Take off eh!

I leave in a couple days for Canada again. I am excited. I look forward to this trip every year. Some of the highlights this year will be:
1. Home Brew
2. Seeing Erik again.
3. Spending time with Russ
4. Bringing my friend Jay on the trip for the first time.

We're going to the Red Pine Lodge this year. I found the spot and am nervous that the fishing may not be as good. The cabin doesn't have any running water. It has no shower and an outhouse. You have to fetch the water for the dishes.

We're going for a full week this year which is new too. The last few years we've only gone for like 4 days. Hopefully this will allow for me to win everybody's cash while playing hold 'em. PLus we'll play lots of Settlers again. I'll give you an update with pictures when and if I return.

Spiritual Direction

I've been in spiritual direction for about 8 months now. I recently switcherd who I was seeing and it has been great. I was advised to journal after our meeting today so i thought I would.

I noticed a lot today. As you may have noticed (all of you readers out there) I haven't been blogging as much. In fact the last time I blogged was a couple months ago. I just haven't been into it. I think it's connected to what I figured out today. As I look back through my blogs I can see the transformation I have been going through. Starting with some significant theological shifts while I was at lighthouse church on Monroe all the way through my Anglican "conversion". But since we fell in love with the EC I think I have gone through my biggest transformation. I'm at peace. I feel like a whole new person. I AM a whole new person. Not in a weird "I'm a new creation" evangelical kind of way. I just look back at the things I blogged about and the things I was thinking and notice how I am not interested in those things anymore.

Much of my blogging was me working out my own theology and figuring out if I was capable of believing the things I was thinking. I give much of this credit to Emergent and many of its thinkers.

Here is where the "Waiting" comes in though. I had a strange month. Holy week was meaningful for the first time in my life. It was great to experience the liturgy and be a part of it. It was definately where I saw God the most clearly. But I didn't spend time each day in prayer. (It sounds so weird to even say that because last year it would have never crossed my mind to spend time praying.) My director listened patiently as I told him about areas that I noticed God being absent. I told him that I didn't feel God's absence rather, I just didn't feel anything. not in a bad way... I had a great month. I felt peace and beaty all around me and the relationships I am in.

He mentioned that he thought maybe it was because I was in transition in a couple areas. 1. We are getting ready to go to seminary. This had a few layers to it because of my resistance to following through on a couple hoops within the process and we talked about my fears. That was good. 2. This transformation I've been going through. It felt good for him to help me put words to how I was feeling. As I looked back over the past year I noticed how much I had changed. It's a bunch.

I look forward to the next few days as I continue to ponder these things and try to pay more attention to what is going on with me. It'll be fun to talk about it with my best girl.

Young Man

I went to the "Y" today to play basketball. Everything went well until after I was done playing basketball. I have seen some crazy things as I do bed checks at my job, but what I saw in the locker room was truly terrifying in a "this is normal?" sort of way. I guess I haven't spent much time in locker rooms. There are men in the locker room with enormous... bodies. Probably from lifting. But I'll tell you. The last thing on my mind is starting up a conversation with a stranger while I'm totally nude. I'm not making accusations here about anything. But I am saying I kind of go out of my way to be discrete. I understand that this is kind of how things are in the womens locker room. I don't know what that says about me, but it's cool. Next time I guess I'll see if I can go in the girls locker room.

One more thing. I think I've changed a lot since high school. I remember me and Tom Potgeter sliding around on the shower floors after basketball games. It was like a water slide, only way more fun. Jodi is aware of this because I had to tell her about it. It's how I caught the "clap".

No Country for Old Men

My friend Keith asked me what I was reading. Get with the times Keith. Nobody "reads" anymore! We listen to books on cassette tapes. Jodi and I just "read" this book together in a week. Sometimes we sat and listened. Othertimes, we cleaned the kitchen and listened. We also played a lot of poker and knitted (or crocheted) while we listened.

