President of the United states of America

Well, it's official. It has been for a week now. I don't have anything fresh or new to comment on regarding this but have some deep emotions that I want to share. Well, maybe they aren't deep, but I truly feel them.

1. I have been feeling very patriotic lately. Well, I know I am a patriot, but not in the same way as somebody who would have a "I'm a patriot" bumper sticker. It's truly amazing to me that we elected a man (yes, he's black, but more than that too) that I trust. I have never felt like I trusted a president before (even when I voted for men who have won). I suppose this is setting me up to be disappointed, but I genuinely think he will do what is best and just. Not always, but most of the time.

2. We woke Montana up to see the Obama Speach at Grant Park. She was excited about Mr. Barack Obama. I hope she remembers the night. I regret not going to Chicago.

I don't have much else to say. We are contemplating a party on Jan. 20 to usher in the 44th President of the United States. Want to come?

Magnolia Jayne

That's right! I'm crying!

Pandora

Have you guys checked out Pandora Radio? It's great. I think it may be illegal soon though.
http://www.pandora.com/

You can select a number of artists and it will create a radio station for you. you don't need to download anything. I don't think you need to even join. (But we did because it saves all your selections).

Right now I'm listening to a station mixed with the Dead, Phish and other bands like them. Check it out.

Once you open the box though, there's no going back. What's done is done.

Happy

So I got this new job and things are good. I am very pleased to be doing this work and have now met some of the young men that I'll have the privilege of working with. I can't explain how much my mind is at ease compared with how I used to view my job.

This picture is of me and my girls on Father's Day. Mo turns 3 on Tuesday. Gretta is communicating more with her words these days. Baby #3 will be here in less than a month. I need to get reading my baby book now.

Burma

I got a new job on Friday. I'll be working with refugees from Burma. It's a residential home for 17 year old boys, but will have the feel of a college dorm. I don't know a lot about what i'll be doing, but we'll be helping the young men transition from life in Burma to life in the U.S. I'm very excited about it. I can feel the darkness lift as I think about doing a job I care about and believe in again. i once felt this way about Wedgie, but now have become jaded and indifferent.

New beginnings have always been wonderful for me. So much so that I have often wondered about being able to commit to things long term. but I have been married now for 8 years and had this job for 5. We've been in the Episcopal Church for over 2 years now and I'm starting to really feel settled. I just hope I don't feel too settled to move to Austin in a couple years for seminary. In the meantime, I'll enjoy starting over at a new job. God- make me an agent of grace wherever I am.

Bob Weir and The Allman Brothers

Jodi and I had the opportunity to see one of the main volcalists from the Grateful Dead yesterday. We went with our friends Jay and Amy and had a great time. Bobby was great and played some of the songs that the Dead has been known for, for decades. He eneded the set with Ripple which has always been one of my favorites.

Before the show and after we made grilled cheese sandwiches and sold them. We made $70. I had a great time and enjoyed my 8th anniversary with a woman I fell in love with 9 years ago.

The Allman Brothers were good too, but we spent a lot of the time walking around and talking because Jodi wasn't feeling very well. She had had quite a bit of acid and... just kidding. She wasn't feeling well because she is 8 months prego. Mo's first concert was Neil Young, Wilco, DMB, Arlo Guthrie, Widespread Panic and a few others. Gretchen' s first show was Umphree's Magee. Baron #3 will be told about this show for a long long time.

King of Kong- Fistful of Quarters

Did anybody else see this documentary? I watched it last week and have thought about it often. I really identify with the "good" character (the teacher) because I used to cry a lot. Now I'm jaded and too cynical to cry or really care much about anything.

Here is a short list of the best video games of all time.

1. Double Dribble

2. Tecmo Bowl (Original Nintendo)

3. Bond - Golden Eye (AKA Prximity Mines)

4. Mario Kart

5. Contra

6. Star Wars Battlefront II

7. Super Mario Brothers

8. Pitfall

9. 1913

10. RBI Baseball

Any that I missed? The movie was great. Kind of emotional and silly and depressinhg all at the same time.

The Dark Knight

I saw this movie today. I'd like to start out by saying that Heath Ledger was brilliant. He was terrifying actually. This made the movie frightening and wonderful to be a part of. This blog entry will be pretty political because I was thinking politics the whole time and want to point some things out that may have already been obvious to the smart readers of this blog. There will be some spoilers.

