionary Nature of Jesus' Teachings and How They Have Been Corrupted.

I've recently (in the past 4 years) come to a different understanding of the term "pro-life". The word is so loaded anyways, but I find it strange the people who use it as their battle cry. These folks often have the "I support our troops" stickers or the "W" sticker. Or you hear them talking about justice for the murderer or sex offender. It's just so strange that these folks don't really value life like I do. They value life when it is convenient. When it suits their purposes and agendas.

I don't know much about stem cell research, but I know which side I'm "supposed" to be on as a Christian. I guess I that since I'm not really sure though, that I'll rebel and react to what the right is trying to persuade me to think. This is definitely a flaw of mine, but it has worked out pretty well.

Nick and Baby Smiles

2007-06-25T21:50:00.001-07:00

My friend nick got married this weekened. He is one of my bestest friends and I was happy to see him get to marry such a wonderful woman. Here are a few thoguhts about the event and the sub-events surrounding it.
1. His bachelore party was fun. We went camping. They had this game called "corn hole" or something though that may have been a made-up name to make me look stupid.
2. The rehearsal was fun. The wedding was at a church in Holland. This church was very beautiful. Sort of. It was also kind of repulsive. Very large and lots of grass and ponds and water fountains. I know you also have to sign a waiver stating you won't drink, or smoke, or swear, or vote democrat or stray from Jesus view of homosexuals. That's all true except for most of it.
3. The wedding was very nice. I did do something really stupid though. I always try to be a smart ass and try to make people laugh. During one of the photos we were not supposed to laugh. So I said, "just think about the war". That made everybody laugh... except the Vet fresh home from Iraq. He's a good guy and I wish I could have talked with him more though. Mayeb just to prove that I'm not a total a-hole. NIck wrote a speail song to his Katie. Nice weddings where you know people love each other make me think about Jodi and how much I love her. This was one of those weddings.
4. At the reception, Gretta smiled at me. It probably was because of my sharp and whitty sense of humor. Or.. because it felt good to poop. Who knows for sure?
5. My friend Erik is coming from Chicago this weekend. We are going salmon fishing. I'm stoked.
6. We have been getting peppers for a while now. I brought some over to the Somali family. They weren't very friendly. I also brought them eggs.

Camino de Santiago

2007-06-19T01:36:00.000-07:00

I am in the beginnning stages of planning a trip to Spain for the youth of my church. The trip will be a religious pilgramage that pilgims have been walking for over a thousand years. James, the son of Zebedee, apparently is buried in Santiago which is where the pilgrimage ends. It is also the Western "end of the world" for all during the middle ages. The plan would be to take about 6-8 youth to Spain to walk 100 km of the walk. The trail is actually much longer, but you need 100 km in order for it to officially be a pilgrimage. We'll also do some other sightseeing, butthe walk will take about 6 or 7 days. I'm enjoying the beginning stages of the plan.

Bored with Blogging

2007-06-15T21:34:00.000-07:00

Hey. I haven't blogged in a while. I think I'm tired of making controversial posts. But I can't think of anything else to write about that anybody would be interested in. Maybe I'll just say some things I'm thinking about.

1. Can Christianity exist without a group of us trying to change the minds of the world. Can it exist without using violence and intollerance? Can we live in peace with others who believe differently?

2. How serious am I about trying to live simply? How willa church respond to a youth director who calls for students to live simply?

3. Can I live without polarizing myself from other groups. Canb I live in peace with anybody? Am I a person who knows no other way than to thrive on conflict?

4. I watched "I Heart Huckabees" last night with Jodi. It is really really funny! It also asks some good questions. Are we all connected or are we all seperate entities? Mark Wahlberg is very funny in this movie.

5. Do I have what it takes to be an Episcopal priest?

I plan to figure out the answers to all of these questions this week. I'll let you all know next week what I have discovered.

Bawk! Bawk!

2007-06-02T21:30:00.000-07:00

We got chickens. Friday we bought 4 new pets. We will eat their eggs. I wish I had a digital camera so I could show you the work I put into prepping our yard. Mo loves them and liked chasing them when they got out. The cops told me to get rid of them when I was chasing them around the neighborhood. But I'm a rebel. I gave the cop the finger and told him to get rid of his own chickens.

We are hopefully going to have lots of eggs. So far we have collected 2 and they have laid at least 3. (They ate one I think ). Apparently chickens will eat anything. Some people say they are better than pigs for disposing of wasted food. We really like them.

Pearl in the Sea of Bitterness

2007-05-21T21:27:00.000-07:00

Jodi had my baby! This is a picture Father Mike blessing her the day we left the hospital. She is great. Both mama and Gretta are doing well. MOntana loves her little sister. She always says, "Ma Baby" (My Baby). The other pictures are Jodi and and Gretta, Me and JOdi and Gretta leaving the hospital, and then a proud papa with his girls.

Ka-Boom!!!

2007-05-08T12:00:00.000-07:00

Here is an interesting article that goes with my post on Soul Force. Apparently somebody really was upset about them coming to Ohio. I must say that they can't prove at this point that the bombs were made specially for Soul Force, but it's pretty suspicious. The group found out about it when they were in Grand Rapids. Thank God we were here for moral support.

"There is all the rest of Kent County to meet with these folks."

2007-04-24T21:59:00.000-07:00

Don't just pass by this hyperlink... Read this article.

So this group called Soulforce, comes and protests schools they believe to be hostile to homosexuals . They were on tour and planned on protesting at Cornerstone and Calvin (maybe Hope too, I can't remember). The group sends the school they are planning on visiting a letter to let them know their intentions. Cornerstone responded by saying that the group is not welcome and that they would be arrested if the came on school grounds.

So, the group showed up and two students came on the property and were arrested. But I got in to some discussions with some friends about the subject. Here are some of the questions asked by one another.

1. Isn't it Cornerstone's perogative to allow them on campus or not?

2. What would it hurt to let them on campus?

3. What is the "homosexual agenda"?

4. Is it "cool" to be gay?

5. How do we dialogue with people who disagree on the issue of sexuality (especially Christians)?

I'll try to give some of my opinions on these 5 questions.

1. Yes- But it makes them and Christians look stupid, arrogant and not willing to dialogue about issues that afeect our culture.

2. This was actually something I hadn't thought of but that I thought was a good point. My friend said that since they are not affiliated or supported by a denomination but instead by individual donors, that they had a lot to lose. Money. I can see how this would be a concern, but don't think it's a very noble or honorable one.

3. According to Wkipedia, Dr. Dobson has stated this "homosexual agenda" as: "Those goals include universal acceptance of the gay lifestyle, discrediting of scriptures that condemn homosexuality, muzzling of the clergy and Christian media, granting of special privileges and rights in the law, overturning laws prohibiting pedophilia, indoctrinating children and future generations through public education, and securing all the legal benefits of marriage for any two or more people who claim to have homosexual tendencies."

Any thoughts on this "agenda"?

4. I stated that in 10 years of youth minstry, I had only met 3 youth who thoguth it was "cool" to be gay and none of them were outside of Wedgwood.

5. I don't know how. I think it starts with discussing these tough issues with people that it affects most. I know very few LGBT people, and have little personal experience with this issue, but hope that I can continue to see things from somebody elses perspective. My problem has been discussing hot issues with other Christians that I disagree with.

Fundamentalism

2007-04-22T02:40:00.000-07:00

I am so under qualified to blog on this subject. But since I'm usually under qualified, I'll just do it anyways. If you have any info that would be good for all of my readers to know about, please include it.

I watched PBS tonight at work. It had some great programming on about Islam. The name of the program was America at a Crossroads. Check it out if you get a chance. One of the programs was specifically about Indonesia. Apparently it has more Muslims than any nation on the planet. Who would have thought? As I've said before, I don't have a ton of knowledge in the area of Islam, but I've always been alarmed when Christians talk about Muslims in a negative way. This must be the liberal media's influence on me making me tolerant of pagan religions and people. One time, I was on a men's retreat and a guy that was a little... I can't think of a label that isn't offensive, said that Muslims want to kill Christians. Quite a statement for somebody who didn't know any Muslims I thought. But I don't know any Muslims either... so I wondered secretly if maybe he was right.

But this program was good for me. Actually there was a program on before that by a "liberal" Muslim. It was uncanny how her language was so non-offensive to me but how many fundy Muslims felt threatened by her ideas and language. She has the audacity to say that maybe much of Islamic law wasn't really what God (Allah) wanted for His people. She specifically mentioned issues of gender and war.

Sounds familiar doesn't it? She was saying that the text itself wasn't flawed, but that how Muslims interpreted it was flawed and needed to change. She actually used the word blasphemy. A Muslim cleric (I don't really know what a cleric is, but the guy was an important Muslim figure in the U.S.-- maybe like a local pastor type) talked about how dangerous this type thinking was to Islam. She made a great case about the roots of Islam and how it was formed on education, reason, good dialogue, and religious tolerance. She said, that this is what allowed Islam to flourished before fundamentalism hi-jacked the faith.

She kept quoting the Quran and it didn't sound kooky or angry. It sounded friendly and loving. This really rankled some of the folks being interviewed. But it was good for me to watch. She kept making the statement that tolerance is different than oppression. Some Muslims were justifying horrific acts, like suicide bombings, because somebody had offended Islam or Muhammad. It was very complex and I am not doing it justice.