My thoughts: I need to think a lot more about this book/tape/CD/movie. It was very dark. Pretty depressing. Almost dissapointing. I love these kinds of books/movies. I wonder how the movie will be. I heard it is very violent. The book for shizzle is very violent. I think it will be amazing to watch and experience with other senses.

Listening to books on tape is going to be a new hobby of ours. The only problem will be that we don't know what to listen to next. we rediscovered the library and that is helpful, but does anybody have any recomendations?

Going Down the Road... Feeling Bad

Anxiety has come over the Baron house. Jodi and I at times get into funks. Well, we're in one now. When we get in these moods, it feels good to spend money. It always feels good to spend money for me, but when we feel funky, it feels great. Maybe like an addict with his "whatever". We went out for Ethiopian tonight. It was good. Mo loves it and we love it too. It's so delicious. Oh, it also feels good to eat when I get in a funk.

Things are fine for the most part and we do count our blessings (and name them one by one). We have a great life and family. Keep an eye and ear out for renters for us. Hopefully tomorrow the title will be "Going where the Water tastes like wine".

Why am I Surprised?

http://beeyeglad.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=17032

Well, I stopped getting so excited on this forum a while ago. I used to get all upset and lose sleep. Literally! I'd wake up and go check this bulletin board and almost enjoy the conflict. But I have started to look at it differently in the past 6 months or so. I rarely disagree on it and instead look for ways to get along and see commonalities in people instead of differences. It for the most part has worked. I sometimes still use my passing gear voice when I think I must, but have enjoyed folks on there much more this way. I'd actually say i have seen God much more in each person on here when I'm not focused on how I think their theology is wrong or how their worldview must be changed to mine. This is maybe an obvious way to live for many of you, but it has been a struggle for me.

Today heath Ledger died. You can go to CNN and read the story for yourself if you'd like, but the important thing for you to know to understand this blog is that he was in "Brokebackk Mountain". If you don't know what that is, you probably already stopped reading (like anybodie's reading anyways). It wasn't a GREAT film, but it was important I think. One of the most important films for me to see maybe ever. It was about two gay cowboys who struggle to figure things out for their whole lives. It's so interesting to watch different relationships within the movie and how difficult things were for both men. The reason it was important for me was because I don't have a clue about how difficult things are for people that are different from me. I don't mean like "i don't get you because you are a mechanic" kind of thing, but "I had no idea what things were like for you and really still don't" kind of way. It's more of an awareness of being un-aware kind of thing.

So, Now comes the part where I tie together the hippie board and Heath Ledger. Somebody asked if Mr' Ledger's death was God's judgement for trying to make homosexuality more mainstream and acceptable. I won't comment much more than this because I assume that those of you readin right now see things similarly enought to me that we can mentally look at one another and give a little wink. I'm now going to list a few things that Fundamentalists have blamed on homosexuals.

1. 911

2. New Orleans

3. The breakdown of the "American Family"

4. The feminization of the Church

5. Heath Ledger's Death

I'll say no more on this subject.

"It's your Family Fare Neighborhood!"

I get grumpy sometimes in the mornings after I work. Here's a story. Once every couple months the Church I work at does a can drive to raise money for the youth mission trip. This past week we had a lot of cans. A few things happened and I needed to get the cans out of the church right away. So, I went and got them one day after work. I didn't really want to go get them. But I did. So I had a lot of cans in the back of the van that Jodi's parents gave to us.

Sunday morning I had a hour to kill before church so I decided to return the cans at the 68th street Family Fare. There were less than 5 people in the whole store. I took two shopping carts in and had the can station to myself. If you know me well, you know that i hate being dirty. This effects a number of things in my life from changing diapers, to playing football in high school, to backpacking, to showering, to toiletry behaviors (I use wet-wipes). So, getting my hands in dirty nasty sticky beer cans is not a fun thing to do for me. In fact, I hate it!