1. Much of the movie was a philosophical discussion about doing evil for the overall good of humanity. The Joker spent most of the movie trying to make people embrace the warrior within. He wanted people to act out of anger and to use power to bring about the each man's desire. He tried to prove that all men and women will really forfeit their ideals in the heat of the moment. This was ironic timing in my life as I'm trying to figure out the bounds of pacifism and loving thy neighbor.

2. Batman supports the Jokers notions of giving up on ones ideals if it is justified. This is a pretty complicated notion too. At one point Batman uses everybody's phone in Gothem City to spy on the residents and create some kind of sophisticated sonar map. He gets into an argument with Morgan Freeman about the ethics of this. Batman... being smarter than all of Gotham City... decided it was best for its' people for him to use this illegal phone tapping for the overall good. Does that sound familiar? Later on Batman accepts the blame for the deaths of some of Gotham City's finest in order to try to save the city from falling apart. He feels that if the city knows the truth, it will make poor decisions and fall prey to anarchy. Big Brother is out there watching over us.

Both of these examples describe what could happen to any man/woman who has too much power. It's bad news when any one person has the power to decide what is best for the masses. In some ways I think this is where the good ole USofA has it right. We do strive to make decisions as a nation by voting. We don't want one "cowboy" doing what he thinks is best for us.

The movie also touches on what I think is the deeper root of this situation: human nature. Will we make good decisions when nobody is around? Will we abandon our ideals when it will cost us a great deal? Are we willing to let people make poor decisions and handle the fallout of those choices alongside them?

One last thing I noticed. Heath Ledger once played a cowboy in a movie. I used the word "cowboy" in this blog describing "W". He also is from Texas and kind of embraces the cowboy way. The Joker is a psychopathic killer with no conscience and wheres lipstick. Coincidence? I think not.

Bounce Around the Room

I'm listening to this right now. It's been a while since I have. I remember when Dave Vogelaar turned me onto Phish for the first time in 1995. This was the album. I was especially in love with "bounce around the room". Thanks Dave.

This is another thing I remember about my friend Dave. I was in a weird time in my life where I was trying to do everything just right. I was and am very insecure. I was in a town, Pella, IA that I didn't really know very many people. I had just converted from Preppy/jock to alt rock/hippie/stoner and was trying to fit in with about all those groups. Dave was just a good guy. Very hospitable and enjoyable. He was driving me around in his Mercury and I was smoking. I'm not sure if he was. He had put on some good music. We were talking about the town of Pella and he was describing something. I made a comment like this: "Oh, is that the nice part of Pella or the crappy 'poor' part of Pella?". I was describing where Dave's parents' house was and where he was raised. It was such an DB thing to say. I don't think I really even felt like that about different parts of Pella, but thought for some reason Dave was from the "nice part of town". Dave was understandably hurt and defensive. He probably soon forgot about it but I never have.

I thank Dave for showing me the mirror and being one of my first examples of how to be hospitable.

Pissed Off Jesus

My friend Wayne asked me in the comment section about some of my views on scripture that appears to conflict with a Jesus who is a pacifist. Here is what i started writing and then, once again decided to make it into an actual post:

I have thought a lot about the cleansing of the temple. Here are a couple thoughts.

1. I don't think he struck anybody. -When I think of violence, I think of striking another human. Though he was pissed, he never hurt anybody physically. However, this still doesn't make sense for the upside down kingdom that I was talking about because he used force to bring about change.

2. I also heard an explaination of the story where the author did some hocus pocus with the Greek explaining that it was less violent that many of us understand. - I don't know Greek so I wasn't very interested in what the speaker or writer had to say. I've been around enough preachers to know that the "actual translation" is going to support whatever their interp is anyways.

3. The story is true, but metaphorical (or more than true as Marcus Borg would say). The importance and value of the story shouldn't be on whether or not he actually used a whip or hit people or was cursing. The truth in the story is that he was pissed about people marginalizing the people and selling forgiveness. The Temple leaders were profitting on the sins of humanity and whoring out a sacred and holy place. The story could include Jesus poking people in the eyes three stooges style and wiping boogers on them and the importance would still be on how God wants reconcilliation and redemption to be carried out and how to not carry it out.