But I feel the same way about Christian fundamentalism. I feel like this movement worships the text rather than God and let's the sinful part of humanity get in the way of how we are to view God. For a long time, I felt like I needed to keep any views that were not the view of the masses under my hat because of how dangerous they could be for my soul or for young Christians. To be honest, as I started to explore some of these thoughts, it was a little dangerous. It has caused me to have some real doubts about my faith. But it has also brought me to a higher level of truth than I have previously known. I feel like I know God in a healthier way. I feel like I have a better grasp on what I doubt and am unsure on but this too seems healthy and truer than the faith I had even a few short years ago.

Has anybody else had this experience? What parts about Fundamentalism are healthy for Christianity?

A Happy/Non-Controversial Post

2007-04-10T00:36:00.000-07:00

Here is a link to my friend Jonathan. He is in Uganda doing important things while I'm here blogging about star bellied Sneetches. http://jryskamp.blogspot.com/

If you get a minute, check out his blog and throw one up for him and the work he's doing. Maybe even give him a little comment to let him know you are thankful for the way he is furthuring the kingdom of peace.

The "Fix-it-up-Chappie"

2007-04-08T20:55:00.000-07:00

I blogged last week about the guy who tattled on me. He was pretty clear in his last e-mail that I am not a Christian. This got me thinking about the Sneetches. I love Dr. Seuss. Well, I really like him. It brings me back to a convention I went to a couple years ago in San Diego. It was a convention put on by Jerry Falwell and Chick Tracts. As I was reading about the "Death Cookie", it made me think... Just kidding. It was an Emerging Church Conference.

A pastor and author named Doug Padgitt did a session on rethinking theology or something like that. I'll try to be honest about how I felt during the session.

1. I felt naughty. Seriously. Most of what I had been taught about Christianity this man was saying wasn't important. That's not totally true. My judgment is that he was saying, there are NO BOUNDS to the faith.

2. It was kind of an awkward time as well. I remember during the Q+A time feeling very awkward. Some people were pretty hot and I remember feeling sorry for Mr. Padgitt and wanting to make peace and smooth things over. But this got me thinking about what I DO believe are bounds for the faith. I have totally figured it out now and want to tell you exactly what God wants you to think on this issue.... heehee. Just kidding.

3. For some reason, when I think about the picture in my head about this topic, I think of railroad ties. I think of this inanimate object called "The Christian Faith" that is in a box with Railroad ties for its boarders. Isn't that weird? I have railroad ties in my backyard and i think about Doug Padgitt when I'm gardening or picking up trash. Or watching my daughter play in her new sandbox.

4. This did get me to read some other books that have been good (I think) for my spiritual formation. One was called "If Grace is true, why God will Save Every Person". Sounds scary doesn't it? It isn't. Though I am not a Universalist, I hope that God will indeed save every person. Even by this statement, I kind of mislead about my thoughts on salvation in general. Sozo (Thanks Rob Wondergem) -- or salvation-- comes in many different forms. This is where redemptive theology comes in. We can offer salvation to those around us as Son's of God. Yes? Not the kind of salvation that most think of when they hear the word, but a salvation from many things, mostly ourselves. Or from loneliness. Or from self-destructive behaviors. or from consumerism. Or anything else that opposes the true kingdom.

So to try somehow to connect the EC and Sylvester McMonkey McBean and Chick Tracts, and Sozo: So, in the parable of the Star Bellied Sneetches, Who is who? (Should that read who is whom? or whom is who?). Who is the exclusive group and who is trying to fit in? I guess it doesn't really matter because both groups are victims to their own desires. And victims to an outside force who has come to exploit. Nobody would really believe that McBean is a literal figure, but instead an evil force. (just kidding. That was for Oscar). The point is, McBean came to kill and destroy. And the sneetches fell for it... but in the end, they were all still redeemed and relationship was restored.

The Sneetches

2007-04-08T20:51:00.000-07:00

THE SNEETCHES by Dr. Suess
Now the Star-bellied Sneetches had bellies with stars. The Plain-bellied Sneetches had none upon thars. The stars weren't so big; they were really quite small. You would think such a thing wouldn't matter at all. But because they had stars, all the Star-bellied Sneetches would brag, "We're the best kind of Sneetch on the beaches."
With their snoots in the air, they would sniff and they'd snort, " We'll have nothing to do with the plain-bellied sort." And whenever they met some, when they were out walking, they'd hike right on past them without even talking.
When the Star-bellied children went out to play ball, could the Plain-bellies join in their game? Not at all! You could only play ball if your bellies had stars, and the Plain-bellied children had none upon thars.
When the Star-bellied Sneetches had frankfurter roasts, or picnics or parties or marshmallow toasts, they never invited the Plain-bellied Sneetches. Left them out cold in the dark of the beaches. Kept them away; never let them come near, and that's how they treated them year after year.
Then one day, it seems, while the Plain-bellied Sneetches were moping, just moping alone on the beaches, sitting there, wishing their bellies had stars, up zipped a stranger in the strangest of cars.
"My friends, " he announced in a voice clear and keen, "My name is Sylvester McMonkey McBean. I've heard of your troubles; I've heard you're unhappy. But I can fix that; I'm the fix-it-up chappie. I've come here to help you; I have what you need. My prices are low, and I work with great speed, and my work is one hundred per cent guaranteed."
Then quickly, Sylvester McMonkey McBean put together a very peculiar machine. Then he said, "You want stars like a Star-bellied Sneetch? My friends, you can have them . . . . for three dollars each. Just hand me your money and climb on aboard."
They clambered inside and the big machine roared. It bonked. It clonked. It jerked. It berked. It bopped them around, but the thing really worked. When the Plain-bellied Sneetches popped out, they had stars! They actually did, they had stars upon thars!
Then they yelled at the ones who had stars from the start, "We're exactly like you; you can't tell us apart. We're all just the same now, you snooty old smarties. Now we can come to your frankfurter parties!"
"Good grief!" groaned the one who had stars from the first. "We're still the best Sneetches, and they are the worst. But how in the world will we know," they all frowned, "if which kind is what or the other way 'round?"
Then up stepped McBean with a very sly wink, and he said, "Things are not quite as bad as you think. You don't know who's who, that is perfectly true. But come with me, friends, do you know what I'll do? I'll make you again the best Sneetches on beaches, and all it will cost you is ten dollars eaches.
Belly stars are no longer in style, " said McBean. "What you need is a trip through my stars-off machine. This wondrous contraption will take off your stars, so you won't look like Sneetches who have them on thars."
That handy machine, working very precisely, removed all the stars from their bellies quite nicely. Then, with snoots in the air, they paraded about. They opened their beaks and proceeded to shout, "We now know who's who, and there isn't a doubt, the best kind of Sneetches are Sneetches without."
Then, of course those with stars all got frightfully mad. To be wearing a star now was frightfully bad. Then, of course old Sylvester McMonkey McBean invited them into his stars-off machine. Then, of course from then on, you can probably guess, things really got into a horrible mess.
All the rest of the day on those wild screaming beaches, the Fix-it-up-Chappie was fixing up Sneetches. Off again, on again, in again, out again, through the machine and back round about again, still paying money, still running through, changing their stars every minute or two, until neither the Plain- nor the Star-bellies knew whether this one was that one or that one was this one or which one was what one or what one was who!
Then, when every last cent of their money was spent, the Fix-It-Up-Chappie packed up and he went. And he laughed as he drove in his car up the beach, "They never will learn; no, you can't teach a Sneetch!"
But McBean was quite wrong, I'm quite happy to say, the Sneetches got quite a bit smarter that day. That day, they decided that Sneetches are Sneetches, and no kind of Sneetch is the BEST on the beaches. That day, all the Sneetches forgot about stars, and whether they had one or not upon thars.

I Love to Play Basketball

2007-04-06T03:00:00.000-07:00

I played basketball on Wednesday and then again Thursday night. Here are the details:

On Wed. I played with guys from work. I didn't move very fast and I didn't play very good defense. But I think that is what basketball looks like after 30. I did however make about 7 three pointers. Seriously. And I maybe missed 3-4. That's a better percentage than any NBA player in the league. I wonder if I could play in the NBA? I am going to go to the Pistons website and see when they have open tryouts.

This morning (Thursday) I played with kids from work at a lock-in. The rim was lowered to maybe 9 foot. It was great to be able to dunk again. I noticed with the extra 100 pounds, I shook the rim more. The kids couldn't believe I could dunk like that. I was just like Darryl Dawkins or Shaq. Seriously, just like them. My back hurts now though.

Bet you thought I wasn't going to say anything about hell didn't you? Well, Hell might be figurative. Anybody want to debate it with me for a change? Larry is such a stud!

A Busy Weekend

2007-04-04T23:51:00.000-07:00

1. I built a sandbox. If you have never built a sandbox, you need to do it. It's pretty complexed. I bought some wood and nailed it together in the shape of a square. Then I put sand in it. Now Mo can play in it. She dropped her apple in it a few times. Mom showed her how to brush the sand off. When she did it again, she tried to brush it off herself and wasn't very effective and ended up eating sand. Yuck.

2. I built a garden box. This was even more difficult than the sandbox. It was a rectangle shaped box. The hard part came when I needed to load cow-poop into my van and then put it in the box. Yucky. Mo-mo liked the texture but not the flavor. Hopefully this will get us back on the path to become more involved in our neighborhood. We are hoping to share our vegetables with the neighbors. Being outside all weekend allowed us to re-connect with some of the neighbors and meet others.

