Ramble... Ramble... Ramble...

I would like to start writing because I think it will help me process my life. My wife one time asked Brian McLaren how her husband could start writing books and he said to start blogging. I think he could have added "He needs to be smart and know how to use English good". But nonetheless, I will begin blogging as often as I can (hopefully daily). It should be fun because I am opinionated and pompous and like to argue. Hopefully we can all come to some better understanding of life and how to live.

For my first Blog, I want to write about a mens' retreat that I went on. I need to preface things by saying that I hate men's retreats and that I am more skeptical of these type things than anyone on the planet. But my best friend Erik asked me along. I thought I could get out of it by saying I can't afford it, but he said He'd buy making it nearly impossible for me not to go.

So I went. It was very strange. They did things that made me uncomfortable and at times made me wonder if it was damaging to me and the men. But it was really good. It's very secretive (which I hate and am skeptical about) but I can tell you that it helps men uncover issues from their past in an attempt to change their present and future. One of the techniques they use is something called Theophostic Prayer. I watched men process very painful things in their lives in order to try to change thmeselves. It was very tiring and painful to watch and to participate.

My issue to work on was my disdain for the Church and for God. It was kind of hard to do partially because I think I am pretty disconnected from my emotions on these matters. I really weanted and needed to think things through. But since I have thought about this stuff a ton and know how screwed up it makes me, I was mostly just able to view how i saw the world in order to understand myself better. The best part of the weekend for me was to be affirmed and blessed. I have issues with self-loathing and confidence and it helped me to feel better about myself. This is always good unless you're a narcicist. (I work with some narcicists).

The other thing that was so nice was getting to see into the mind of my friend Erik. If anybody has a reason to hate the Church or God it's him but it was so great to watch him work through his stuff. He is an inspiration to me. But I feel really connected to him because the environment smelled of truth, love and authenticity. Men were real. Erik was real. I was as real as I could be. The danger of this kind of set-up is that men feel compelled to follow along and be real. It breaks down any barriers that they might have in order to get to the root of issues. This could be used for great strides in men's lives or deep deep regressiona nd pain. A few times I almost left because I was so scared of what was happening. But like Aslan, it was terrifying , but GOOD.

Later I'll get into the good stuff like homosexuality, racism, sexuality, the poor, atonement, the resurection, Brian McLaren, and Jerry Falwell. But that's it for tonight.