I did cans for about 40 minutes. I had a system down. Jodi can attest, that I can always find the best and most efficient way to do things. Or, she can attest to the fact that I always think I have the most efficient way of doing things. Part of this efficiency is not having the pop can machine beeping at you when you need to have it operational. The bottles take the longest. So it needs to be working if the system is going to work. You get it.

The FF folks did not get that I had a system and that it was essential for me to be able to work this system to keep my mind off the germs on my hands and shirt sleeves. So they lolly-gagged their way over to be helpful. This happened three times.

I had like $47 that I ran through the machines. I still have more cans in my van. But I made me way to the checkout to cash in. I was gonna buy doughnuts, but since FF employees took so long to stop the beeping, my system got hi-jacked and I no longer had time for the said doughnuts or hot chocolate I needed for youth group that night. (note: the doughnuts and hot chocolate was a part of a larger system that had been set up in my mind to make things run smoothly on a busy Sunday). So I just needed to cash in my slips and get out of there. I waited for at least 3 minutes for somebody to show up and scan my slips. I could see them hustling off to sweep or clean or whatever, but it was pretty clear to me that can-man was not on the top of their priorities. Finally a woman showed up. She was old. She walked past me without looking at me. She grabbed my slips and started scanning. This was fine I thought. No time for chit-chat. She's working her system. I wasn't really in the mood for talking anyways. My hands were dirty and I was tired. But then she says without ever having even looked at me, "You know there is a $25 limit on these?". Now I was pissed. Damn the system. I explained to her in an assertive way that I was disappointed that she hadn't even acknowledged me and this was the first thing she had said. She smiled. Then I explained to her that the law was clearly in my favor on this. I read an article this summer in the Press stating that stores may not limit how many cans are returned. She said she doesn't make the rules.

I can understand having a can limit if things are busy. Nobody wants to wait around to do their cans if they have like 10 cans but there is some yahoo with three shopping carts of cans a bottles. This makes sense. But she wanted to follow the rules because she was lazy. She was inconvenienced by me. She needed to switch the cans and then needed to stop what she was doing to help me.

The morale of the story is, the next time I buy a case of beer, I will inform the store that my policy is to only pay a $1.00 deposit per trip. If they don't like it, I'll just say, "Sorry, I don't make the rules". This may be misleading since I will in fact be the one who has made the rule, but that's beside the point.

Also, I have been trying to figure out how to say this: "I couldn't care less". I think a lot of people say "I could care less". "I could care less" could mean a lot of different levels of caring. The only thing it rules out is the fact that it is not on the extreme level of not caring. It may mean you care a great deal or that you care a moderate amount. This is why the expression needs to be "I couldn't care less". This means, "I care so little, that there is no possible way for me to be less caring". Be careful when you use this phrase. It's tricky.

Peaceful

I have successfully aligned my chakras and have become one with the world. The positive energy now flows freely through all 5 chakras and my spirit is free.

Well, I don't know about that, but I am much happier today than I was a couple years ago. I spent several years in desolation after moving back from the U.P. In fact, I was sort of insane for a few years. It didn't help that my job at Wedgwood was highly stressful emotionally and physically. But I seem to have come through on the other side seemingly stronger.

I was reading a book about the Rule of St. Benedictine. One of the chapters was on hospitality and prophecy. I though it was weird that the two chapters were together but the author explained well how they were linked. (you'll have to read the book for a good explanation too). But as I was reading this chapter on hospitality, I was reminded of how passionate I was for being hospitable. Especially int he last 2 years, I have kind of lost that passion and desire. But now it seems to be rising up inside me again. I believe that because of my much healthier mental state I am able to reclaim gifts, desires, and passions that God placed in me. It's hard to explain, but this is such an exciting time for me. I honestly wasn't sure if I'd ever snap out of this funk, but now feeling these very natural feelings, I am reminded of God's goodness in my life. I spent far too long being genuinely wounded and spent a large portion of time feeling sorry for myself.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still righteously cynical, irreverently prophetic, and sarcastically reflective. These things may change as I continue to seek the God-life, but until then, I'll embrace these wonderfully awful characteristics.