3. Privacy Fence. Not sure how to feel about this still. I want to not keep people out of my space, but it seems necessary in our hood. Hopefully our space will be more welcoming to our neighbors in terms of hosting a barbecue. We'd like to host a pig-roast this summer. We'll see.

4. I met with a bunch of kids from church for lunches and breakfasts and what-not. I got wings, a burger, a chimichanga and some mex-brex at my meetings. They were all delicious except the chimi. Kind of underwhelming. I was surprised at the different levels of trust allready being formed and not formed. I still find it a challenge to interact with highschool girls. I need a good volunteer.

5. I also spent an hour or so writing e-mails to somebody who has been peeking in on my blog. This person e-mailed the priest at our church to let them know my views on hell. I guess I'm not really surprised, (other than I'm not sure about my view on hell). It seemed though that this person seemed only interested in getting me in trouble. Hopefully I won't. I honestly can't think of a situation where I would track down a person's boss to try to get them in trouble. Well, if there was somebody being harmed I suppose I would. I'm sure he fealt that my words were harmful and I guess justified his actions that way. Different paradigms I suppose.

It was interesting to dialogue about different styles of confrontation. I actually take what I would consider a "biblical" approach to the matter. Mathew 18 seems pretty clear on how Christians are to handle conflict between believers. Maybe he doesn't think I'm a believer though.

It was amusing to see a biblical literalist wiggle and weasle his way out of following Jesus' wishes on how the Church is to handle these kinds of situations. He knew I wouldn't fall for "The Devil made me do it" but instead tried to convince me that since the military handles things this way that it would be OK for him to. It's hard to argue with that. Since we are in the Lord's Army. Amen!

But, since I am adamant on the Mathew 18 principle, I have confronted him in private, and am now looking for a brother (sorry ladies) in Christ to help me confront him. The next step is the elders and then after that I shall treat him like the pagans and tax collectors. I think that means I have to buy him a beer and thank him for holding my money before I spend it on stupid things.

Summer is Officially Here!

2007-03-28T21:24:00.000-07:00

Well... I bought my first Oberon today. I haven't partaken yet, but will tomorrow. My friend Jay the hippie says that he doesn't like wheat beers. I don't really either, but I really like Oberon. Apparently Oberon is one of the moons around Uranus. Ummm.... Before it was a moon, it was the name of the king of the fairies.

I can't wait to be on a picnic this summer and to cozy up with the fam and enjoy a few brews while I watch the kids play. Well, Justice won't be doing much. Enjoy the summer and I hope we can sit down soon and enjoy one together.

Total Depravity?

2007-03-27T01:41:00.000-07:00

So there I was... minding my own business and trying to get some winks before work when all of the sudden...

There was intense screaming in the street. This happens fairly often in my neighborhood. Sometimes there is a shooting or a drug bust or domestic violence. But tonight I wasn't sure what was going on. I threw my pants on and ran downstairs. Jodi called the police. As I walked out the door there was a man in the fetal position by our car. Another man was kicking him in the face. Not like a "get off my side of the couch, I'm trying to watch the A-Team" kind of kick, but a running head start and then kick you in the face kind of kick. Then the kicker took a few steps back and ran and kicked the kick-ee in the face again.

What to do in this kind of scenario? So I yelled, "Hey". That didn't really do anything. I actually contemplated a few things: 1) get personally and physically involved. 2) get my gun and become personally involved 3) wait for the police. Right or wrong, I waited for the police. When the cops got there, it was kind of like on cops only the cops were less nice. By this time the men were rolling around in the street. Really. They were laying in the street. So the cop throws one guy off another. and then there are like 5 cop cars there. It was pretty bizarre.

But these kind of things get more and more common because we are near the end times. What's really disturbing is that we are becoming used to them. I don't like to see people kicked in the face. I don't like violence at all really.

Good Friends

2007-03-25T22:05:00.000-07:00

This weekend we got to see some of our good friends. It's always nice when you get to hang out with good people and enjoy good conversation.

Wayne and Erin came over on Friday and we had Pad Thai. It was delicious. Jodi really made spectacular batch. Then we sat back and talked quite a bit about theology. Wayne is one of my favorites to talk about these issues with because he's not afraid to tell me when I'm full of crap or just plain wrong. We also talked about taking a class at Western Theological together this fall. That would be good so I could copy his notes when I skip class. It was also nice to see Erin. i don't think I have any readers who this would spoil their news so I'll say that Erin has a womb dweller living inside her. I almost started crying when they told me and I don't know why. Driscol would have a hay-day with how feminine I am.
Then we saw our friend Chad and Jodi. They were in the hospital because Jodi had twins Saturday. We didn't see the young ones yet, but I'm excited to get a glimpse. Jodi is such a stud. She was walking around and you couldn't even tell she had babies taken from her body a day before. She even had a C-section. Yucky. Nice work Chad and Jodi.

Then we went for dinner with Jay and Amy. They are our hippie friends. We went out for Indian food. They offer a buy one get one free beer on Saturdays. Can you believe it? We also had good conversation. It's always fun to make camping plans and beer making plans with these kind folks. We really enjoy their company.

Sucked back into Negativity and Darkness

2007-03-22T02:10:00.000-07:00

Not really. But I watched this movie tonight and it was really depressing. If you get a chance to watch it, take the time to do it. It was alarming. I was really concerned about the info on "BGH" (I think that is the acronym for Bovine Growth Hormone). Turns out every time I give Mo a little glass of milk it is really bad for her. But can I afford to pay $6 a gallon for organic? Do I have a choice?

I didn't understand all of the info about owning every aspect of the earth. They talked about owning water and the rights to water and owning air. I wonder if this is how Native Americans felt when we came and started possessing land. (I hope that wasn't insensitive to anybody. If it was, it was not on purpose). If you have seen it, do you think this is something high school aged kids could handle. Social Justice issues are spread throughout the film. Lemme know what you think.

Devil Inside?

2007-03-20T22:17:00.000-07:00

At the risk of stopping conversation from my last post, I 'd like to post about a conversation today. I called my friend Jay today and his son Roland answered. Roland says, "My mom says I should ask you about the devil". This is quite odd for a few reasons. Roland and I have not talked much before let alone about such important matters as the devil. But he wanted to know about the origin of the devil and about where he gets his power and those such things.

These questions make me nervous. I have talked a lot with Keith about my views on Satan and on spiritual warfare and on demons and evil and the like. But I wasn't prepared to tell a child about them. I gave him the traditional answer about Lucifer being thrown from heaven because of his greed and because he was power hungry. But then I kind of went into the battle between the kingdoms.

My point in this blog is to get some dialogue drummed up about the reality of Satan and spiritual warfare. I used to use spiritual warfare language to get what I wanted as a YFC missionary. If people think you are "being attacked", they respond with prayer and money. Sorry... it's the truth. But isn't a better description of evil and what cause us to do evil really the depravity of man? Do I sound like a Calvinist? Maybe. But each time I blame Satan for what is going on in this world, I take away the responsibility of evil men. Evil men like myself. When I do something that hurts my wife, it would be easy to say, "The devil made me do it". I guess it's really true too except "the devil" isn't an a literal being. He is "me" when I want to do as I please. he is the concept of evil. He is the force that opposes the coming kingdom.

Can somebody who is smart please clear this all up for us. (This is where I make you all think you're smart just so you'll comment).

New Element to my Blog

2007-03-10T03:03:00.000-08:00

Thoughts on my new ticker?

Turn or Burn!!!

2007-03-05T21:49:00.000-08:00

Recently, Oscar, commented on my post about apologetics. Here

He posted several of his "witnessing tools" about an evangelist named Ray Comfort. I found an article on Ray and thoguht I'd post it to drum up some discussion. "Here is a review by Youth Worker Journal.

"Our review of “The Way of the Master” published in our July/August issueThe Way of the MasterBasic Training CourseKirk Cameron and Ray ComfortGenesis Publishing GroupRay Comfort means well, and he’s legitimately frustrated by the idea that only an estimated 2 percent of Christians regularly share their faith with nonbelievers. But his frustration has reached the boiling point, so he repeatedly hammers viewers over the head with images of people burning in hell to goose us into becoming evangelistic storm troopers who can build friendships with strangers and deliver the gospel message “in minutes.”Even with the assistance of youthful-looking Kirk Cameron (from the Left Behind movies) and decent production values (the TV show the DVD series is based on won an award from National Religious Broadcasters), Comfort takes an old-school, “turn-or-burn” approach that relies on guilt and shame. He even warns that those of us who don’t evangelize his way may spend eternity in hell ourselves!Sure, evangelism is important. And for most of us it is sorely neglected. But can somebody out there douse Comfort with a fire extinguisher and give us a more redemptive way to share our faith? —PA

Here's the link.

Still Got It.

2007-02-25T21:28:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted in a couple days. I've been responding to all the comments on my latest controversial blog post.

Tonight I went to youth group at the Episcopal Church I got hired at. I was wondering beforehand about whether or not I'd be able to relate to "normal" kids after working for three years with boys who are in residential treatment. But I can!!! I had a good time. In fact, Wedgwood has helped me I think. I think it helps me look at "normal" kids in a different way. To understand them and their behaviors a little bit more. I am reall a sociologist. I enjoyed watching dynamics in the group and trying to guess what their parents did for a living or how many siblings each youth has. I also enjoyed observing some of the young men and their insecurities and how they tried to cover them up. We had about twelve kids and the only ones who went to the same school were a brother and sister. Very starnge dynamic.

