I've been in spiritual direction for about 8 months now. I recently switcherd who I was seeing and it has been great. I was advised to journal after our meeting today so i thought I would.
I noticed a lot today. As you may have noticed (all of you readers out there) I haven't been blogging as much. In fact the last time I blogged was a couple months ago. I just haven't been into it. I think it's connected to what I figured out today. As I look back through my blogs I can see the transformation I have been going through. Starting with some significant theological shifts while I was at lighthouse church on Monroe all the way through my Anglican "conversion". But since we fell in love with the EC I think I have gone through my biggest transformation. I'm at peace. I feel like a whole new person. I AM a whole new person. Not in a weird "I'm a new creation" evangelical kind of way. I just look back at the things I blogged about and the things I was thinking and notice how I am not interested in those things anymore.
Much of my blogging was me working out my own theology and figuring out if I was capable of believing the things I was thinking. I give much of this credit to Emergent and many of its thinkers.
Here is where the "Waiting" comes in though. I had a strange month. Holy week was meaningful for the first time in my life. It was great to experience the liturgy and be a part of it. It was definately where I saw God the most clearly. But I didn't spend time each day in prayer. (It sounds so weird to even say that because last year it would have never crossed my mind to spend time praying.) My director listened patiently as I told him about areas that I noticed God being absent. I told him that I didn't feel God's absence rather, I just didn't feel anything. not in a bad way... I had a great month. I felt peace and beaty all around me and the relationships I am in.
He mentioned that he thought maybe it was because I was in transition in a couple areas. 1. We are getting ready to go to seminary. This had a few layers to it because of my resistance to following through on a couple hoops within the process and we talked about my fears. That was good. 2. This transformation I've been going through. It felt good for him to help me put words to how I was feeling. As I looked back over the past year I noticed how much I had changed. It's a bunch.
I look forward to the next few days as I continue to ponder these things and try to pay more attention to what is going on with me. It'll be fun to talk about it with my best girl.
