Leonard Cohen, Fundy Hippies, and Living like Jesus

The Hippie Christian Bulletin Board that I've been on for about a year really got to me today. Some other bad things happened too.

1. On the HCBB there are several different "forums". One of the forums is for new believers. I don't venture in there very often because for the most part Fundys think I'm scary and that I'll screw up their good thing. But for some reason I went in and was reading about a young woman who wasn't a Christian and was explaining her objections. She pointed out her disdain for war and how it seemed like many Christians are all about it. She said she read the beatitudes and how they made her cry but that she didn't see these valuable principles lived out by those who claim to follow Christ. She also pointed out her struggle to understand the only theology of hell that she had ever been informed of. The angry God who wants to send us there kind of hell. She said she didn't get it and that she couldn't subscribe to a religion that believed God would send people to hell. To a fundamentalist, these questions are easy. "When a perspective believer says they don't like hell, tell them 'this'." Faith is quantified and mathemetized. They say things like, "God wants us to know him so he gave us his Word to read and study." They think we can know all we need to and that God will take care of the rest. But I mentioned that I resonated with her comments and that I too had those questions. I mentioned that I thought that her search for truth was a noble one. I told her that even though there are many who will say things like "The bible is black and white and will answer your little questions", that she should continue to search for truth. So, the moderator deleted my posts and sent me a message saying that my perspective was "liberal" and that I shouldn't post on there any more unless I take a biblical stance.

2. We had a dispute with a friend tonight. I won't go into detail, but it was kind of a big deal. We were angry with this person because we felt wronged. The decisions that this person made affected our whole family. That makes me cranky. This happened right before I had to leave for work. I don't know if we handled things in a loving or peaceful way. I'm not sure how we'll handle things tomorrow.

3. On the way to my car, a man in a wheelchair was asking me for money to get to his brothers. This happens often in my neighborhood. The folks never want a ride, they want $0.75 for bus fare or $1.50 for bus fare, or in this case $3.50 for bus fare. It's always a specific amount I guess because then it seems like they have earnestly been trying to help themselves, but they just aren't able to do it. They simply need my help. Anyways, can you tell I wasn't buying it. I am ussually very patient and offer to help without giving out money. But tonight, I was grumpy and I didn't have any money and I was loading my kids into the car at 10:30PM. I needed to get to work and this guy wasn't giving up. I tried three times to be polite. Jodi was upset. I was vulnerable because I had my kids and I was tired of it. So I kind of gave him an ear full. I don't think I was very Christ-like.

4. Then I read some Leonard Cohen poetry. He is very dark. It kind of made me feel better. Here is a poem he wrote.

SOS 1995

Take a long time with your anger,

sleepy head.

Don't waste it in riots.

Don't tangle it with ideas.

The Devil won't let me speak,

will only let me hint

that you are a slave,

your misery a deliberate policy

of those in whose thrall you suffer,

and who are sustained

by your misfortune.

The atrocities over there,

the interior paralysis over here--

Pleased with the better deal?

You are clamped down.

You are being bred for pain.

The Devil ties my tongue.

I'm speaking to you,

'friend of my scribbled life'.

You have been conquered by those

who know how to conquer invisibly.

The curtains move so beautifully,

lace curtains of some

sweet old intrigue:

the Devil tempting me

to turn away from alarming you.

So I must say it quickly.

Whoever is in your life,

those who harm you,

those who help you;

those whom you know

and those whom you do not know --

let them off the hook,

help them off the hook.

Recognize the hook.

You are listening to Radio Resistance.

Never Cry Wolf

Tonight my job sucked. When my job doesn't suck, it is great, but when it sucks, it really sucks. I was trying to meditate and do some of my prayer exercises, but couldn't focus because my mind was racing thinking about traumatic events. So, I watched a movie. "Never Cry Wolf"

I saw this movie when I was boy. Mostly what I remembered was the man eating all the mice and seeing him naked a lot. but I watched the movie tonight as I was trying to relax. It was good. Not a lot of dialogue and some very beautiful cinematography. There wasn't a political overtone (though I could make one) and it wasn't overly emotional. I just enjoyed watching and dreaming about being in the wild. It felt quite healthy. Here are a few observations about the movie.

1. My week was filled with meetings and work. That is OK because it's not always like that, but I feel like I have missed a lot with my girls. So watching a movie that was kind of about breaking free and slipping off the grid entirely was refreshing. There was a line in there about an old Inuit Eskimo (I'm not sure if that is PC). He was following this Eskimo to where the Caribou were and they hiked for 3 days. He mentioned how much more endurance this old man had but how the old man didn't really notice how slow the main character was. He said it was because the Eskimo had no understanding of impatience.

2. The main character was in the arctic studying the wolves. A major theme in the movie was about how he was spending all of his time noticing and watching. he also mentioned how much more in tune with things the wolves were. He said they used all of their senses to notice what was going on but that really all he was using were his eyes and brain. (is the brain a sense?). Anyways, Jodi and I have been trying to live our lives in an attentive and reflective way. Always noticing what is going on and how we respond to those things. I look forward to much more progress in this area.

Coffee and Such

When I get my work done, I drink coffee to stay awake. Here are some things I like to do.

1. Read. Right now I'm reading about 6 books for my vocational discernment program. My favorite book is a commentary on the Rule of Benedict. I'm learning a lot about Benedictine Spirituality and about myself.
2. Journal. I also have started journalling for my vocational program. It's good to journal, but I've never been very good at it. I like to blog which is a way to journal, but I don't really like to keep a dear diary. It will probably never be something that I do with any kind of regularity.
3. Movies. I have watched a few good ones lately. Right now I'm watching a documentary on Leonard Cohen. I really need to buy a book of his poetry. It is very beautiful and pretty dark. In the documentary it says that it takes him at least a year to work on a single song. Pretty crazy.
4. I've been lifting weights. Check out my huge arms next time you see me.
5. I also have kind of a routine on the internet. I read a few different blogs, check the hippie Christian BB, read CNN's board, read Sojo, check my fatasy football stuff, and sometimes write a new blog.

But that's about it. Inbetween all of this, I am doing bed checks, doing laundry, starting a meal for the guys for the next day, and fill out my paperwork.

Thanks for reading my blog. Let's get together and have a cup of coffee (or beer) soon.