2007-02-23T01:50:00.000-08:00

Well. Good News. I was offered a job tonight. The Episcopal job that I had applied for a few months ago opened up this week becuase the candidate they hired over me is moving out of the state. Pretty odd turn of events. I think it will be good for me. It will be part time for now so I'll continue to work at Wedgwood. Maybe someday it will become full time. Maybe not.

I have been wanting and planning on seminary either this fall or next, so this job should still allow that to happen. I'm pretty excited and will probably tell you about it twice unless you stop me. I'm going to find out a lot more about the Episcopal church in the next few months.

Strenght and Weekness of the Gospel Message

2007-02-19T23:15:00.000-08:00

A smart man once said,

"This understanding of the secret message of Jesus makes sense of a number of odd details of the gospel story, such as why the resurrection of Jesus wouldn't be miraculously broadcasted to millions as irrefutable evidence of Jesus' legitimacy. Can you see it? As soon as the evidence becomes irrefutible, it takes on a kind of domineering power-- the kind of force so effectively yielded by principalities and powers. INstead, in keeping with the kingdom of God's secret, paradoxical, and apparently weak power, the first in on the secret are a few women-- unacceptable in their day as legitimate witnesses in court-- vulnerable people who can easily be ignored and dismissed by those who prefer the status quo, the powers that be, the systems and regimes that function as "kingdoms of this world." These humble women will be believed only by those who want to believe, those who freely choose to believe".
--Brian McLaren "The Secret Message of Jesus"

I am not saying that apologetics are not necessary, but I agree with my friend Wayne who explained that his apologetic for the resrrection was to strengthen the faith of believers rather than to convert those who haven't been enlightnened. I often hear people (even friends I respect) suggest that books like "A Case for Christ" or any of the 100 strands of this series are a good place for "un-believers" to start to explore Christianity. I'll bet that it has been good for some, but just find that as we move away from a cerebral gospel (modernism) and into an experiential gospel (post-modernism) these type books will become less and less important.

What say you? Any D. James Kennedy fans? Josh MacDowell? Lee Stroebel? What are your impressions of this topic?

Lent

2007-02-15T23:04:00.000-08:00

I've been learning more about lent this year. I'm sure I'll learn even more since we are a part of an Episcopal church and since w e plan to attend much of the lenton "to-do" that will go on at St. Andrew.

The past few Lenton seasons I have focused on fasting (actually that's all I really knew that you were "supposed to do"). But I've given up alcohol before and meat and maybe even pop one time. Those things have been good I think. But I've struggled this year to figure out what to fast from. I wonder if I'll get some guidance this week at church or on MOnday at our pot-luck (It's a kick-off to Mrdis Gras I think).

But what am I going to do about charity and prayer?

Charity. Here's kind of a weird stroy/situation that has happened at our house in the past couple days. Our roommate Hilary asnwered the door (because Jodi and I were still sick). A man wanted to know if he could shovel the sidewalk and parking space for money. Hilary came upstairs and asked if I had any money. I told her that I didn't want to pay somebody for work I could do myself. (I also am always skeptical of door-knockers in my neighborhood because I never know what their motives are). So Hilary told the guy she didn't have any money. he said he was going to shovel anyways. After he was done he came to the door and asked for payment. (This is why I'm skeptical). Hilary is wonderful, but I think sometimes not very assertive and I think she was kind of taken advantage of, but that's beside the point. She asked me if it would be safe to write the man a check. I said, "No". But she did and the man went away happy.

The next day he returned (at 10:30 pm) and said he couldn't cash it because of banking problems and wanted cash. My friend Keith pointed out what kind of person goes back to a house of a sidewalk he shoveled at 10:30 pm for $5. In my neighborhood, you can bet it came in the form of crystalized cocaine. But, she wasn't home so I told him he would need to come back later. He came back the next morning and Jodi answered the door and told him he would need to come back later. he came back the next day when I got home from work and wanted the $5. I want to be charitable, but this is rediculous. It really bugs me. i guess it's good lent hasn't started yet.

Prayer. I have never been a guy who prays in a conventional manner. I think about the Kingdom often throughout my day and ussually read something or write something (which I consider prayer) but don't sit down with my "Keys for Kids" or "Our Daily Bread". I just don't work that way. But I need to try to figure soemthing out here for lent to try and make the time special somehow. I'll keep you informed.

By the way. I talked with the priest at our church today to find out about seminary for this fall. He's going to look into it for me which is great. I'd be so stoked if it worked out to go to New York or Chicago. JOnathan if you're reading this, that would be cool if we were both in Chi-town.

My Wife Loves it When I'm Stinky

2007-02-08T20:51:00.000-08:00

Here is an article I read on CNN. http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/02/08/men.sweat.reut/index.html

Are you kidding me? Jodi, let's join the Y. Can anybody substantiate this claim? We want details.

Best Show Ever!!!

2007-02-02T01:51:00.000-08:00

Have you seen Arrested Development? It is seriously the funniest show of all time. It's funnier than Seinfeld, Cheers, Family Guy, the Simpsons, Small Wonder, and even ALF. I'm not going to post a lot on this, but if you ahven't sat down and watched the whole first season, then you need to. I can think of no better way to spend your weekend than by renting Season one discs 1 and 2. You MUST watch them in order so go to blockbuster or put them on your netflix. By the way. This picture is Tobias and he is a "never-nude"-- he can never be nude. he wears those daisy dukes all the time even in the shower. Any fans who have a favorite episode or charachter are encouraged to comment.

The Substitutionary Atonement

2007-01-23T01:27:00.000-08:00

Wikepedia puts it like this- "Substitutionary atonement is a doctrine in Christian theology which states that Jesus Christ died on the Cross as a propitiatory substitute provided by God for sinners. Hence, according to this doctrine, he dealt with the punishment that all sinners deserve, enabling them to have their sins forgiven by God.
Among those who pioneered the notion of substitutionary atonement in its fullest form are Anselm of Canterbury, Thomas Aquinas, Hugo Grotius, and John Calvin. Most contemporary Christian evangelicals adhere to some variation of substitutionary atonement theory. The least amount of support for this doctrine is found in the various Eastern Churches".

I have been dealing with this issue for quite a while now (like a year) and still haven't done what I said I was going to do: read a book on it. My friend Keith has said that he has a book that discusses some different views. I can't wait to borrow it and postpone reading any other books that I'm reading.

The reason I am suddenly interested again is because there has been some discussion on the Hippie Christian BB that I am a part of about the simplicity of the gospel. I think I did a good job of politely disagreeing with some comments about how easy it is to explain the gospel. "Either you believe that Jesus died for your sins or you don't. Either you go to heaven or you go to hell".

It was interesting to read the scriptures concerning this and to look them up and see what was being said. I am not convinced that I did a very good job of using scripture to explain my point, but I do believe in a redemptive theology that goes deeper than a mystical transaction to remove sin and make us blameless. I wish somebody smart would comment on this so they can support my view.

Oh, I'm thinking about going to seminary. I'd like to move to So Cal and go to Fuller. It could be a really good opportunity to get soem more education so I can get a job. The problem is that maybe some people would listen to my rants just because I have a degree from a seminary. Hopefully my rants will become sweeter smelling though and maybe more thought out. It would probably just be better for everybody all around.

Let me know what you think about the atonement.

What a Downer!

2007-01-13T23:52:00.000-08:00

I got contacted today by the Episcopal churches. They are offering the position to the other applicant. I'm starting to run out of options and getting pretty discouraged. I am going to apply for a job at Church of the Servant which I hope will go well. If that doesn't work, I am thinking about going to seminary in California. I'll write more later.

More Troops

2007-01-10T00:00:00.000-08:00

http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/01/09/iraq.bush/index.html

Here's an article that is important. It's the W's plan for adding 20,000 more troops to Iraq. I won't comment on my thoughts about the proposal because I am trying to be posititve. I'd appreciate some comments and am still looking for the list of "good things the administration has done". PLease, Please, Please add to it before Ii drown in my cynicism.

On another note, I had a good talk with my friend Keith tonight (I ussually do). He's helping me get prepped for my interview on Friday. We also have been talking about a wide array of topics including, porn, Universalism, Greek philosophy, spiritual warfare, ecclesiology, and hemroids. (Thanks for the cream Keith).

2007-01-09T00:19:00.000-08:00

I was researching some things about the anglican church. I have an interview on Friday for a position with two episcopal churches in Grand Rapids. I found this article and thought it was good. What say you?

"The Search for Spiritual Meaning
All humans have three things in common: We’re born, we live, and we die. For such simple facts, these truths raise profound questions for us.
We know about our bodies: we eat, sleep, work, and have children, for instance. We know about our feelings, about love, sorrow, joy, anger, or boredom. We form relationships with other people, we dream, we plan, we play, we get hurt, and most of the time, we take these events for granted and do what we need to do for another day.
But then sometimes something profound or miraculous or disastrous happens—like holding a baby, or falling in love, or being with someone who is dying—or some catastrophe strikes. At that moment we become aware of just how big the world is and how small we are in relation to it, and then we ask, “Why…?”
“Spirituality” describes, at least in part, that search for meaning and answers to our questions about life and death. We cannot answer them on our own, so we turn to others for help, like our friends, parents, religious leaders, or sometimes even strangers, just someone who can help make sense of life.
“Religion” is what we call the various ways in which different groups of people have found to answer these questions. The more people who have found a religion helpful and the longer they have practiced it together, the better they have organized it so that they could pass it on to others. Over time, the communities develop language, rites and ceremonies, and objects, all to express the profound experiences they have had and the truth they have found through them. The language and rites can be beautiful or frightening or confusing, yet at their core, they are still about those three simple facts: We’re born, we live, and we die—Why? What difference do we make?"

