The Hippie Christian Bulletin Board that I've been on for about a year really got to me today. Some other bad things happened too.
1. On the HCBB there are several different "forums". One of the forums is for new believers. I don't venture in there very often because for the most part Fundys think I'm scary and that I'll screw up their good thing. But for some reason I went in and was reading about a young woman who wasn't a Christian and was explaining her objections. She pointed out her disdain for war and how it seemed like many Christians are all about it. She said she read the beatitudes and how they made her cry but that she didn't see these valuable principles lived out by those who claim to follow Christ. She also pointed out her struggle to understand the only theology of hell that she had ever been informed of. The angry God who wants to send us there kind of hell. She said she didn't get it and that she couldn't subscribe to a religion that believed God would send people to hell. To a fundamentalist, these questions are easy. "When a perspective believer says they don't like hell, tell them 'this'." Faith is quantified and mathemetized. They say things like, "God wants us to know him so he gave us his Word to read and study." They think we can know all we need to and that God will take care of the rest. But I mentioned that I resonated with her comments and that I too had those questions. I mentioned that I thought that her search for truth was a noble one. I told her that even though there are many who will say things like "The bible is black and white and will answer your little questions", that she should continue to search for truth. So, the moderator deleted my posts and sent me a message saying that my perspective was "liberal" and that I shouldn't post on there any more unless I take a biblical stance.
2. We had a dispute with a friend tonight. I won't go into detail, but it was kind of a big deal. We were angry with this person because we felt wronged. The decisions that this person made affected our whole family. That makes me cranky. This happened right before I had to leave for work. I don't know if we handled things in a loving or peaceful way. I'm not sure how we'll handle things tomorrow.
3. On the way to my car, a man in a wheelchair was asking me for money to get to his brothers. This happens often in my neighborhood. The folks never want a ride, they want $0.75 for bus fare or $1.50 for bus fare, or in this case $3.50 for bus fare. It's always a specific amount I guess because then it seems like they have earnestly been trying to help themselves, but they just aren't able to do it. They simply need my help. Anyways, can you tell I wasn't buying it. I am ussually very patient and offer to help without giving out money. But tonight, I was grumpy and I didn't have any money and I was loading my kids into the car at 10:30PM. I needed to get to work and this guy wasn't giving up. I tried three times to be polite. Jodi was upset. I was vulnerable because I had my kids and I was tired of it. So I kind of gave him an ear full. I don't think I was very Christ-like.
4. Then I read some Leonard Cohen poetry. He is very dark. It kind of made me feel better. Here is a poem he wrote.
SOS 1995
Take a long time with your anger,
sleepy head.
Don't waste it in riots.
Don't tangle it with ideas.
The Devil won't let me speak,
will only let me hint
that you are a slave,
your misery a deliberate policy
of those in whose thrall you suffer,
and who are sustained
by your misfortune.
The atrocities over there,
the interior paralysis over here--
Pleased with the better deal?
You are clamped down.
You are being bred for pain.
The Devil ties my tongue.
I'm speaking to you,
'friend of my scribbled life'.
You have been conquered by those
who know how to conquer invisibly.
The curtains move so beautifully,
lace curtains of some
sweet old intrigue:
the Devil tempting me
to turn away from alarming you.
So I must say it quickly.
Whoever is in your life,
those who harm you,
those who help you;
those whom you know
and those whom you do not know --
let them off the hook,
help them off the hook.
Recognize the hook.
You are listening to Radio Resistance.
9 comments:
Do you have a copy of the message you posted? Your synopsis didn't sound liberal, just honest. Is it liberal to ask questions about God and faith? I don't think so.
I am from the hippie board.....you are one person there whose posts I really enjoy reading. You admit your questions, and admit that the Bible does not have all the answers, and actually opens up all sorts of other questions.
I have been a Christian for many years, but really ruffle at the fundamentalist train of thought. In my town, it is very difficult to find any other train of thought among Christians, which saddens, me.
Anyway, I'm sorry about your experience over there. If you were deemed liberal, I will probably be not too far behind! haha.
Nick (kindofblue)
Steve- What?
Nick- Thanks for the nice words. I told jodi today the "my work here is done" and then I flew away with my cape flapping in the wind. The BB was really good for me, but now I need to moveon.org.
Where in the south are you? As we were transitioning from fundy to something else, we found refuge in the episcopal church. It's easier to be more conservative in a liberal church than it is to be liberal in a conservative church.
"Fear rules the world. It has led to war and it leads to ignorance in Christianity. It will always have a great following because of how powerful it is. I think we need to fight it with all the strenght we can muster."
--Winston Chuchill
Just kidding. I just made that up. As I was writing it I thought it sounded really silly and slapped a big-wig name on it. you suckas fell for it eh?
christian, i like this poem...it didn't seem too dark to me. i'm glad to see you're blogging again...i think it's better for your soul.
Hey Christian. I came to your page today b/c I have been missing you and Jodi on the board all weekend. I am really sorry that that happened. I had no idea. I always enjoy your posts. I really respect how you (and Jodi) are open-minded without compromising your own beliefs. That shows a lot of strength of character. Anyway, you are missed, Dude.
Thanks Cat. I appreciate you missing us. We've been lurking but I think the atmosphere has turned in the last 2 weeks. It's cool, but it's not for me. Well, when I say "it's cool", I mean people can do whatever they want, but I can't be a part of it.
When differences of opinion are declared as biblical and unbiblical, I get irritated. I do think I'm pretty open minded, but can't stomach that kind of arrogance.
The BB was good for me to be able to process a lot of things in my head. It was helpful. So I send a blessing and hope/pray that folks welcome all and allow others to "work out their salvation" rather than "break bruised reeds".
stop back again some time.
Christian.
Hey Christian,
I've noticed that you haven't been around on the HCBB, I for one have missed your comments and insight. We don't agree often times but I like having your perpective around. It's boring without you there. Please come back!
I'm fundy to the core but I'm with you, I don't agree with shutting people down for having an opinion. Let's argue about it and get it over it, and still love each other at the end of the day.
Anyway, I hope to see ya around.
Miri
Hey Miri. Thanks for poking your head in over here. Thanks for the kind words. I've been lurking, but for the most part it's been a good seperation. Maybe I'll drop in from time-to-time later on, but for now, I'm pretty content not posting.
Hi Christian,
I guessed it would happen, but you were much more patient than me...whether that is good or bad I don't know. (I think it's mostly a good thing in most situations, but not all, aka Jesus with the Pharisees and Paul with the Judaisers in Galatians..).
Anyway, you lasted longer than me...
Hope you still will pop into Kingdom Come forum sometimes to let us know how you are doing in what you had planned.
marion
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