Peace!

"Bye-Bye Alligator"

"Bye-Bye Alligator". This is what Mo is saying to try to mimic her mama or "mapa" (My papa). She really is pretty sweet. She's also been going potty on the big girl potty regularly. She's only pooped on the potty once. I think she's scared.

Grandma Grace Baron died last week. She was a good grandma. Mo liked to hang on the side of the coffin at the visitation. She did it at least 3 times and I had to shoo her away from it. It could have been pretty awful if something would have been wiggled free.

I had hoped to go hunting this year, but looks like it won't work out again (sorry Keith). We're just too frickin busy.

I've been kind of obsessing about my own death today. If this is my last entry, I guess I'm a prophet.

Tubby Time

Better day today. Mo went trick or treating. She refused to say "trick-or-treat" until after we were done. Not even a spanking made her give in. I think her favorite part was knocking on doors. She loves to copy Papa. She didn't really get the candy exchange thing.

When we got home, she took a really long bath. I watched her and Jodi playing and giggling. She is so wonderful. She has learned to say "A-B-C". Nice work Mo. You are a prodigy.

I went to spiritual direction tonight. It was good. I really like the woman who directs me. I think it will be a great relationship.

When I got home Jodi and I snuggled on the couch. It looked kind of like the picture, except we weren't in the tub. I love the family guy and get to watch it every day on fox at 1:30 am. Peter is very funny.

Oh, I saw the guy in the whealchair again today. I thought about him all last night and a bunch today. My words were ringing in my ears repeatedly and I felt guilt over my dealings with him. "I can't help you" I shouted. Then today he motioned me to pull over as I was driving by. He needed $5 for a taxi to get to st. mary's for physical therapy. This time I could help him. I offered him a ride over there. He declined stating he couldn't ride with me for liability reasons. I gues I'm thankful that he is just looking out for my well being. He's probably been sued several times and can't risk another financial downfall. I felt justified in my anger is my point.

Leonard Cohen, Fundy Hippies, and Living like Jesus

The Hippie Christian Bulletin Board that I've been on for about a year really got to me today. Some other bad things happened too.

1. On the HCBB there are several different "forums". One of the forums is for new believers. I don't venture in there very often because for the most part Fundys think I'm scary and that I'll screw up their good thing. But for some reason I went in and was reading about a young woman who wasn't a Christian and was explaining her objections. She pointed out her disdain for war and how it seemed like many Christians are all about it. She said she read the beatitudes and how they made her cry but that she didn't see these valuable principles lived out by those who claim to follow Christ. She also pointed out her struggle to understand the only theology of hell that she had ever been informed of. The angry God who wants to send us there kind of hell. She said she didn't get it and that she couldn't subscribe to a religion that believed God would send people to hell. To a fundamentalist, these questions are easy. "When a perspective believer says they don't like hell, tell them 'this'." Faith is quantified and mathemetized. They say things like, "God wants us to know him so he gave us his Word to read and study." They think we can know all we need to and that God will take care of the rest. But I mentioned that I resonated with her comments and that I too had those questions. I mentioned that I thought that her search for truth was a noble one. I told her that even though there are many who will say things like "The bible is black and white and will answer your little questions", that she should continue to search for truth. So, the moderator deleted my posts and sent me a message saying that my perspective was "liberal" and that I shouldn't post on there any more unless I take a biblical stance.

2. We had a dispute with a friend tonight. I won't go into detail, but it was kind of a big deal. We were angry with this person because we felt wronged. The decisions that this person made affected our whole family. That makes me cranky. This happened right before I had to leave for work. I don't know if we handled things in a loving or peaceful way. I'm not sure how we'll handle things tomorrow.