I think this is a pretty good description of religion and mankind's search for truth. I feel that Christianity is the best way to understand these questions and that Jesus Christ gives meaning and purpose (Rick Warren didn't make up the word you know) to life in general. I wonder why we can't get this message out to more people or why they more people dn't buy into it. I would propose that the reason is not because of the message, but because of the messanger. How can we get away from the reputation that we have given ourselves? Must we abandon the name of Christ to get away from the reputation? Must we start a New Church? Can the body of Christ which has "whored" itself out be redeemed as Gomer was? I must believe this is so. But where to start? I hope that working with youth again in a church is a good place to start. I've been through a kind of cloudy depression as far as spirituality goes. I have been a cynic when it comes to Christs' Body and continue to heal from the churches wounds as well as self destruction on my part. I have hope for His bride and for humanity and that for generations to come, we will help others to answer the "meaning of life" and to navigate through a world filled with injustice.

A little help from my Friends

2007-01-04T00:13:00.000-08:00

On my hippie Christian Website that I've been spending so much time on, I was challenged to see the positives in what the administration has done in the last 6 years. Is the reason I can't come up with anything because I want to be negative? Maybe. Help me out. Give me a big list of positive things that W and co. has done. I'll start.
1. Admitted to gloabl warming and to do something to save the polar bear habitat.

Mo

2006-12-30T02:05:00.000-08:00

I've really been enjoying Mo lately. Yesterday I watched her and a friend play in their little fort under the counter. They pulled all the tupperware out and then crawlled in and out. They would close the doors and then pop out to say "peek-a-boo" in a non-verbal sort of way. It was very fun to watch.

Friday Jo and Mo and me went to the zoo. !I thought it cost money but snuck in and then Jodi told me what a idiot I was for trying to sneak in when it was free). It was a bit of a let-down because I wanted Mo to be totally into it. While she got pretty excited a few times, she got really excited about the bright yellow M+M machine.

Since we are gone a lot, Mo sleeps in a pack-and-play about 4 nights a week. I love to get her up to bring her home because she falls right back to sleep on my shoulder. It's great and I don't want the music to ever stop. She also does it after naps except she is ussually crying and then you get in there and she frantically gets her Naa-Naa so that the parental unit doesn't leave it behind. Then she puts her ehad on your shoulder and pats your back. I don't knwo why she does that, but it is absolutely wonderful.

Come over sometime and I'll show you hours of child-footage and slide-shows. I'm such a dork.

Brian McLaren is helpful

2006-12-30T01:22:00.000-08:00

http://www.beliefnet.com/blogs/godspolitics/2006/12/brian-mclaren-politics-of-joy.html

Take 5 minutes and read this. It's by a smart man who has always taken care to deliver a prophetic message in a humble and gentle way.

"I know this is a "God's Politics" blog, and I know that this won't sound very political, but in the end, it sort of is, especially ten days before Christmas.Earlier this week, I was speaking to a group of Methodist ministers and we sang the Christmas carol "Joy to the World." Two moments in the song took my breath away.The first came when I sang "let every heart prepare him room." If the carol is right, the way earth receives God's "prince of peace" is through individual hearts like ours. By making space, by opening our hearts to Christ, by letting our lives be the stable and manger into which good news quietly comes, by rendering the vacuum and vacancy within us vulnerable to the incoming of the Spirit ... we become, like Mary, "theotokos" - God-bearers.That might sound kind of mystical, not political, and I guess it is. It is something that I believe we all can actually experience: the possibility of preparing room in our hearts so that Christ truly comes.That brings me to the second transcendent moment in the carol for me this week: "No more let sin and sorrows grow, nor thorns infest the ground. He comes to make his blessings flow far as the curse is found."The coming of a good king in the ancient world meant a lot, and although kingly language may sound archaic today, I think we can recapture its meaning when we think of a thorny land, polluted by sin and cursed by sorrow, becoming verdant and fertile and healthy again - blessedness flowing over the land like a warm breeze.And of course, this is where the personal and political meet. Thinking about justice, talking about peace, debating public policy, and working for social change are important ... but not as a substitute for the very personal choice to "prepare him room" in our hearts, so that (as the saying goes) we can be the change we want to see in the world.The way "earth receives her king" (and the blessings he brings) is not by bombs and guns and wiretaps and coups; not by aggressive blog postings or passionate media pronouncements by pundits. Rather, the king (and the kingdom) come first to the quiet hearts of humble people who "prepare him room," and the joy flows to the world through them.That's the language of spiritual formation, no doubt. But how can there be political transformation in the external world of thorns, sins, and sorrow if our inner lives don't become the manger into which hope, healing, empowerment, love, and joy are born?What happens in the political realm - in the public world where people treat one another justly or unjustly, peacefully or violently, as neighbors or as enemies - can never be separated from what happens in the personal realm. And the reverse is true, too.That's the source of the politics of joy.Brian McLaren is chair of the board of Sojourners/Call to Renewal. A former pastor, he is now an author and speaker. Rumor has it that his latest book, The Secret Message of Jesus, would make a great Christmas gift".

Merry X-mas

2006-12-28T02:46:00.000-08:00

What did you get for Christmas? I got a bad attitude. In fact, from now on, I want to be called B.A. Baron. I'm going to paint my VW black with a red stripe and I refuse to fly. I don't really have a bad attitude, but Jodi and I are trying to figure out the whole Christmas thing. Luckilly, Mo is young enough that we didn't have to have everything worked out yet. By next year though, we will have to have a plan and carry it out maticulously. It's obvious to me that we are going to screw her up. She's either going to grow up a socialist, or rebel and become a republican.

I do think that how we handle X-mas is going to have a great impact on how our kids see the world around them. I pray that we do what is right and not just react to problems we see. Any theories out there on how to handle Christmas? I've heard a bunch, but I'm still looking for a good one. Even my idea of gathering up presents and burning them in the front yard lacks the full life-lesson and teachable moment I'm looking for.

By the way, I have the same problem with birthdays. In many other cultures, the birthday boy/girl gives presents rather than receives them. I just can't shake the negative feelings. Think: Healthy balance of tradition with prophetic voice.

Some New Music in 2006

2006-12-27T22:03:00.000-08:00

I have found out about soem cool bands this year and wanted to pay homage to the bands and to those who turned me on.

Mark Kozelek/ Sun Kil Moon/Red House Painters -- Jonanthan turned me on to this band and later I saw him in Ann Arbor. He was great, but he yelled at a guy for talking during the concert. It was odd. Very quiet. My friend Sid got turned on too and we went to the show together. The first time I heard them on CD, we went to Jonathans' girlfriend at the time, Justine's Cottage. Jonathan and luke and i played beer-pong late into the night. Thanks for the referal.

Iron and Wine- I think I heard I+W before, but maybe not. Again Jonathan turned me on. My friend Sid is also a big fan and we have swapped CD's before. I think Wayne is a big fan too but we have never listened or discussed together.

Wilco- Donald Miller mentioned them in one of his books, but then I saw them at Farm Aid a couple summers ago. But then Jonathan gave me a couple CD's and I really got excited.

Grateful Dead- I had never heard of this band before this year, but heard them on the radio. They seem really interesting and I think I'd like to go see them. I hope they are touring this summer and I think I'll drive and go see them. I heard the lead singer only has 4 fingers on one of his hands and that there is some ice-cream named after him. They sound like a heavy metal band, but they aren't.

Sandi Patty- This music blew me away. She is really talented and uses the gift that the Lord gave her to praise His name. I love to sit in my apartment and crank her up to "11" and lay face down on the ground and cry and laugh and sing. If I ever get to see her live, I'll pay whatever it costs. I wonder if she tours with the Grateful Dead?

The Prarie Home Companion

2006-12-21T00:53:00.000-08:00

Did you know that I really like Garrison Keiller? It's true. I am watching the movie right now and it's kind of a let down so far. When I used to work contact shifts with the kids a work, I used to think it would be cool to have the kids listen to the weekly program. I don't have much else to say on this post except that I love the music and I like to hear the stories about Lake Wobegone. Here's a sidenote about Woody Harrelson: His dad is serving life for murder.

Another interesting thing about an actress in the movie: Meryl Streep. Jodi told me last week that MS has anal cancer. I didn't even know you could get "anal cancer". That's not a cancer joke, but it is odd. I have been watching the movie for about 45 minutes now and can't figure out what the movie is about. Wasn't that a happy and positive post? I love being alive.

Here's the picture again.

2006-12-16T23:14:00.000-08:00

What Calvin has to say about Emergent

2006-12-16T22:57:00.000-08:00

Not John Calvin knuckle head. I found this at a guys blog I check regularly. You can find him at

bobhyatt.typepad.com/boblog/ . I think it also speaks about my condition. Wayne very kindly pointed out my ironic post last time and how even though I was posting about being positive, that I had to poke some fun. while I don't want to totally give up on sarcasm and cynicism, I do want to limit myself. (I'm the same way with meth. Only on weekends and holidays). Maybe I should stay out of the debat sphere alltogether. I've got this prophet-complex thoguh and want to always think that what I have to say is so revolutionary and important. Maybe I should just shut up and and start doing something about what I think.