And, I don't think that even if he used violence, (3 stooge style or whip style) it doesn't fit with the rest of the gospel. So, if he did in fact use violence, and one is reading the story literally, maybe Jesus wasn't a pacifist. Maybe he will come back with a sword to kill and destroy even though he said to turn the other cheek. Maybe he only meant "love your enemies" until I return and then we can all have a good time killing them and making fun of them and enjoying the slaughter of our loved ones together as one happy family. In my mind that wouldn't make sense. Why would he teach peace for now until he returns to kill. It seems like the white military bringing a peace offering of small pox infected blankets to the unsuspecting and trusting Native Americans. It sets up a superiority hierarchy. Christians on top... the rest on the bottom... and then muslims under that... and homosexuals under that... and homosexual muslims over in a different chart. (sorry about that... i thought it was funny).

But maybe I'm wrong. This is actually possible and quite likely as I'm wrong a lot of the time. But the non-pacifist Jesus doesn't make sense to me. It did for a while, but now it doesn't. If I'm wrong, I'll be damned...literally. but if I'm right, then the mean Jesus people will be OK as well as the pacifist Jesus people. That would be beautiful.

Pacifism

Thanks to Allison for probing my brain in her comments from my last blog.

She asked and I don't quote: Was Jesus really a pacifist or what do you think a pacifist looks like?

So I began writing this and then decided to make it a new blog entry:

"Allison-- Good questions. Thanks for the prayers too. Here is a response from the top of my head:First, I think Christ will return and is returning for more than just the righteous... But that is neither here nor there.

But I'd describe the pacifism of Jesus as a paradigm/kingdom that flipped the tables on our understanding of power and relational systems. This is described well when Jesus talks about how to treat our enemies "turn the other cheek", "walk with the Roman soldier 2 miles", "love your enemy". A practical example from the scriptures are the stories of the woman caught in adultery and when Peter cuts off the ear of the soldier in the garden.

In both situations a person could justify actions of violence on the party involved. The religious folks who wanted to stone the woman caught in adultery. They were legally (Moses' Law) allowed and even obligated to stone her for being caught in adultery. But Christ shows a better way. Not only was the way better for the woman, but for those ready to throw stones. I believe it is more important to Jesus for us to live in peace and love than to follow the Law of Moses. He showed a new kingdom by which justice is not brought by the sword but through an intentional act of love and forgiveness.

And in the Peter sotry, Jesus must rebuke his most faithful follower because Peter is trying to bring about this new kingdom via the sword-- literally. Peter was reasonably justified to strike the soldier/slave- Malchus (I think that was his name) because they were coming to kill Jesus. It was self defense. He was coming to the aid of God. As Peter shows, when we come to God's aid, we rarely do things right. We ussually really have our own agendas in mind. Instead, Jesus rebuke's Peter and puts the ear back on like he's a magician at a birthday party. (I think it would be great if Jesus would have pulled a coin out of the ear before he put it back on. He could have combined the this story and the story where he pulls the coin out of the fish. I don't think he thought it all the way through or it would have happened like that. See picture of my ear with coin below).

Anyway... I think this is actually the gospel. It is the salvation of a new way to live. It overthrows the way that man has lived through our entire history: might makes right... An eye for an eye... homeland security... etc. Through this new kingdom, God brings redemption. through the death and resurection of an innocent man/God we can experience redemption in our lives (and deaths). It is the only plan that could work because it is the only plan that overthrows the tainted part of our nature. "

So... I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell for this way of thinking. Can somebody please confirm that? I know it's not all worked out and that it's pretty messy. But I am pretty sure I believe at least 26% * of what I wrote.

* I have the right to change that number at any time. No animals were injured in the making of this blog.

Violence

I've been trying to figure out how to process being hit in the face. Violence is such a weird thing. I'd like to point out some feelings I've been having and then write about what I think they mean.

1. Pitty/compassion- The individual that punched me has I'm sure been the victim of violence many times. I genuinely feel bad for this young man. It isn't fair that he has never been shown how to process strong feelings of anger and dissapointment. It's painful to think about this soon to be man's future. He will most likely wind up in prison.