3. On the way to my car, a man in a wheelchair was asking me for money to get to his brothers. This happens often in my neighborhood. The folks never want a ride, they want $0.75 for bus fare or $1.50 for bus fare, or in this case $3.50 for bus fare. It's always a specific amount I guess because then it seems like they have earnestly been trying to help themselves, but they just aren't able to do it. They simply need my help. Anyways, can you tell I wasn't buying it. I am ussually very patient and offer to help without giving out money. But tonight, I was grumpy and I didn't have any money and I was loading my kids into the car at 10:30PM. I needed to get to work and this guy wasn't giving up. I tried three times to be polite. Jodi was upset. I was vulnerable because I had my kids and I was tired of it. So I kind of gave him an ear full. I don't think I was very Christ-like.

4. Then I read some Leonard Cohen poetry. He is very dark. It kind of made me feel better. Here is a poem he wrote.

SOS 1995

Take a long time with your anger,

sleepy head.

Don't waste it in riots.

Don't tangle it with ideas.

The Devil won't let me speak,

will only let me hint

that you are a slave,

your misery a deliberate policy

of those in whose thrall you suffer,

and who are sustained

by your misfortune.

The atrocities over there,

the interior paralysis over here--

Pleased with the better deal?

You are clamped down.

You are being bred for pain.

The Devil ties my tongue.

I'm speaking to you,

'friend of my scribbled life'.

You have been conquered by those

who know how to conquer invisibly.

The curtains move so beautifully,

lace curtains of some

sweet old intrigue:

the Devil tempting me

to turn away from alarming you.

So I must say it quickly.

Whoever is in your life,

those who harm you,

those who help you;

those whom you know

and those whom you do not know --

let them off the hook,

help them off the hook.

Recognize the hook.

You are listening to Radio Resistance.

Never Cry Wolf

Tonight my job sucked. When my job doesn't suck, it is great, but when it sucks, it really sucks. I was trying to meditate and do some of my prayer exercises, but couldn't focus because my mind was racing thinking about traumatic events. So, I watched a movie. "Never Cry Wolf"

I saw this movie when I was boy. Mostly what I remembered was the man eating all the mice and seeing him naked a lot. but I watched the movie tonight as I was trying to relax. It was good. Not a lot of dialogue and some very beautiful cinematography. There wasn't a political overtone (though I could make one) and it wasn't overly emotional. I just enjoyed watching and dreaming about being in the wild. It felt quite healthy. Here are a few observations about the movie.

1. My week was filled with meetings and work. That is OK because it's not always like that, but I feel like I have missed a lot with my girls. So watching a movie that was kind of about breaking free and slipping off the grid entirely was refreshing. There was a line in there about an old Inuit Eskimo (I'm not sure if that is PC). He was following this Eskimo to where the Caribou were and they hiked for 3 days. He mentioned how much more endurance this old man had but how the old man didn't really notice how slow the main character was. He said it was because the Eskimo had no understanding of impatience.

2. The main character was in the arctic studying the wolves. A major theme in the movie was about how he was spending all of his time noticing and watching. he also mentioned how much more in tune with things the wolves were. He said they used all of their senses to notice what was going on but that really all he was using were his eyes and brain. (is the brain a sense?). Anyways, Jodi and I have been trying to live our lives in an attentive and reflective way. Always noticing what is going on and how we respond to those things. I look forward to much more progress in this area.

Coffee and Such

When I get my work done, I drink coffee to stay awake. Here are some things I like to do.

1. Read. Right now I'm reading about 6 books for my vocational discernment program. My favorite book is a commentary on the Rule of Benedict. I'm learning a lot about Benedictine Spirituality and about myself.
2. Journal. I also have started journalling for my vocational program. It's good to journal, but I've never been very good at it. I like to blog which is a way to journal, but I don't really like to keep a dear diary. It will probably never be something that I do with any kind of regularity.
3. Movies. I have watched a few good ones lately. Right now I'm watching a documentary on Leonard Cohen. I really need to buy a book of his poetry. It is very beautiful and pretty dark. In the documentary it says that it takes him at least a year to work on a single song. Pretty crazy.
4. I've been lifting weights. Check out my huge arms next time you see me.
5. I also have kind of a routine on the internet. I read a few different blogs, check the hippie Christian BB, read CNN's board, read Sojo, check my fatasy football stuff, and sometimes write a new blog.