On another note, I'm hoping to get this job with this church in my area and will probably be doing some more interviewing with them in the next couple weeks. They want to have somebody in place by mid January which would be great for me. I would love to start working with "normal"kids again and think it would help me in this struggle with being positive. I do wonder if my mental instability will limit how I can interact with them though.

Missed my Connection

2006-12-16T02:51:00.000-08:00

So I have been on that Hippie Christian Web-site that I posted on last. It has calmed down and I am beginning to understand them a bit more and they are getting a better taste of my sarcastic and cynical flavor. The site however has really cause me to take a look at my outlook on life. Here's what I mean

1. I am a very negative person. I didn't want to admit it, but I am. This makes me perfect for the Emerging Church (I only sort of mean this and I know folks in the EC have fought hard to get rid of this label). I am very good at seeing problem areas in the Church, other people, and myself. Pretty much, I'm a whiney crab. But the good news is that I am starting to see through the perverbial fog. This site had me so charged up and ready to explode that I seriously couldn't sleep. I have never experienced that and it has more to do with the Fundy Hippies on the BB, but non-the-less, I slept for crap last week and the week before. But I'm starting to notice some things. I only post on threads that I disagree with and have taken things pretty personally. I feel like I have a personality disorder because one night I'll post and be very assertive and brazen and the next I'll be trying to be nice and make up. This brings me to my second point.

2. I am not really connecting with anybody. Not totally true, I feel like connect with Montana, but she is so easy going, she connected with the stuttering demensia lady at the nursing home my grandma's in. I also connect with Jodi though I have been so quircky and confrontational. This frickin' job search is killing me too I think. I don't hate my job by any means, but a person can only take so many rejection letters and go through so many interviews before he starts to get a complex. Which brings me to my next point.

3. I am going to get to spend some time with one of my best friends Nicky-poo in the U.P. next week. Me and mine and him and his are going to sit around the fire-place and talk and play Settlers and probably drink a couple beers. It will be very nice to see him and Katie. I am also taking some steps to fix my dark cloud by reading scripture because my wife modelled it for me and because Keith confronted me on it. I am not sure what I'll do, but maybe read some of Paul because I kind of hate him and need to get a better view of him and I want to read the gospels and study what Jesus said about eternity and the afterlife. My goal will be to read it not for information to use against others as I often do but rather to get closer to my creator.

4. I am going to try to become more conservative this week. Isn't that a weird thing to write? I was a lot better at being conservative than I am at being liberal and I don't like to suck at things so I'm going to try to regress. Any suggestions on how I can become more conservative? What time is Bill O'Reilley on? Is Dobson on once a day or twice and at what times? Exactly where IS the Planned Parenthood in Grand Rapids and do you have to use lead pipe for pipe bombs or can you use PVC?

Quit wasting your time reading this

2006-12-11T02:03:00.000-08:00

Hey everybody. Quit wasting your time reading this and do something valuable with your time. I have been consumed by this crazy hippie bulletin board. If you have a few hours a day to spare, check it out. http://beeyeglad.com/phpBB/

Some interesting topics.
1. all masturbation is wrong and is fornication
2. people aren't being healed because they don't have enough faith.
3. alcohol is poison
4. Brian McLaren is a false prophet.
5. Christian is posessed by satan himself.

I must get back to the work of the people. sorry so short.

46Jesus replied, "And you experts in the law, woe to you, because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them. Luke 11:46

23"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. 24You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel. matt 23:23-24

A Positive Blog Post

2006-12-02T22:52:00.000-08:00

I was kidding about my last Blog. I really am going to write about what I like about the church because it's healthy for me. What I like about the Church: 1. I am not sure I would be where I am today (maybe this is what i don't like -just kidding) if it weren't for good people in the church. There is a man named Larry Bruins who is a butcher. he helped me feel good about myself sometimes when I was a kid. He kind of followed me up the grades as a volunteer in my church. I disliked my church very much but Larry did a good job of making me feel liked. The church did a great job of letting me know I was loved- by Jesus- but not so good in letting me knwo I was liked. I got offtrack there... sorry. I remember cooking venison sausage on a "hobo stove". It was really fun and made me feel like a part of something good.

Later in life I moved to the same street as Larry. I didn't always treat his kids very well because we were pretty different and they were younger. I remember Larry taking me aside and encouraging me on my leadership qualities and how God will use me for good. I think i was in middle school. After I went to college and started to enjoy all the seed bearing plants that God had created I came home from Iowa and went to my old church with my parents. I had been out late the night before enjoying all that life had to offer. Larry hunted me down and told me after church that the missionary that had been there reminded him of what kind of man I would become. I wasn't really listening to the missionary, but it felt good that Larry believed in me. I remember thinking about the night before and how the two options conflicted and that I would never be a "good man". Larry was a butcher-thus the picture.

#2. Something else I like about the Church- The Cchurch helps people. Though the motives of the Church I believe are often off-based, the Church does often help people out who need help. I have been involved in helping others get involved as well as heard or read or observed other instances where churches have gotten involved in good things. This is good and what the Church is called to do.

#3. Education- The church has often been the center of study and thought for the world including hospitals, libraries, art, colleges, etc. This is also good. I will not go into how we have misused this aspect of goodness for our benefits because this is the "What I like about the Church" Blog. Just to clarify, I think healthy people, reading, creating things, and learning are good and have blessed society.

I can't think of any other good things right now. This is part of my problem. Most of my thoughts are on negative things. Can you guys add some things. PLease don't say stupid things though like: the Crusades, the assimilation of Native American Culture, WWJD bracelettes, or anything to do with Jim Dobson. Thanks.

What I LIKE about the Church

2006-12-02T22:49:00.000-08:00

Authority?

2006-11-27T23:26:00.000-08:00

I have been applying for jobs with churches lately. it's become kind of a hobby. When I get to work, I do a fewq things and then I go to a couple web-sites that post jobs for youth pastors. I apply fro a couple a day. I got a questionaire from a church in phoenix today. I am contemplating whether or not to fill it out because they ask questions to find out what I think on some issues. I think they won't like my answers. This is what my post is about tonight.

The first thing they ask me is about my conversion experience. This is not in and of itself a bad question, but the fact that it's the first question tells me something about the church. The next questions are about personality types. I wonder if they are hoping for my personality type to be one that will help me make more converts. What would that be? and is that necessarily wrong? Then they want to know about my "call to ministry". Should I make something up here or say that we are all called to ministry and that I just so happen to not do anything else well. Is that a call? Do they want somebody reallt confident in their "skills" who will lead the ministry like our biblical patriarchs?

Pretty loaded picture eh? Either you're a good American or you question everything and oppose America. Those liberals with their propoganda. I tried to up-load a different one, but couldn't figure out how to work it. Now to the issue of authority. They next list their Statement of Faith. I have seen a lot of these and think they are good to have. After all, you don't want your youth pastor to practice satanism or sacrifice animals during youth night. But here is something they want their youth pastor to believe in, "The Scriptures, both Old and New Testaments, to be the inspired Word of God, without error in the original writings, the complete revelation of His will for the salvation of men and the Divine and final authority for Christian faith and life". That's a lot of capital letters.

1. What does "without error int he original writings" mean? Do we have the original writings? The answer is "No". How can I comment on whether or not the original writings have an errors? What would an error constitute? Is a pencil smudge an error or something beautiful that gives the work some character? Is a wrinkled scroll an error? What is perfection? Was the garden perfect? Will things be perfect in heaven? Even a perfect game in baseball isn't truly perfect. We have said no hits or walks is a perfect game. It allows for the pitcher to throw balls. These things are beutiful. Maybe not perfect. Do I believe that scripture is "perfect and without error"? Maybe. Maybe not... But it's beautiful.

2. The teachings are important and all we have to go on besides our common sense and what our fellow man has deemed good. Thes ethings put together and the work of the Holy Spirit are what guide us in our living and behavior. "the complete revelation of His will for the salvation of men and the Divine and final authority for Christian faith and life". I hope we don't use the interpretation of the N.T. that the American church of the 1800's used. Sola Scriptura. Scripture alone. Maybe I just don't get what the big deal is. I realize this has an important part to play in the church of today, but maybe there is more to it that interprating scripture. Maybe one of you Bible scholars can set me back on course, but there are parts of the scriptures that I will never teach on because I don't get them or becuase I think they go against the teachings of Christ. Oh crap, I just lost two of the 3 people who read my blog. What are Jesus' thoguhts on the destruction of humanity during the flood? Where does he stand on the issue of Saddam and Gamorrah? On the slaughter and destruction of Cannan? I would love to read a book on these issues by a scholar explaining how Jesus would be for these things. It would be great bathroom reading material.

So... once again, I got authority issues. I don't trust the authority of the Bible nor the white men who formed the cannon. But I think the Bible is a beutiful work of art written and formed by men seeking the truth. Men like me and men like you (or women like you). Can that be good enough?

Incomplete Church

2006-11-27T22:41:00.000-08:00

My friend Keith showed me how to put pictures on my blog and now my life will never be the same. Thanks Keith.

I believe the Lord has blessed me with the gift of prophecy. I'm serious, though I made the language of that sentence intentionally kooky. I think we all actually have the gift of prophecy but often shackle that gift and keep it in its cage. Each time you or I see an injustice, Christ calls us to speak against it and act accordingly. I realize this may not be the Reformed Churche's definition of prophecy, but I see it in the scriptures and believe that the prophets were a voice that refused to tolerate injustice. They also cooked their food over animal poopy in some instances, but I don't think you have to do that to be a prophet.