2. Anger- Though I am aware of the cycle of abuse passed down from one Dad to his son... it has now been passed down to me. And that sucks. It brings out angry feelings that I haven't felt in a long-long time. My anger is something that effects every relationship I have I think. I either take up the victim role of a person who deserves and demands your pity or I take on the role of the asshole who deserves and demands your obedience and respect.

3. Helplessness- As I have been re-discovering my idealism about life in general, I find myself in a strange spot. I am a man who is aspiring to live a life filled with peace and grace. So I wonder if pacifism can really work. In the job I'm in, is there any other way to help young violent men deal with their issues? How much can a person take before he can no longer be compassionate and must now move on to try to bring about the Kingdom in another area?

4. Hopelessness- As I try to figure out what to do next, I realize I don't have a lot of marketable skills for a new job in the state with the second highest unemployment rate in the US. So I suppose I'll stay in my job to try to be an agent of grace not because I choose to, but because I must. Speak Lord for your servant is listening.

The Heart of Christianity- Marcus Borg

I'm reading this book. I haven't read a book in a while for leisure and this is a good one. It is taking me a while to really dig in, but it is full of really interesting goodies. It really explains how a "more-than-literal" translation of the bible makes sense. It's what I've believed for a while now, but he makes sense of what I believe I guess.

He says that his book should be a bridge between the gap of Fundys and Liberals. That's nice and it makes sense. If only the Fundys could see it that way. I guess I'm skeptical. Jodi on the other hand is reading a book called "Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism". She says it is rocking her to her core. That's good I guess. She has really been reading a lot. If I'm not careful, she is going to be smarter than me very soon. Her book so far has been much more critical of Fundamentalism and has been deconstructing the earlier religious paradigm of the Enlightenment. I can't wait to hear about how he puts things back together.

Oh... I got punched in the face tonight at work. It hurt a moderate amount. I was pretty juiced up before and even more-so after. Who would think that 252 could move so fast? Trying to figure out how to live as a pacifist when I have to use physical force to solve problems at work. Throw up a prayer for me to be an agent of grace in a dark place.

Sigur Ros

Sorry about the nudity. I'm going to try to blog more. Part of that will mean that I'll be posting on things I'm watching or listening to.

Sigur Ros

I heard of this band a couple years ago from my friend Jonathan Ryskamp. Now my other friend Dwight that I work with has given me my first taste of the icelandic band. Dwight knows a lot about music and movies. Seriously a LOT!. More, in fact, than anybody I know. Sigor get a chance to listen, check them out sometime. Here is a web-site.

http://www.sigur-ros.co.uk/

Story Time

Today I read stories to high school and middle school youth from my church. Well, it wasn't really "stories", but a part of a story. I am very inspired since my mission trip and started a book study with my kids to get them excited about serving each other this next year at youth group. We are reading Donald Miller's book Blue Like Jazz. It is very good. I have read it several times and am still amazed every time I read it.

So, I got a rocking chair out, made some cookies and got some millk out. The kids sat around and listened to me read two chapters of a book. Some of them made artsy things and some of them just sat and listened. It was very beautiful. They seemed to really enjoy being read to.

We talked about how we imagine God to be like. Is he white? fat? loud? angry? etc. Some people drew pictures of God. We also talked about "sin nature". Miller seems big on this. I'm not sure of The Episcopal Churchs' stance on the original state of humans with their/our sin, but I must say I flip flop. It's not important I guess though. I agree that we are all broken and need to try to become whole or whole-er.

I'm excited for chapters 3-4 next Wed.

Cincinnati

Last week I was in Cincinnati with a few kids from my church. We were on a mission trip with Group Work Camps. It was a great experience. I had some great experiences.

1. I think that I found my love for the poor once again. I guess I never really trult lost it, but a few of the job sites really reminded me on a micro-level why my heart breaks on a macro-level. One site was at a community center run by a church. The kids there reminded me of when me and Jodi were running our pickle ministry when we first moved to our neighborhood. The kids were so willing to just be picked up and held and ready to snuggle with people who were total strangers.

2. Finding my love for the poor again part II. Some of the kids worked at a food pantry stocking shelves. The people that came in were allowed a certain amount of food per month. They were genuinely poor because it was kind of a hassel to get in. The organization logged a lot of info on each person who came in and what they took. I imagine that folks who must live like this spend much of their day going from place to place just to survive. It must take all day long to feed one's family.