But that's about it. Inbetween all of this, I am doing bed checks, doing laundry, starting a meal for the guys for the next day, and fill out my paperwork.

Thanks for reading my blog. Let's get together and have a cup of coffee (or beer) soon.

Jesus loves the little children- but Bush doesn't?

Well, maybe the title isn't fair. But isn't that what it looks like? Bush says he will veto a bill expanding the State Children's Helaht Insurance Prgram (SCHIP). The program would offer insurance to more children who are not necessarily under the poverty line but who cannot afford insurance.

The proposal will cost 35 billion over the next 5 years. Bush supporters will say that he should wait till SCHIP is more efficient and streamlined. They will say that they want the plan to be more refined so it doesn't allow for abuse. "We want good intel." "We don't want to waste money on something we aren't sure will work out."

I am not a wild spender (well with my own money I may be). In some ways, I am conservative on how I think the gov't should send our tax dollars. But isn't it ironic that Bush is deciding to be "responsible" on the backs of the poor children of the US?

This is all coming out about SCHIP at the same time Bush is asking for $55 billion more for the war in Iraq. Thank God we got the intel right on that and that we aren't losing millions of dollars to abuse over there to no-bid contracts and crooked military folks who administer money as they see fit with no accountability for the funds they dish out. I don't want to hate Bush, but it is sooo hard not to. I wish it was harder.

Blackwater

So... this is interesting. If you don't know what "Blackwater" is, then you aren't paying attention. Check it out. I heard about Blackwater last year during the election for governor last year. My friend Jay told me about them. Here are some interesting things about Blackwater

1. They are a mercenary group which is hired for private protection in volatile areas. The obvious hot spot right now is in Iraq. Here is my understanding, and I'd love and welcome correction if I get the facts wrong.

2. They were started by one of the Prince kids from Holland. Erik Prince went to Holland Christian and was/is a Navy Seal. His father is very rich and he used some of the family money to start a training school in S. Carolina to train these mercenaries.

3. How I understand it, they don't have to follow the same rules of engagement as the military and don't really have to follow and rules at all. I think they get their license to practice mercenary type things from the State Department and don't really have to follow Iraqi law.

4. So when they kill at least 11 civilians and Iraq says they must leave, they don't have to listen because they don't really answer to the Iraqi gov't. It's a sweet deal for these businessmen. They can keep their constituents happy and safe because they can carry out operations and violence that not even our military can. They can guarantee safety because at any hint of danger, they can start blasting. The problems with this are obvious.

5. Dick Devos's daughter is married to Erik Prince. There is a lot of Michigan money tied up in this whole thing. A lot of West Michigan money. Two families from our area that are very influential and thought of highly.

I wonder how the U.S. will handle this. The Press today interviewed a "senior military official" that said that this most recent scandal was bigger than Abu Graib. That's frickin' scary!

This is the scariest part:

"Meanwhile, the State Department interceded in a congressional investigation of Blackwater last week, ordering the company not to disclose information about its Iraq operations without approval from the Bush administration."

Well, if we can't trust the Bush administration to give it to us straight, then who can we trust. I'm sure Cheney will look over the material and let us know exactly what we need to know.

God save us from this war. Give us a way out that will glorify you and waste as few lives as is possible. Help us to love our enemies and to do what is right for all involved rather than seeking our own benefit.

St. Benedict

Jodi and I are in a vocational discernment program to help us figure out God's calling in our lives. We are trying to see if God would have us go to seminary to become an Episcopalian Priest. (Turns out Jodi is also feeling a call to either the priesthood or to become a Deacon. That's exciting too.) It is a frustrating and exciting time. We have already met for two weekends, and will meet for six more before the end of the year.