Tonight I saw injustice and spoke out against it and it made me feel good but it also cost me. I think that our gifts are often the bane of our existance. My grandmother went to the hospital in Grand Rapids today for a routine thing. She is large and weak and needs a lot of help. Two men tried to help her onto a table but in the process, she broke her femur. (is that how you spell femur?) She is 82 and lives in an assited living facility. She is Dutch and doesn't want to be a burden to anyone. She would much rather suffer greatly than inconvenience anyone else. This may have added to the incident at the hospital. Maybe she didn't say, "Hey! You're about to break my leg!", or something like that. But now she is in a situation in which she has dreaded her whole life. She will have to go to a nursing home and will probably spend the rest of her days there.

Here is the injustice (other than how the orderlies fucked up the transfer from the table to her wheelchair). I arrived after she had been sitting in the ER for 6 hours while waiting for a room. As they wheeled her up, we talked about what will happen next and she said it was a "freek accident" and how she is feeling in general. Once we got to her room, we waited a few minutes for some other staff to help transfer her to the new bed. Remember the last time she got transfered and how that worked out. They asked a fourth staff- a nurse- to help with the move. The nurse was very put out as she was very busy and said, "I can help as long as it's quick". It's hard for me to communicate the tone. It wasn't awful, but it was cold and rude and in front of my grandmother who already doesn't want to be a burden. The anger welled up in me and I said, "Well, I hope it's not too fast because the last time she was moved they broke her leg. Remember she is in pain and should be handled gently". I wans't mean, but I was assertive and I thyink I got my point accross because we were asked to leave while they were transferring her. Later the nurse came and apologized, but it was too late.

My grandmother has never put her needs before others. Ever! Well, maybe not very often. I wanted to tell this nurse about my memories with my grandmother and the care she gave me as a child. How she helped me to form a view about God and marriage that I would never learn in a college or from the Bible. She is a hero and should be treated like one. I want to put a sign up that reminds busy nurses of who they are nursing. It bugs the hell out of me when my grandma talka about being ready to die, but she's right. She is ready to die. Soon she will. Sonner than I'd like. Because of carelessness, my grandmother may die in the hospital rather than in an independant apartment where she could govern much of her own affairs. They owe my grandmother and can't repay her what they took. I hope they can offer her respectful care for a hero while they have her.

I'm going to write another blog now about the broken church.

I've got your "dry spell" right here!

2006-11-27T01:03:00.000-08:00

No, seriously, I am writing a new blog now Keith. It's right here.

Tonight I want to write about a lot of different things, but I will not. I am going to write about a men's retreat that the Lord told me I should organize and that you should go to if you have the necessary equipment. It will be a John Eldridge Retreat about becoming more masculine and how to get your wife to do what you want her to... HaHa. Just kidding. It will be on modern day apolegetics and how we can defend our faith from the secular humnanists that attack us every chance they get. Just kidding again. Those would both suck although if I combined the two could make a lot of money from good Christian men who are trying to do what they think is right. And maybe they are.

But this retreat will be a dialogue- buzz word for emergent- Christs' words. I got the idea from a few things I've been reading as well as my friend Keith who is always trying to read the Bible in order to live a better life. (seems pointless I know, but he did go to a Baptist Seminary). I think this will be a good retreat because it will allow for the men on the retreat to spend some time laughing and in silence and in contemplation about what Christ actually said (or at least the account we have of what he said). I've never looked at the scriptures like this and I'm excited to do so. I hope to implement a few experiential activities to help the men think through some issues that come to light to enhance discussion and understanding.

The interesting thing about this retreat is that I am not really an expert on any of this stuff and hope that my friends will come out of obligation so I can spend time with them. Two years ago I led a similar retreat except that most of the time was spent making home-brew and playing poker. This retreat will not incorporate any beer making, only beer drinking and poker later on Saturday night. It should be enlightening and if nothing else, fun and a respite from "normal life". I will hope to contact a few of you to help in the learning process in areas where you are gifted. Wayne, you have a special gift when it comes to understanding and communicating church history. I hope you can come and teach us a bit on the authority of Scripture and how the cannon was formed. Keith, I think you'll be the only pastor. When i have people whimpering from my emotional talks on important discussions, you may need to pray with them and give them good council on what to do now. Also, I don't know how versed you are in lection divina, but maybe you could help lead that too. Chad, you have a very important part too. (I don't think you even read my blog though). You need to bring the poker chips. Juanito, I want you to go because you are so smart and funny. I will even give you $5 off if you promise to be your ussual cheerful and funny self. The date of the retreat is January 4-7. Hope to hear soem feedback from you folks.

End of the War

2006-11-22T00:46:00.000-08:00

“It is true, political problems are not solved by love and mercy. But the world of politics is not the only world, and unless political decisions rest on a foundation of something better and higher than politics, they can never do any real good for men. When a country has to be rebuilt after war, the passions and energies of war are no longer enough. There must be a new force, the power of love, the power of understanding and human compassion, the strength of selflessness and cooperation, and the creative dynamism of the will to live and to build, and the will to forgive. The will for reconciliation.” - from Introductions East & West. The Foreign Prefaces of Thomas Merton

I have been reading Merton quotes to post in blogs that I write. I found this interesting and complex. As our gov't tries to figure out what to do in Iraq now I find myself embarrased to not really know how different governmental processes work. When I listn to Diane Rehm on NPR, I am constantly reminded of how stupid I am concerning these things. The topic yesterday was about what to do now in Iraq. This week I read in the Press our 3 options of Go Big, Go Long, Go Home. So I thought i'd comment on my ideas of what to do.

After 911, I was pissed. I was convinced that we should go after somebody. First Afghnistan and then Iraq fed this anger or as Merton calls it, "the passions and energies of war". But as things progressed and things didn't really turn out as pleasant and cut and dry as I had planned, I started to wonder what the hell we were doing. Then I started looking for somebody else to blame. I have learned a lot about what I think about war in the past 6 years but haven't really figured out what to do in Iraq now. I was speaking with a friend yesterday about this and I said that we can't just leave, but I don't want us to stay either. How are we going to get out of there and not screw things up further?

The answer I have come up with is "I just don't know and I hope somebody else does". So, you have now just wasted a few minutes reading this and hearing no clear conclusions. Hope you're happy.

"Letters from a Skeptic"

2006-11-19T01:19:00.000-08:00

My good friend Chad gave me a book by a guy named Greg Boyd. I don't know much about Mr. Boyd except he is an "open theist". This kind of means that he believes God is limited in what he knows about the future. He's limited because of how he set up his creation. Mr. Boyd is what the Church would call a heretic. Which really just means that he goes against the teaching of the Church. I actually think of myself fondly as a heretic. Maybe all you folks can start calling me the "King of the Heretics". Maybe you don't think you have areason to call me such an ugly name... I told my friend Keith tonight that I thought Paul was a homosexual. This should get any evangelical Christian pumped up especially since I have no facts or even reason to speculate. I simply do it because I knwo it will irritate people and I like to do that. I think this is funny mostly because evangelical Christian's love Paul and (in my humble opinion) hate homosexuals or at least treat them as second class citizens. Enough of the inflammatory rhetoric though.

My point about this book... Boyd is a professor of Apologetics and the book was written in 1994. I skimmed the book but got a pretty good synopsis of it. My question is this: "What the hell are we supposed to be doing?" This is pretty important to me. Much of my "Christian" life was devoted to making converts to Christianity so that the goats don't go to hell. In the past 3 or so years I have rejected much of what I believed or at least much of what I care about that I believe. Are we supposed to try to change people's minds about God (this is what i used to do) or do something else? Is that we we are supposed to do?

Th obvious other option is a social/works based gospel or some kind of combo. My ultimate question and point in writing this blog is getting my thoughts on paper to try to figure out what I think. What place does apologetics have in my life. Have I bought into a social gospel so much that I may shy away from sharing any kind of apologetic with people I know? Am I more interested in right action or right thinking? What is God more concerend with? I am not even going to get into scripture because I don't think I can be objective. I guess what it boils down to is (I thik I was the first onw to ever ask this question. If somebody has already thoguht of it, don't tell me because I want to live life thinking I really contributed to the progress of man) "What is the Gospel?" What is the "good news"?

If I can't answer this, then how should I think about evangelism? If the good news is changing someone's mind, then what is the best way to do that? Obviously, brain-washing! We should be having brainwashing conventions to change how people think. That doesn't sound like America (or does it?). The only worse thing than being an atheist is being a communist, right (or being gay as we talked about before. We have chosen some pretty arbitrary things to despise in my opinion).

Obviously, I am not an advocate of a mind changing gospel (though I think there may be a place in the Church for mind altering subsatnces). But, do I believe there is anything worth fighting for in terma of the doctrine? What are the things that I care about enough to try to change somebody elses mind? I can't say nothing because I love to tell Chrisitan's that they are wrong on so many issues. Do I think a person needs to believe in the virgin birth in order to be saved? What about the resurection? What about the Bible? Although I definately have my opinions, rarely do I give them. I just don't see the point.