3. I was able to help feed all the students serving on the trip. My job was hospitality coordinator. I mostly supervised the kids making dinner and cleaning up. All of the groups did well and I was proud of the food we served. Later, when one of my kids asked me about my favorite part of the week, I told them that I really enjoyed cooking for large groups of people and organizing and delegating the jobs to get the work done. Yesterday I found out about a job in Grand Rapids that would be doing those two things at a soup kitchen. I'm very excited about it and have been filling out my resume and cover letter to send out. It really would be the perfect job for me.

4. My heart was softened. Seeing the poverty in Cincinnati softened my heart. I am a firm believer in being intentional with the things you do. Going to Cincinnati was intentional but I didn't know I'd come back viewing the marginalized of Grand Rapids in a different way. Tonight we went for coffee with a student and a homeless man asked me for money for a hot-dog. Instead we were able to buy him a snadwich from 4 Friends Coffee House (which I found out is closing in a week). I don't say this to tell you what a great guy I am, but instead to tell you how far I had strayed from being compassionate about the poor of Grand Rapids. I suppose it's natural to feel hostile towards a group if you have been robbed and stolen from by that group. This is the problem with lumping human beings into groups. It's so hard to see the most beautiful of all creation when you have decided that they are eveil before you have evn met them.

5. I was partners with a Pentacostal from Canada while on the trip. We had some great discussions. I think we were both very careful with what we said and how we described our views. This was good. He taught me a lot about grouping I guess and I learned that Pentacostals are crazy but still beautiful.

Take off eh!

I leave in a couple days for Canada again. I am excited. I look forward to this trip every year. Some of the highlights this year will be:
1. Home Brew
2. Seeing Erik again.
3. Spending time with Russ
4. Bringing my friend Jay on the trip for the first time.

We're going to the Red Pine Lodge this year. I found the spot and am nervous that the fishing may not be as good. The cabin doesn't have any running water. It has no shower and an outhouse. You have to fetch the water for the dishes.

We're going for a full week this year which is new too. The last few years we've only gone for like 4 days. Hopefully this will allow for me to win everybody's cash while playing hold 'em. PLus we'll play lots of Settlers again. I'll give you an update with pictures when and if I return.

Spiritual Direction

I've been in spiritual direction for about 8 months now. I recently switcherd who I was seeing and it has been great. I was advised to journal after our meeting today so i thought I would.

I noticed a lot today. As you may have noticed (all of you readers out there) I haven't been blogging as much. In fact the last time I blogged was a couple months ago. I just haven't been into it. I think it's connected to what I figured out today. As I look back through my blogs I can see the transformation I have been going through. Starting with some significant theological shifts while I was at lighthouse church on Monroe all the way through my Anglican "conversion". But since we fell in love with the EC I think I have gone through my biggest transformation. I'm at peace. I feel like a whole new person. I AM a whole new person. Not in a weird "I'm a new creation" evangelical kind of way. I just look back at the things I blogged about and the things I was thinking and notice how I am not interested in those things anymore.

Much of my blogging was me working out my own theology and figuring out if I was capable of believing the things I was thinking. I give much of this credit to Emergent and many of its thinkers.

Here is where the "Waiting" comes in though. I had a strange month. Holy week was meaningful for the first time in my life. It was great to experience the liturgy and be a part of it. It was definately where I saw God the most clearly. But I didn't spend time each day in prayer. (It sounds so weird to even say that because last year it would have never crossed my mind to spend time praying.) My director listened patiently as I told him about areas that I noticed God being absent. I told him that I didn't feel God's absence rather, I just didn't feel anything. not in a bad way... I had a great month. I felt peace and beaty all around me and the relationships I am in.

He mentioned that he thought maybe it was because I was in transition in a couple areas. 1. We are getting ready to go to seminary. This had a few layers to it because of my resistance to following through on a couple hoops within the process and we talked about my fears. That was good. 2. This transformation I've been going through. It felt good for him to help me put words to how I was feeling. As I looked back over the past year I noticed how much I had changed. It's a bunch.

I look forward to the next few days as I continue to ponder these things and try to pay more attention to what is going on with me. It'll be fun to talk about it with my best girl.