IN many ways I feel like this program is just a hoop to jump through, but when I am thinking clearly and not defensively, I am able to notice how good it is for me. Much of the discernment is helping me to focus on the internals of my life rather than the externals. As many of you know, I have focused on the externals for a LOOOONG time. So it is hard for me to change my patterns of thinking. I'm really learning to notice how I am responding in certain situations and how I need to listen and be still more. It's liberating.

The people in the discernment program are great. I would work with any of them at any time. We went out for drinks last Friday. Well, they each had a drink, and I had a couple. I was thirsty. But we had a great time and we laughed a lot and talked about the future. I think they will all make wonderful Priests or Deacons.

One of the classes is on Benedictine Spirituality. I was nervous it would be boring, but it is actually very interesting. We have a devotional (it's actually called a "rule") that we read each day and then journal about. Turns out I like to journal. The Benedictine Rule has been pretty interesting. Today's rule was about leadership and what Benedict's take was. If you get a chance, pick up a copy of the rule.

I also saw a movie today. It was called "Super Bad". It was funny but very vulgar. I wouldn't have paid to see it if I knew what it would be like. It's more of a rental movie which is too bad. I never go to the movies anymore. I went with my friend Matt. Then we went and got pizza. Jodi is in Florida with the girls. I miss them.

7 Year Itch

As of August 26, Jodi and I have been married for 7 years. It's been great. Here are some highlights:

1. August 26, 2000. Jodi and I had sex for the first time. It was really fun and we decided to try it a few other times since.

2. Sept. 23, 2005. We had Mo. She is great. It has been fun being parents. It has changed our relationship but for the better. we both enjoy watching each other grow and develop as a parent.

3. May 12, 2007. We had Gretta. She is great too. She smiles a lot and poops less than Mo did. What a combo.

4. We have fought a lot. Jodi and I fight a lot. If you have spent any time with us, you know that. We piss off our friends often when we bicker in front of them. We don't know any other way to live though. I think the older we get the healthier our view on disagreements and how we handle them. We are both pretty sensitive and hurt each other's feelings often. but then we try out #1 again. Just kidding. i think we both have a pretty good handle on when we have offended the other and make ammends when we do. Thaks years of therapy!

5. Some of my favortie memories with Jodi are camping memories. I knew I found a great lady when she wanted to camp with me a lot before we got married. I think she just wanted to make out most of the time though. She is a good kisser!

6. Spiritual Journeys. Jodi and I have been through a lot together in this area. We both started out pretty screwed up by Fundamentalism and have now figured most everything out. Just kidding. We are still screwed up, but think that we have a healthier view of God than we did 7 years ago. This gets carried over into our daily living and how we view the world and how we parent. Thanks Brian McLaren, Mike Yacconelli, Rob Bell, Donald Miller, Josh and Kim Baron, Larry Bryans, Jim and Joan DeGraaf, Ed and Nancy Baron, Mike Fedewa, Karl Numinen, Allendale Friends, Erik and Beth Racine, RBC Friends, WW peeps, well, I guess pretty much everybody I have ever interacted with.

So, the bottom line is that we are happy. I think that's important. It's still hard to put up with each others' bullshit, but we do. And it's good. Thanks be to God for Jodi Baron.

The Bourne Ultimatum

I just saw this movie. I am constantly looking for ways to point out perceived injustice within the Church. Here are a few thoughts about how I am Jason Bourne. If you haven

t seen the movie and want to, (I highly recomend the moovie by the way) then stop reading. I am going to give away the whole thing.

Remember near the end when he finds out that he "chose" his position as spy and unquestioning patriot? Well, anytime I hear the word choice, I don't start thinking about abortion, I start to think about intellectual evangelism and a bastardized version of the gospel. So... here is an unfair critique of modern evangelism and how I believe it has been misused and how heavy handed the Church has been with it's new believers.