So here is my final paragraph which is supposed to persuade you to think how I do. I think God wants us to do what is right- which isn't news to any of us who suffered through Sunday School. God cares more that we do what is right than that we think right. If I show people how to love others and how to serve others and how to prophecy for what is right in this world, I am carrying out the gospel. If this is true, then can Muslims carry out the gospel? Can Budhists? Can communists? Can Homosexuals? Can I? If these people can live the gospel, then will they experience salvation? I hope so or I'm screwed.

Reading Again

2006-11-18T13:32:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: In my creating this blog-thingy I inadvertantly created two accounts and this is the post from the other blog (which no longer exists, thanks to my beautiful and smart wife).

Thanks to my friend, Keith from work, I have again found the love for reading. I don't think I even knew that i had lost it, but after reading the first chapter of "The Church on the Other Side", I remember how excited I used to get. I think this is McLaren's 2nd book and is about 8 years old but it's still pretty good. I wanted to post a few thoughts I have had while reading the first chapter.1. I love to read. As I stated earlier, reading is fun. In the middle of the chapter I went to Amazon and ordered two books that I've read but have lost: New kind of Christian and A Generous Orthodoxy. I'm going to let our room mate Hilary read NKofC because I think she'll like it.2. What do I want church to be? I had an interview tonight on the phone for this men's retreat I'm going on. (I'm not excited about it. In fact I'm nervous I'll hate it. But this "interview" made me think maybe it won't be as awful as I'd thought). But the guy, Bob, was asking me about things that I want to "work on" while I'm on the retreat. He didn't mean like a craft I found out but instead meant "emotionally". This made me nervous of course but I told him I wanted to wade through some of my discontent and skepticism aout the Church. So he asked me what would I like to see change within the church. I said I would like to see the Church become and authentic community where people's ideas are valued and celebrated. After I had said that I remembered readin in their brochure that they believe that when we are critical about something that it is ussually something we dislike in ourselves. I don't know if I believe that, but maybe in this instance it is true. In what ways am I un-authentic or disingenuous? (I'm thinking right now). Aaah. I want people to think I am all about social justice but when it comes down to it, I do just as little as anybody else. In fact, I hate this about myself and have tried to change it. I think this woudl take a radical life change. Most of my life has been about meetings with people and spending time hanging out. (Maybe there isn't anything wrong with this). I wonder how much of this I would need to give up? What do I need to sacrifice to prove to myself (and if I'm honest, prove to others) that I care about bringing God's justice to Earth?I actually had more thoughts than these, but wanted to highlite things I found telling and meaningful. I'll try to write more tomorrow.

Blogg Blogg Blogg all Day Long

2006-11-17T22:17:00.000-08:00

I like it that you folks found my Blogg. I'm still getting used to blogger. I must tell you I just spent 15 minutes trying to figure out how to post a new blogg. I'm still learning to use one of these new fancy "computer" things.

I'm listening to Over the Rhine right now. If you haven't heard them before, check them out. they're from Cincinatti I think and are wonderful. Have you ever heard of Danzig or Metallica? They are a lot like those bands only, it's a female singer and it's mostly accoustic with a much jazzier feel. OTR is also exactly like Judas Priest except it's a husband and wife who sound wonderful and inspire me to do great things. Oops, the CD just changed to Grasshoppah which is a local GR bluegrass band (well, they used to be local but now moved to Portland with the rest of the hippies and artsy types). I do love music though and I need to give Kudos to my attractive and single co-worker who introduced me to some great music.

I want to write a bit about some things going on in my life. Lately, I have been very assertive and have been welcoming conflict of any kind. I ussually am pretty passive because I'm always afraid that i'll hurt people's feelings but for the past few weeks I have bot really cared about people's feelings and have been letting people how I feel before they are really even interested. As a Christian, peacemaker, and idealogical pacifist, this is a problem. I don't think I've been so called "sinning", but I haven't been too interested in trying to nurture people or really help them along in their lives. I think it's because I've been waiting to find out about a job in New Orleans that I have interviewed for. The pastor keeps saying, "We're close to a decision and I'll call you on such and such..." But then such and such a time comes along and he doesn't call. I'm sure there is a good reason, but I'm not really very sympathetic. So there is this anxiety about moving and working for the church again and doing youth ministry again and so forth. But I don't want to say, "Sir, please stop telling me you'll call me on such and such and then not call me on such and such. It makes me be mean to people and I am a pacifist and don't want to get into a fight because I'm anxious about wether or not I'm gonna get this job and I don't want my wife to hate me because I tell her that she 'needs to replace the shower curtain before I get home'". You can see my dillema.

I'm now going to tell you what I think about youth ministry and about the church. I started reading a lot of, so called "Emergent" literature, about 3 years ago. It was reeally nice and enjoyable because most of the books I read were all bitching about church and about people who are dumb and I really resonated with their complaining. I think I like to feel like I know more than everybody else. That's why I like bands that nobody has ever heard of and why I like Emergent stuff and why I am a Christian who doesn't like church. I can sit back and think..."Those dumb-asses. Can't they see what's going on. Judas Priest is so 20 years ago. Let me tell you about Wilco. Those evangelicals are so behind the times. Don't they know that Billy Graham knows nothing about post-modernism?" It's a sickness, this "I'm smarter than everybody" mentallity. But, as you know, "I'm down with the sickness". But back to what I think about the church and about youth ministry.

I wonder if Jesus has self-image problems with his Body. I always think about how stupid the disciples were and how they just screwed everything up. But if Jesus was irritated with his dim-whitted followers, how annoyed and dissapointed he must be with the Chruch today. (Another of my issues is seeing things as all good or all bad). Major issues in the church today I think Christian's are on the totally wrong side. Abortion, homosexual marriage, stem cell, social work, yadda, yadda, yadda. Most times I'm embarrased to be a Christian because of what people think of when I say I'm one. When I became a Christian, I was excited and thought how fortunate I was to be name "Christian" rather than "Muslim" or "Hindu". I'm seriously thinking about going by Chris again.

Youth Ministy: I wasn't sure what to do with all the Emergent stuff because it really changed how I view the Church. I find small churches much more beautiful than large ones. I don't think Emergent is saying big is bad, but what I value about church ussually manifests itself in small settings. But this Chruch in New Orleans is very small and I wonder how a youth minstry will function in such a setting. I don't really have any better ideas than anything else anybody is doing, so I suppose I'll just do that but do it "correctly". (See above paragraph on being smarter than everybody). I'm also nervous that after working with the kids from Wedgwood that I won't know what to do with "normal" kids. Maybe being this comfortable talking about masturbation, digital penetration, and anal insertion won't come in very "handy" (masturbation pun) in a youth group setting. I'll also be pissed if I start telling kids that they're in their offense cycle or to take a time out. These are the things I worry about while I'm waiting for the pastor to call.

I guess that wraps it up. Thanks for feeding my ego by reading what I have to write. i covered more controversial topics this time but probably won't get any "hits" because this post doesn't have any big names/themes in it like: Brian McLaren or Rob Bell or Nancy Pelosi or sex...sex...sex or Jerry Falwell but I guess I have plenty of time to talk about these things as well as James Dobson and Marilyn Manson and global warming.

Ramble... Ramble... Ramble...

2006-11-15T21:44:00.000-08:00

I would like to start writing because I think it will help me process my life. My wife one time asked Brian McLaren how her husband could start writing books and he said to start blogging. I think he could have added "He needs to be smart and know how to use English good". But nonetheless, I will begin blogging as often as I can (hopefully daily). It should be fun because I am opinionated and pompous and like to argue. Hopefully we can all come to some better understanding of life and how to live.

For my first Blog, I want to write about a mens' retreat that I went on. I need to preface things by saying that I hate men's retreats and that I am more skeptical of these type things than anyone on the planet. But my best friend Erik asked me along. I thought I could get out of it by saying I can't afford it, but he said He'd buy making it nearly impossible for me not to go.

So I went. It was very strange. They did things that made me uncomfortable and at times made me wonder if it was damaging to me and the men. But it was really good. It's very secretive (which I hate and am skeptical about) but I can tell you that it helps men uncover issues from their past in an attempt to change their present and future. One of the techniques they use is something called Theophostic Prayer. I watched men process very painful things in their lives in order to try to change thmeselves. It was very tiring and painful to watch and to participate.

My issue to work on was my disdain for the Church and for God. It was kind of hard to do partially because I think I am pretty disconnected from my emotions on these matters. I really weanted and needed to think things through. But since I have thought about this stuff a ton and know how screwed up it makes me, I was mostly just able to view how i saw the world in order to understand myself better. The best part of the weekend for me was to be affirmed and blessed. I have issues with self-loathing and confidence and it helped me to feel better about myself. This is always good unless you're a narcicist. (I work with some narcicists).

The other thing that was so nice was getting to see into the mind of my friend Erik. If anybody has a reason to hate the Church or God it's him but it was so great to watch him work through his stuff. He is an inspiration to me. But I feel really connected to him because the environment smelled of truth, love and authenticity. Men were real. Erik was real. I was as real as I could be. The danger of this kind of set-up is that men feel compelled to follow along and be real. It breaks down any barriers that they might have in order to get to the root of issues. This could be used for great strides in men's lives or deep deep regressiona nd pain. A few times I almost left because I was so scared of what was happening. But like Aslan, it was terrifying , but GOOD.

Later I'll get into the good stuff like homosexuality, racism, sexuality, the poor, atonement, the resurection, Brian McLaren, and Jerry Falwell. But that's it for tonight.

First Time Ever?

2006-11-15T21:42:00.000-08:00

Trying to figure out how to do this. Wonder if it worked
Christian.