Young Man

I went to the "Y" today to play basketball. Everything went well until after I was done playing basketball. I have seen some crazy things as I do bed checks at my job, but what I saw in the locker room was truly terrifying in a "this is normal?" sort of way. I guess I haven't spent much time in locker rooms. There are men in the locker room with enormous... bodies. Probably from lifting. But I'll tell you. The last thing on my mind is starting up a conversation with a stranger while I'm totally nude. I'm not making accusations here about anything. But I am saying I kind of go out of my way to be discrete. I understand that this is kind of how things are in the womens locker room. I don't know what that says about me, but it's cool. Next time I guess I'll see if I can go in the girls locker room.

One more thing. I think I've changed a lot since high school. I remember me and Tom Potgeter sliding around on the shower floors after basketball games. It was like a water slide, only way more fun. Jodi is aware of this because I had to tell her about it. It's how I caught the "clap".

No Country for Old Men

My friend Keith asked me what I was reading. Get with the times Keith. Nobody "reads" anymore! We listen to books on cassette tapes. Jodi and I just "read" this book together in a week. Sometimes we sat and listened. Othertimes, we cleaned the kitchen and listened. We also played a lot of poker and knitted (or crocheted) while we listened.

My thoughts: I need to think a lot more about this book/tape/CD/movie. It was very dark. Pretty depressing. Almost dissapointing. I love these kinds of books/movies. I wonder how the movie will be. I heard it is very violent. The book for shizzle is very violent. I think it will be amazing to watch and experience with other senses.

Listening to books on tape is going to be a new hobby of ours. The only problem will be that we don't know what to listen to next. we rediscovered the library and that is helpful, but does anybody have any recomendations?

Going Down the Road... Feeling Bad

Anxiety has come over the Baron house. Jodi and I at times get into funks. Well, we're in one now. When we get in these moods, it feels good to spend money. It always feels good to spend money for me, but when we feel funky, it feels great. Maybe like an addict with his "whatever". We went out for Ethiopian tonight. It was good. Mo loves it and we love it too. It's so delicious. Oh, it also feels good to eat when I get in a funk.

Things are fine for the most part and we do count our blessings (and name them one by one). We have a great life and family. Keep an eye and ear out for renters for us. Hopefully tomorrow the title will be "Going where the Water tastes like wine".

Why am I Surprised?

http://beeyeglad.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=17032

Well, I stopped getting so excited on this forum a while ago. I used to get all upset and lose sleep. Literally! I'd wake up and go check this bulletin board and almost enjoy the conflict. But I have started to look at it differently in the past 6 months or so. I rarely disagree on it and instead look for ways to get along and see commonalities in people instead of differences. It for the most part has worked. I sometimes still use my passing gear voice when I think I must, but have enjoyed folks on there much more this way. I'd actually say i have seen God much more in each person on here when I'm not focused on how I think their theology is wrong or how their worldview must be changed to mine. This is maybe an obvious way to live for many of you, but it has been a struggle for me.

Today heath Ledger died. You can go to CNN and read the story for yourself if you'd like, but the important thing for you to know to understand this blog is that he was in "Brokebackk Mountain". If you don't know what that is, you probably already stopped reading (like anybodie's reading anyways). It wasn't a GREAT film, but it was important I think. One of the most important films for me to see maybe ever. It was about two gay cowboys who struggle to figure things out for their whole lives. It's so interesting to watch different relationships within the movie and how difficult things were for both men. The reason it was important for me was because I don't have a clue about how difficult things are for people that are different from me. I don't mean like "i don't get you because you are a mechanic" kind of thing, but "I had no idea what things were like for you and really still don't" kind of way. It's more of an awareness of being un-aware kind of thing.

So, Now comes the part where I tie together the hippie board and Heath Ledger. Somebody asked if Mr' Ledger's death was God's judgement for trying to make homosexuality more mainstream and acceptable. I won't comment much more than this because I assume that those of you readin right now see things similarly enought to me that we can mentally look at one another and give a little wink. I'm now going to list a few things that Fundamentalists have blamed on homosexuals.

1. 911

2. New Orleans

3. The breakdown of the "American Family"

4. The feminization of the Church

5. Heath Ledger's Death

I'll say no more on this subject.