The doctor in the movie reveals to Jason Bourne that he was the one who chose his life. He "signed on for this". The doctor readily admits that the new recruit (Bourne) was trained to not think but to simply follow orders. But Bourne was never really given the full story. I have 2 points about this:

1. I think that Fundamentalism is a lot like the doctor in terms of following orders. Once a new Christian "signs on", the culture does not allow for the questioning of it's beliefs and practices. Any perceived questioning or doubt is chalked up to the believers lack of faith and ineptitude. This creates a culture of needing to know you are right (and saved). This is what cause many to "learn" the gospel presentation and find a way that nobody can argue with. A way to rationalize God and to understand him logically. This arrogance is not only bad theology, but a foul odor that taints the air and keeps many from the pleasant aroma of the full gospel. It actually repels people from Christ. Bourne starts out wanting to serve his country at all costs: a noble act. He ends up doing much more harm and actually taking the lives of those he has promised to serve and protect.

2. An intellectual understanding of the gospel is no good news. When we present an easy to explain and easy to understand gospel we erase years of Christs' teachings. The gospel took Jesus 33 (give or take) years to explain and those closest never fully understood him. It is presumptuous for us to think we can explain it in a booklet or over a coke and french fries. A gospel that so many died for should not be delivered in snip-its or bullet points. It must be chewed and digested and vomitted and re-ingested, and deficated and studied and handled and stomped on and burned and used as fertilizer and experimented with and grown and then eaten again. It must be experienced on a daly basis in community and it must be desecrated and made to be displayed beautifully and...

I am not happy with this post. I am pretty scatter brained right now. Let me know if you can ore something good from this mess eh.

I Am Re-Learning to Read Good

I started reading again. I haven't read in a long time. I'm not totally sure why. Sometimes when I read, I feel crazy. When I read really good books that inspire me to do things I think are noble and right, I feel crazy. It makes me want to abandon everything i have planned and follow my youthful idealism.

So... I'm readin the Irrisistable Revolution by Shaine Claiborne. It is very good. I feel very crazy. And I want to abandon my plans. Sort of. I still plan on attending seminary next fall, but I think what I plan to do after that is changing again. I think I like living in the city. I like living in the rough part of the city. I like to dream with Jodi about how we can love people and help them. I like to bring salsa andsalmon and hot peppers over to them and see their faces.

We have made some other life-style choices that will help us on our quest to become more active in social justice issues in our community. I'll write more about it next week after we see if we can do it.

"How can they learn to read if they can't even fit in the building?"

Jesus... Just in Case.

So... this is weird. Jodi and I went and got a drink tonight at a pub in our neighborhood. Our awesome friend Rachelle listened for crying babies so we could go. Some interesting things.

1. It was Open Mic Night. The girl that was on when we got there was great. She had a beautiful voice but could have used a bit more guitar practice. She sang some Dylan as well as other stuff. Very nice.

2. The next guy played harmonica with her and harmonized with her. It was also very nice. he sang some Dylan, Dead, Merl Haggard, and I think some of his own stuff. He sang a song called, "Jesus, Just in Case". I couldn't hear the vocals very well, but knew what he was getting at.

I'm now going to rant about American Evangelicalism. What this guy knew about Jesus was that he could be helpful if there was a chance that God sent people to hell. If this is how others view Christianity, the Church is in jeopardy. If this is how others view our Christ, then we have done a piss poor job of portraying him. I hope someday the singer writes a song called, "Jesus... because his followers don't know what the hell they're doing". That would be more accurate I think.

3. A man showed up after that with a Big Lebowski T-shirt on. I bought him a White Russian as is customary in our tradition and waited for him to come over to talk. Nobody can argue with the fact that the BL is the best movie of all time. We talked about the Achievers and about the music on the sound track and about how smart we are for recognizing what a great movie it is. He was from Boston and traveling across the country. Nice man. His name was "Mando". If you haven't seen the movie, you may not read my blog again until you have seen it.


"Nobody F@&ks with Da Jesus" -- That's ironic. The first guy sang about Jesus and Mando loved the movie with this quote. Coincidence? I think not. The Lord is Moving in mysterious ways.